Gift exchanging etiquette question (adult, kids, family, costs)

[Whatsnext75]

I dont get a jealousy vibe here.

Maybe she was just tired of the gift giving thing but if she had decency she would have told you this.

Im not really getting the impression youre that close? Id just let it go, move on and be done with buying any gifts for them. If they buy them next year oh well. Just say, heu we didnt get one from you last year so i thought we were done.

I have family members i cant stand exchanging gifts with...so over it.

[lkmax]

Don't bring it up again, and don't send anything again. That's what I'd do.

I always think it's obnoxious when people pay too much attention to who sends or spends what in regards to gifts. Send a gift because you want to. If you don't want to, don't do it. If you want props for sending gifts, don't do it. I'm not saying that it's not rude for someone not to send you a "thank you" note (or text or Facebook message nowadays), but you shouldn't be waiting by the mailbox for it, either.

[elysium78]

'I always think it's obnoxious when people pay too much attention to who sends or spends what in regards to gifts. '
Why? There are certain situations where you have to give gifts particularly amongnst family members. If someone is constantly giving less and not putting much thought into things then yes this spoils the experience for others who do go out of their way to get something nice and of quality.

[lkmax]

Originally Posted by elysium78

'I always think it's obnoxious when people pay too much attention to who sends or spends what in regards to gifts. '
Why? There are certain situations where you have to give gifts particularly amongnst family members. If someone is constantly giving less and not putting much thought into things then yes this spoils the experience for others who do go out of their way to get something nice and of quality.

Not really.

You don't know what that person is going through. Some people can't really afford to buy nice gifts for everyone, and there are a host of reasons for that. Even if they live in a nice house, drive a nice car, wear nice clothes, etc., they still might not be able to afford nice gifts. They might be up to their eyeballs in debt, for example. Or maybe they spent all of their holiday money on their kids. Maybe they get a nice bonus at the first of the year or use their tax refund check to buy the things their family has but is broke at Christmas. Maybe they're self-employed, and business is slow during the holidays (I know it is for me. I plan for it, but not everyone does, and I also don't have kids to take care of.) Even if they're at the holiday gathering and talking about their recent vacation to Disney doesn't mean that someone didn't lose their hours at work when they got back or spend too much on their vacation or any number of things that made it difficult for them to prioritize spending a lot of money on a gift for you.

Or...maybe gift-giving just isn't that big of a deal to them. You can call them selfish for that, and I get it. But there may be no ill will or bad intentions...just general laziness or a "whatever" type of attitude.

I still stand by the idea that I buy gifts for people because I want to and because I think they will like them. I honest to goodness do not expect anything in return. If the whole point is, "I'm going to spend $200 on your gift, but you better spend $200 on an equally nice gift for me," then why don't you each just keep your money and buy something for yourselves that you know you will each like?

I had a cousin who was mad with me for a month and a half or so over a wedding gift. I ordered something off of her registry online and didn't really pay attention to whether it was in-stock or not and set for it to be delivered to her parents' house, as requested. I forgot about it, attended the wedding, etc. Afterward, I noticed that when before, we would talk on Facebook a lot (sharing stuff on each other's walls, tagging each other in pictures, messaging each other, etc), she stopped doing it. I wondered what I had done wrong...I did have like three glasses of wine at her wedding, was I somehow offensive? My mind was going everywhere. Then, I got a shipping confirmation email that her wedding gift had shipped...and a week or so after that, probably when it got delivered, she started acting normal again.

Stuff like that is weird and ridiculous. Of course I bought her a wedding gift. But I've known her my whole life...so if I hadn't for whatever reason, that was enough for her to go from communicating with me 3-4 times a week to not at all? Honestly, it's made me stop reaching out to her as much as I did before.

Again...buy people gifts because you want to. Spend what you want to spend, and put as much thought into it as you want to. If you don't want to or if you are going to be bitter about it for any reason, just don't. Sorry...that's how I feel about it.

[AfternoonCoffee]

Eh, I wouldn't over think it.

If you enjoy giving gifts to the niece and nephew, continue to do so. If you don't like giving them gifts, then stop.

I never, ever give gifts expecting anything in return. I think it's incredibly tacky to expect anything other than "thank you."

I give gifts because I want to give gifts. Or because I find something someone would love. Or because it's expected in certain situations. But I don't expect reciprocity.

[pinetreelover]

Thanks everyone for the insight and attitude adjustment. Just writing this out made me realize that I'm really more annoyed by the lack of a simple Thank You than I am about the actual gift exchange. I would be happy to continue to send gifts to my niece and nephew forever if I felt like it meant something to them.

I will let this one go!

[NCN]

A gift is something that is given, not exchanged.

[Linerin]

They aren't kids, they are adults in their 20s.
Let it go. If you want to send gifts in the future that is your choice, but there is no obligation.

[mainebrokerman]

Originally Posted by pinetreelover

Thanks everyone for the insight and attitude adjustment. Just writing this out made me realize that I'm really more annoyed by the lack of a simple Thank You than I am about the actual gift exchange. I would be happy to continue to send gifts to my niece and nephew forever if I felt like it meant something to them.

I will let this one go!

let it go,,,,but i can understand



a recognition, or a simple thank you,,,,,should be good manners... or common courtesy...


my son graduated from college this past spring,,,,, he is a dr,

i told him around christmas.... to get a gift for my sister ,,,she loves being the aweome aunt,,,and has always gone overboard with xmas gifts,,for her nieces and nephews,,she has no kids..

well,,he got her a bottle of wine,,,,,and she cried,,,,.. none of the other adult kids were thoughtful enough to get her a gift,,..
it wasnt the gift, ,,, it was the thought,,,or thank you


she resigned herself,,that her gifts , were her thoughtfulness, whether she got a thank you pr not..

i a;ways told all the kids to thank and hug her.....

christmas is one of the few times,,,she sees the kids throughout the year..

[hellob]

If you want to say something, I would wait until November and say that the kids are older and if they are interested in a secret Santa between each other to let you know or something like that. You're telling her that you're not planning to buy anything without it being awkward.