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...accept that the court doesn't take this position for non custodial parents. Non custodial parents are forced to get a job at their peak earning capacity or go to jail.
This doesn't happen - many non-custodial parents go off the radar and pay nothing.
I'm not taking it out on the custodial parents. I'm taking it out on those in charge of creating and enforcing this bogus system. Let's turn this issue on its head. Let's say we lived in a parallel universe where Judges made custodial parents that weren't receiving their child support checks jump through the same hoops that non custodial parents have to jump through when custodial parents withhold parenting time.
Say a custodial parent came on here and complained, only to have noncustodial parents jump on the thread saying that they pay their child support, and most non custodial parents pay their child support, so really the custodial parent has no complaint. Can you imagine such a scenario?
Yes, you are.
If you had come on here and said, Here's my situation and it's really unfair and I just need to vent, everyone would have had sympathy. We all know that sometimes the system is unfair and biased. I know it.
But instead you presented a ridiculous, unusual scenario, demanded that we all answer your question how unfair it was (without giving us any details how someone is living with absolutely no income whatsoever), and refuted everyone else's experience and answers.
You came here ready to fight with anyone who doesn't see things exactly your way, even though - again - your situation is very, very unusual in the case of a custodial parent.
And custodial parents DO come on here and complain about not getting support, and the noncustodial parents DO come out of the woodwork and talk about how they have always paid every cent, on time, plus extra.
Next time you either want to have a discussion or get some sympathy, try a lighter hand.
My ex lives in a million dollar house with her mother, who has very deep pockets. She goes on trips to foreign countries 4x a year, out to fancy restaurants 3-5x week, has the nicest clothes, the best attorney money can buy (I'd estimate that she has spent 250k in legal fees in our case so far), a nice car, the whole works. The child support I pay is used for her bar tabs and her drugs. If I get even one day behind on it, she will file a contempt charge against me, trying to throw me in jail. In fact, TWICE she even filed contempt charges against me when I was 100% current and up to date. In both cases, she dropped the charge one day before court. But of course, that made me pay $350/hr to my attorney to defend myself, money I'll never get back.
She has a restraining order against me that she gets renewed every single year. This despite the fact that she has changed her story 100x, I have it in writing, AND I haven't spoken to her, even one word, for over 5 years. This restraining order bars me from going to my daughters school, which hurts my daughter (my ex doesn't go to any of her school events or have any interest in them), but no one cares.
My daughter has 2 former therapists that saw exactly what was going on. My ex responded by firing both therapists, suppressing the evidence so it will never see the light of day in court, and blocking the therapists from appearing as witnesses on behalf of my daughter in trial. A parenting coordinator also saw what was going on and was going to testify that I should have custody. My ex responded by threatening to have him removed from every single case he is on and that he would 'never work in this town again'. She's also trying to have him blocked from appearing as a witness in trial.
My beef is not with you or anyone like you. My beef is with the system. You see, none of this crap that my ex pulls would work if those in charge didn't fully support it. I find it disgusting that someone like me, who IS paying 50% of my check to child support, is borderline homeless and living right on the edge, all the while being told that 'kids need financial support' all the while my ex doesn't pay a penny.
OK, I get you now. Understand perfectly. We both picked winners as spouses and co-parents.
If you had come on here and said, Here's my situation and it's really unfair and I just need to vent, everyone would have had sympathy. We all know that sometimes the system is unfair and biased. I know it.
But instead you presented a ridiculous, unusual scenario, demanded that we all answer your question how unfair it was (without giving us any details how someone is living with absolutely no income whatsoever), and refuted everyone else's experience and answers.
You came here ready to fight with anyone who doesn't see things exactly your way, even though - again - your situation is very, very unusual in the case of a custodial parent.
And custodial parents DO come on here and complain about not getting support, and the noncustodial parents DO come out of the woodwork and talk about how they have always paid every cent, on time, plus extra.
Next time you either want to have a discussion or get some sympathy, try a lighter hand.
I'm not sure what you mean when talk about seeing things 'my way'. It isn't 'my way' that the court doesn't require custodial parents to financially support children, it's the courts way. It's got nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Because custody cases in our system are effectively decided in temp hearings, not modifications. I strongly suggest reading this book for anyone curious on this subject. realworlddivorce.com
It's very difficult to near impossible to get a court to modify custody after the fact. I say this as someone that has a mountain of evidence against my ex for all sorts of stuff. Really I have enough that she should be in jail, never mind lose custody.
Let me kindly enlighten you. Court ordered child support goes directly to the primary guardian.end of that tutorial.
I raised two sons. Child support was not ordered or demanded. I held two jobs. I didn't want their fathers financial support. The child support system is so lopsided .
Please go do research, ( I have !).And the courts refuse to direct that the funds to directly to the kids . If mom.wants to rent an apartment, the landlord is not going to say, and the kids will pay this much.
Sorry that you haven't been around the single custodial parent who blows the child support on her pleasures... A new car...Or her weekly manicure, spa treatment. If you think it doesn't happen ..You are misguided. my former dil does blow the 1k she gets on herself. Her current husband owns outright the home and has his own business. So spare me how it's indirectly used to house,feed and clothe him. He is her cash cow.
Do those who are married, tell their toddlers, well pay up on the electric bill and car insurance. Nope! And why is that? Because the electric still needs paid and the adults are accountable for those leisures, not the kids.
I've heard many people make that case and I think it's silly.
Family expenses are part of the budget. It's impossible to say how much of the mortgage is attributed to the child, or how much electric/water/natural gas is their portion. Or how much food/clothing they get spent on.
My wife's ex pays $1250/month in CS, and day care is $1300...so none of the money is spent on the household. That comes from my wife and I's income....which we can also use to spend ourselves as well. I bought a new car. No, child support didn't pay for that. I want to get my wife a new car next year. Child support isn't paying for that either.
LOL. You can split it however you like. CS is not intended to cover 100% of your costs of raising a child. So the fact that you pay $1250 a month in child support is neither here nor there. You could say the ex is paying half of the day care, at $625, and then the balance of his payment IS in fact going toward your household.
Silly math.
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