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So I'm in a bit of a predicament. I suspect my 17 year old son (who was out with his coworker friends for a bit last night) smoked pot and then drove everyone home. I was out last night so I couldn't evaluate him when he came home, but based on several facts I've discovered, I think this is what happened.
I know they were down an old country road where it's dark and are no houses. This tends to be the MO for teens in these parts because of all the farmland around our town. Kids all throughout the years find secluded spots and throw parties, make bonfires, go 4-wheeling, etc. He doesn't know that I know, so I'd rather not even say anything about that. He left his shirt on the chair in the front room and it smells badly of smoke so that's what I will use as the reason I'm bringing the conversation up to him. I don't necessarily want to rag him out or ground him.. I am more interested in taking an approach that will actually get through to him about the dangers in driving while under the influence.
I do know that there is a possibility he was just the driver and didn't do anything, although I think this isn't very likely. I do understand that teens will do this and want to experiment, my concern is the driving, particularly that he had a carload of his coworkers with him.
He is not a regular pot-smoker or drinker, although he has done a little of each. Mostly he is a homebody when he is not working, so this behavior is not typical of him. I think a lot of teens minimize the impact of marijuana and see it as kinda harmless.
How would you guys handle this?
Take his car away for a week ? Or tell him your ok if he smokes pot, as long as he doesn't drive ? Or he can only smoke pot while at home ? Do you smoke pot ?
Your house, your rules (as well as your spouses) until he is 18 and out on his own.
Some would call it 'tough love'...I call it RAISING A CHILD PROPERLY.
You do what you want, though...seems every other 'new age' parent does, these days; not my problem...UNTIL a kid like yours T-bones MY vehicle...and if we both survive the accident and smell weed on his breath...you'll be getting some very bad news from law enforcement AND whatever hospital receives him afterwards.
I've lost too much already, I REFUSE to lose what little I have left to someone stoned or drunk behind the wheel, and then HAVE to scratch & claw for legal counsel while waiting & waiting & waiting for my claims to be heard in court ?
Your house, your rules (as well as your spouses) until he is 18 and out on his own.
Some would call it 'tough love'...I call it RAISING A CHILD PROPERLY.
You do what you want, though...seems every other 'new age' parent does, these days; not my problem...UNTIL a kid like yours T-bones MY vehicle...and if we both survive the accident and smell weed on his breath...you'll be getting some very bad news from law enforcement AND whatever hospital receives him afterwards.
I've lost too much already, I REFUSE to lose what little I have left to someone stoned or drunk behind the wheel, and then HAVE to scratch & claw for legal counsel while waiting & waiting & waiting for my claims to be heard in court ?
Yes this is my thought exactly. It's not me trying to ban him from smoking pot altogether...
And he's 17 years old as you stated. What a cool parent you must be. Actually, not a real parent, just a friend. You need to rise up to the task of being a real parent, but we understand, it is more important to be a cool friend than a real parent.
You must be referring to an earlier thread?: Drinking at 17
My predicament, hmm. Well my son isn't a big partier so for that I feel pretty darn lucky, I'll be honest. The above thread was a discussion about a night my son was "planning" that he had discussed with me beforehand (which I greatly appreciate). At his age I would NEVER have told my mom. I think many, probably most, would not have had such an open conversation with their parent. The night never ended up happening.
Regarding underage drinking, no I don't like the fact that he will on occasion drink alcohol (and there have been 2 occasions since the above thread was posted, both of which I was well aware of in advance). I wish he had no interest. This is just not the typical teenager mentality however. Teens will experiment.
I have chosen to be a realist on the matter because I would much rather keep the lines of communication open with my son. If he wants to drink with his friends he will find a way. Him sneaking around will just mean I am MORE in the dark and I don't want that. In situations like this I try to advise him and focus more on his safety while engaging in drinking alcohol. Let's face it folks, at 18 he can move outta here and drink as much as he wants. I would rather him have a little experience with how to properly handle himself and his alcohol before he goes off into the world on his own.
On the 2 occasions he drank with his friends, the first night he stayed over... a big group of them planned to. I was given the hosts number and address and did keep in touch with her through the night. Yes he drank too much. He did not leave though and he next morning was hating life. That's what happens.. good to learn now. The 2nd time was at the same house with the same people, and they had a DD. I watch as he was dropped off. I am a hoverer and watch behind the scenes WAY more than he could ever imagine.
Regarding a possible DWI... yes he could have driven high. I don't yet know if that is what happened. I am assuming the worst but I could be wrong. Perhaps he didn't smoke because he was the driver. He may lie his ass off and I won't ever really know what happened. I need to either be able to get through to him or make him understand the freedom he now has to drive around will be snatched away from him if he engages in this behavior. I will see what he says about it today when I talk to him. I just haven't had the right opportunity yet but I have been thinking about it nonstop, believe me.
All I can say is we definitely don't see things the same way as parent when it comes to drinking. I don't have a 17 years old so it's hard for me to judge but the idea it is acceptable for 17 years old to drink? Sorry.. I don't agree.
You must be referring to an earlier thread?: Drinking at 17
My predicament, hmm. Well my son isn't a big partier so for that I feel pretty darn lucky, I'll be honest. The above thread was a discussion about a night my son was "planning" that he had discussed with me beforehand (which I greatly appreciate). At his age I would NEVER have told my mom. I think many, probably most, would not have had such an open conversation with their parent. The night never ended up happening.
Regarding underage drinking, no I don't like the fact that he will on occasion drink alcohol (and there have been 2 occasions since the above thread was posted, both of which I was well aware of in advance). I wish he had no interest. This is just not the typical teenager mentality however. Teens will experiment.
I have chosen to be a realist on the matter because I would much rather keep the lines of communication open with my son. If he wants to drink with his friends he will find a way. Him sneaking around will just mean I am MORE in the dark and I don't want that. In situations like this I try to advise him and focus more on his safety while engaging in drinking alcohol. Let's face it folks, at 18 he can move outta here and drink as much as he wants. I would rather him have a little experience with how to properly handle himself and his alcohol before he goes off into the world on his own.
On the 2 occasions he drank with his friends, the first night he stayed over... a big group of them planned to. I was given the hosts number and address and did keep in touch with her through the night. Yes he drank too much. He did not leave though and he next morning was hating life. That's what happens.. good to learn now. The 2nd time was at the same house with the same people, and they had a DD. I watch as he was dropped off. I am a hoverer and watch behind the scenes WAY more than he could ever imagine.
Regarding a possible DWI... yes he could have driven high. I don't yet know if that is what happened. I am assuming the worst but I could be wrong. Perhaps he didn't smoke because he was the driver. He may lie his ass off and I won't ever really know what happened. I need to either be able to get through to him or make him understand the freedom he now has to drive around will be snatched away from him if he engages in this behavior. I will see what he says about it today when I talk to him. I just haven't had the right opportunity yet but I have been thinking about it nonstop, believe me.
i use to allow my son to take sips and drinks of adult beverages as a teenager,,,he didnt like most of it,,,but it took the mystery away and no peer pressure..
his mother and other mothers also surprised me with the same attitude...the worse thing in the world is having a cop call you saying your child has been in an accident
so
many parents allowed there kids to have a little amount as to stay and play video games than go to the hardcore parties...
we even called the other parents and surprisingly we all seem to have the same attitude..
the kids spend the night ....no riding in cars....no not knowing where they are
and you know what having a bottle of wine......open ...they knew they could have it but didnt want it..again took the mystery out of it
the kids that had parents of zero tolerance.....that scared and shamed their kids about alcohol...most went to college and went nuts partied and partied and had no coping skills....they couldnt handle it...and they got behind on their studies and dropped out
be careful parents.....you may win the battle but lose the war
as far as weed...
yes talk to your kids one on one...
ask why they want to take drugs to escape???? is there life so bad they have to try to create an illusion??
then they will apply this angle towards there friends.....if they see friends getting tanked they more feel sorry for them than want to join them..
set the stage ... and offer experience and advice..
the kids that had parents of zero tolerance.....that scared and shamed their kids about alcohol...most went to college and went nuts partied and partied and had no coping skills....they couldnt handle it...and they got behind on their studies and dropped out
be careful parents.....you may win the battle but lose the war
There's a difference between condoning free-wheeling alcohol and weed consumption and permitting a taste of wine at a family dinner or celebration. My kids tasted wine and beer starting at 15. They had no interest in it -- turned up their nose and said "Euwwww". I have no illusions that they abstained from enjoying alcohol in college -- but they had grown with with examples of moderation and responsibility. Whenever we went out to dinner, occasionally my husband would hand me the keys after a couple of beers -- not because he was impaired, but because he wanted to model responsible drinking. The kids grew up knowing that being a grown up meant taking responsibility for your alcohol consumption and your decisions to drive.
For those who mentioned drug testing: yes I can absolutely do this and I have, HOWEVER marijuana shows up in their system for quite some time after they smoked it. All that will tell me is the last time he smoked was within the last 2-4 weeks, maybe longer. Good to know but ineffective at trying to determine if he drove under the influence. This is the same issue law enforcement has out on scene... yes they will issue DWI's for those testing positive for THC but the truth of the matter is that test only tells them that THC is in their system, not when they smoked it and IF they are even still under the influence.
Look you sound like u should buy the drug test kit the cops have so you can evaluate him. If he gets in a accident over DUI or faded he will put everybody and himself in danger. if the cops pull him over thats not a concern as much as the safety. If its your house, car and etc take it away from him.
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