Exchange student (child support, attorney, teenager, allowance)

[akm4]

We submitted our application online this week to become a host family. My family hosted when I was growing up and I want my kids to have that experience too. It went so well that I think my expectations may not be realistic.

Anyone here have any input? Did you go on exchange or host a student? Any tips, stories to share?

Thanks!

[jenn02674]

Well, a little bit different but I think I am going to host an university intern from France for two months this summer. A little nervous but excited at the same time.

I too have often thought about being a host for foreign exchange.

[Mar0]

I was an exchange student in Japan almost two years ago and it was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had. My family truly embraced me and made it really difficult to leave. Hopefully you have a survey to fill out requesting the type of student you like. I was placed in a family with young kids, while my best friend was with a mother and her 16 year old daughter. While I liked her family, and she liked mine, we would not have enjoyed ourselves as much had our living situations been switched- we have different interests (I LOVE kids). I think the key to a good bond is just being there for support, while not being too strict. I was never obligated to do anything, but I frequently spent time with the host family rather than my friends, just because I liked them so much. I know other people whose families were REALLY strict, which put a strain on the relationship. Also, rather obvious, but don't judge their cultural differences. My host family thought it was so weird that I wanted to shower in the morning (this isn't really the thing to do in Japan), but the obviously let me do it. Hopefully it will be a rewarding experience for you- I know I miss my family still!

[TouchOfWhimsy]

We hosted Hanna from Germany last academic year. The experience was a hundred times better than I woujld have ever expected! Hanna was wonderful, followed our rules, did well in school, made friends, and was a terrific "big sister" to our two young kids. We went in October to visit her and her family in Germany for 2 weeks, and they're coming here for two weeks this month. I wish we could do it agian, but we just don't have the extra room anymore... our kids used to share a room and now they don't.

Good luck with your placement!

[teachbeach]

We've hosted 4 students, and all but 1 were extremely positive experiences. We don't have any children, so it was a way for us to give back to the community, get involved with the high school without having to be at more meetings or commitments. We hosted 3 students through Rotary International, in our area they only stay with each family for 100 days. It gives them the opportunity to experience different aspects of our culture, and the sub-cultures.

We preferred to take students that had already finished high school in their home country and were doing this as a gap year between high school and university. The one student we had who was still in school was stressed all the time about her grades and homework, and couldn't relax enough to enjoy the experience. Another one of our exchange students (the non positive one) was here to get his driver's license because it was so much cheaper to obtain it here. He also wanted to buy electronics (computers, DVD's, ipods etc.) He didn't care about the school, made few friends and was depressed most of the time. We tried all interventions and finally after 1/2 year, told them to find another home for him. The agency was half the problem, if they had sent him home, he would have been entitled to a refund. Rotary students are not permitted to get their driver's license, or drive any car on the road while they are here.

We would give ours an allowance comparable to what other students were getting (I teach high school, so I'm in the loop). The only requirement we have is that they must participate in one outside activity; either a sport, music venue, yearbook or newspaper. We wanted them to make friends in a small group situation, and perhaps build a social life outside of the school day.

We have stayed in touch with our former students (with the exception of the boy) and all have turned into terrific adults. One is an international business consultant, another an attorney and the last one is an environmental engineer who travels all over the world working with companies and their energy sources.

I highly recommend the experience, go to the pre-meetings and learn about what their culture is like, so you can make adaptations and be prepared for the adjustments of having an instant teenager in your home. Some of the stories of certain cultures expectations of their experience would be stereotyping, but turn out to be true. We were told that certain cultures might expect females to cater to them, as they were used to servants. Other cultures were prone to wanting body piercings and tattoos. Some cultures would expect to consume alcohol with meals and for gatherings/parties. You really have to be prepared to follow the rules of the agency and the laws of the US and your community.

[sweetana3]

GOOD LUCK!!! Was one of the worst 9 months of my life.

Problem was we got a girl who only wanted servants and to get away from a very restrictive Muslim family life. She had her own American Express Card and had lots of experience with servants.

She did not do anything horrible but it was stressful and emotionally draining. We even contacted her parents for assistance. They were supportive and very nice but not much they could do.

We were however the only family in our city EF organization to stick with the same student and she did get herself into the Arts program at the local high school. She survived and we survived but I would never do it again.

I realize it could have been a much better or worse situation.

[charolastra00]

I think it's important to not have any expectations. In the next year, I'm have homestays in 3 different countries (6 weeks in Iceland, 4 months in Oaxaca Mexico, 2 weeks in Mexico City, and a weekend as part of my semester long program in London). However, it's a little different since I'm a college student and have already been living on my own for 2 years. Most of my friends have ended up very close to their homestay families... however, it matters just as much on personalities as it does doing the "right" thing. If your personalities don't jive, not much can help that.

One of the biggest problems I've heard from friends who have been exchange students is that their host families did not do anything outside of the home. While most programs have trips and cultural excursions, it is important to get those experiences in a family setting as well. So plan on going to baseball games and Superbowl parties. Also, if you get invited to a wedding, birthday party, graduation, or heck, even a funeral, bring the exchange student along if appropriate. Even in different areas of the country, these ceremonies are different. However, across country borders can be even more radically different.

Like teachbeach said, learn about the culture. It's not the kid's fault that he or she expects servants because in many countries, this is all the middle and upper class know. Likewise, if you were to be an exchange student in urban Brazil, India, Saudi Arabia, and other countries, it would be rather rude for a student to be weird about the servants.

Also, make sure to be prepared for dietary differences- either cultural or actual health issues. I have celiac disease and food allergies so this is always a huge deal for me :P A close friend spent a semester in France but was allergic to wheat and did not eat meat (she was Buddhist). The mother of the family she was staying with did most of the cooking and took up the idea of "I'm not a short order cook" and still cooked everything with meat and served bread- then was OFFENDED when my friend just ate dry salad all the time! Depending on where the country of origin is, be prepared for the student to not eat pork or beef, or even no meat at all.

[akm4]

Wow, so many responses! Thanks to everyone.

I feel we're in good shape in some areas- we already have a teenager and a 12 year-old. My daughter is a vegetarian and the boys are die-hard carnivores. We've had nephews and my husband's cousin live with us before, all for months at a time. We're a busy family with lots of outside interests, but not over-scheduled.

Still, I realize none of that prepares us a for a stranger from another culture. I'm struck by the stories of those who resisted the differences instead of embracing them, though. Isn't that the point?? If I wasn't interested in learning anything I could host a teenager from down the street.

I totally agree with charolastra00 re: taking the student to activities, weddings, etc. When I was growing up our exchange student (Joanne from Australia) was a member of our family. We wouldn't have dreamed of leaving her behind. It was exciting for us to share these events with her, and helped us to see our lives more objectively as we introduced her. I'm hoping my kids will feel the same way.

I was on a game show last month. When asked what I would do with my winnings, I said my Australian "sister" had visited here often, and I wanted to go see her. They then brought Joanne out to surprise me! It had been 30 years since we met. I can't imagine not having her in my life. If we can have half as meaningful an experience, it will be worth it.

Thanks again for the input! The positive and the negative ones too. It's important we go into this with our eyes open.

[cpg35223]

Just, um, make sure that your student isn't some hot, open-minded blonde from Germany, like what happened to some friends of ours. She seduced the father within three weeks, and was evidently bedding him whenever the mom and the other kids were off on errands. Ended up pregnant, the parents wound up divorced, and the father wound up paying child support on two different continents.

[RoaminRed]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Just, um, make sure that your student isn't some hot, open-minded blonde from Germany, like what happened to some friends of ours. She seduced the father within three weeks, and was evidently bedding him whenever the mom and the other kids were off on errands. Ended up pregnant, the parents wound up divorced, and the father wound up paying child support on two different continents.

Sounds like a problem with the father, not the student. As an adult, he should have had enough control over the situation that he wouldn't allow a visitor to "seduce" him.