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"Full time traveler? Maybe?"
(set 14 days ago)
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Wife and I had a huge debate about this and its not the first time. She sees it as each child gets the same amount of financial assistance regardless of path, so that resentments won't build. I don't agree and believe life is full of choices and repercussions for our actions good or bad.
For instance:
child 1 : senior, wants to go to a LAC has worked hard, 3.7gpa, solid SAT, after merit aid, small grants, we will be out of pocket about 16k/yr.
child 2: junior 3.9gpa, 34ACT, wants to be a PA or MD, school will be 14k/yr after scholarship, grant, etc
child 3: Tech school or Military he says (the boy) it will be less then the previous two unless he changes.
child 4: Tried college and dropped out is now mid 20's makes 26-27k/yr might be starting school again, has a fiancee been living together 4 years.
Here is our huge debate, the cost for each child varies as their dreams, work ethic, effort, time in results out, has varied. My take is if one child is ultra engaged (child 2) puts in the work has big dreams their effort is worth more than to me than a child who doesn't. I can much more easily invest in child 1's or child 2's education (assuming the gpa) continues versus child 4 who I tried this once.....and unfortunately you are mid 20's now fully a adult!
Of course this would not be a debate if money were no object, but it is a huge object, this requires sacrifice. We did a poor job saving for college that is the facts I paid my own way, wife paid her own way, college cost is so high now I humbly admit I was a little blindsided. I tell everyone now PLAN FOR COLLEGE it is ridiculous!!
We can afford without going into ANY debt 25k/yr the way the kids are staggered we can probably take out no loans for child 1 and 2. When my child 3 starts child 1 will be almost done, so it will work bar any job loss or financial calamity.
Which leaves child 4, our big debate revolves around her (mid 20's) we need to give her what we give the other kids. I vehemently disagree, 1 because the money isn't there, 2 because she already had a shot 7 years ago, 3 she has a boyfriend/fiancee and made her choices, 4 she can take out loans the other kids cannot, I'm not on board at all.
Thanks for reading my book, just wondering what you guys/gals think do all kids get the same? Or just like life you based off your choices things can change?
I don't think so, so what would you do Riley? Do all kids get the same no matter what or??
I look at it this way. If you need to spend more money on Child A because they have medical issues, expensive prescriptions, need yearly eye exams & new glasses, psychological counseling or educational tutors or special camps or whatever would you then say. "OK, Child B gets an extra $4,000 (or $6,000 or $10,000 or whatever) a year to spend on videogames or designer clothes or 'fun things', because we spend that much on our other child for medical expenses."
Of course not, that would be silly. So why is it silly to help one child who needs more help with college expenses?
My two sisters got far more help than I ever did growing up. I got a job and worked to buy my own car at age 16, while they both got a car given/bought for them. I paid for my own college ($50K in debt when I graduated), while they got some help. I paid for my own wedding, my sisters got help (My sister's wedding was $40K). Both sisters were granted use of a family-owned apartment for free/cheap after college...while I moved out and paid rent upon gradutation. I bought two houses on my own without my parents help, both of my sisters for some sort of assistance from parents.
Not once was I ever mad about that. I knew they would help me if I needed it, but truth is I really didn't. I was a hard worker and I've done quite well so I'd rather my parents help my sisters out instead. They offered to help pay for my wedding but I told them to put it towards their retirement instead. I didn't need it.
Last edited by BostonMike7; 01-27-2017 at 09:31 AM..
OP: Don't pay for any college for any of them.
Take that money and invest it for them on the same stock.
I honestly do not believe in parents paying for college for their children, let the children figure out how to get the funds and how to pay them back. I also do not believe in handing children everything because they want it either.
You *the child* want a car in high school okay, get a job and save for a car then provide your own gasoline, insurance and maintaining it.
You *the child* want that $100.00 pair of shoes okay, get a job.
You *the child* want ,..........*fill in the blank*....... okay, get a job and start saving for it.
I honestly do not believe in parents paying for college for their children, let the children figure out how to get the funds and how to pay them back. I also do not believe in handing children everything because they want it either.
You *the child* want a car in high school okay, get a job and save for a car then provide your own gasoline, insurance and maintaining it.
You *the child* want that $100.00 pair of shoes okay, get a job.
You *the child* want ,..........*fill in the blank*....... okay, get a job and start saving for it.
This. All of it.
Child wants something? I'd rather teach them how to get it vs hand it to them. I could be a billionaire, and that would still be my approach. Life is hard, my job is to prepare my children for it, not try and make it artificially easy for them. If something happens to me, they need to be ready to deal with life and the challenges that will come along the way.
That doesn't mean let them struggle completely, but sometimes a little challenge is good for someone.
Parents are not financially responsible/required to pay for college tuition. If parents can help, that's great. I have no issue with helping a teenager who is graduating HS and going into college. As for the amount, I don't think there's a cap on it. My parents helped pay for my college education. I worked through HS and college and saved. It's not that they didn't want or couldn't help--they were teaching me how to be independent.
I think "helping equally" is not going to work either way. Cost of attendance changes, for example. I have 2 kids 6 years apart, and older one is a freshman in college. I have no doubt that by the time younger one starts, even if he is to go to the same school, the cost will be higher.
To me there is a fundamental difference in paying for 18 year old who is graduating high school, or a child who already went to school, dropped out and now has their own income. 18 year old is considered dependent for FAFSA purposes, and in our situation, our 18 year old doesn't qualify for anything but unsubsidized federal loans because of our income. 20-something with 26k in income can qualify for some aid. Let her do it on her own, he may value that education more.
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about this and its not the first time. She sees it as each child gets the same amount of financial assistance regardless of path, so that resentments won't build. I don't agree and believe life is full of choices and repercussions for our actions good or bad. 
