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Old 02-01-2017, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
13,683 posts, read 9,543,501 times
Reputation: 25292

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pghquest View Post

but jumping to the conclusion that they are having inappropriate discussions is simply wrong..
Huh? Any discussion they have on the phone is simply wrong and inappropriate.

 
Old 02-01-2017, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
21,500 posts, read 54,619,790 times
Reputation: 20976
When I was about 16, I had a close friend who was in her late 30s. I met her when I did a rotortilling job for her and her husband. There was nothing sexual (Being a 16 year old male and her being very attractive I may have wished there was). We were just good friends. She and her husband did not get along well. I listened to her marriage woes, and general boredom issues or whatever, and she listened to my teenage angst, girl problems, parent problems, and gave me advice. Really no different than other female friends of my age who were nothing more than friend. Yes, Guys and gals can actually be just friends, even very close friends. I think parents with a problem with that are really just upset that they are not in control of advice or friendship of their kid. I would not have any particular problem if one of my daughters had an older guy friend. They did develop friendships with some of their teachers and professors and stay in touch with them years later. I do not think it is reasonable to assume every person who has any connection with a younger person of the opposite gender is a sexual predator. Is a 40 year old woman really going to be interested in a 16 year old kid?
 
Old 02-01-2017, 03:48 PM
Status: "On Break" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
81,411 posts, read 92,058,906 times
Reputation: 28077
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
Not between a 16 and a 40 year old! There's no reason why a 40 year old should be having long conversations with a 16 year old! NONE!
Go back and read the post I was responding to. That poster said "Anything that a kid is saying to a friend better be something that can be said in front of the parents." Anything? Ever? I don't think much of that parenting philosophy.

I did say I didn't think much of this relationship. Guess you missed that.
 
Old 02-01-2017, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
7,136 posts, read 3,954,980 times
Reputation: 10035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
When I was about 16, I had a close friend who was in her late 30s. I met her when I did a rotortilling job for her and her husband. There was nothing sexual (Being a 16 year old male and her being very attractive I may have wished there was). We were just good friends. She and her husband did not get along well. I listened to her marriage woes, and general boredom issues or whatever, and she listened to my teenage angst, girl problems, parent problems, and gave me advice. Really no different than other female friends of my age who were nothing more than friend. Yes, Guys and gals can actually be just friends, even very close friends. I think parents with a problem with that are really just upset that they are not in control of advice or friendship of their kid. I would not have any particular problem if one of my daughters had an older guy friend. They did develop friendships with some of their teachers and professors and stay in touch with them years later. I do not think it is reasonable to assume every person who has any connection with a younger person of the opposite gender is a sexual predator. Is a 40 year old woman really going to be interested in a 16 year old kid?

I actually see this poster's point and there is little doubt this is how the son sees it. But with that said if I was the parent I would be very very concerned. The problem is how do you confront the 40 year old without totally losing your son who will obviously find out eventually? You were proud that he shared this with you. That won't happen again if you interfere here.
 
Old 02-01-2017, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
33,097 posts, read 31,558,331 times
Reputation: 59833
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post

I think parents with a problem with that are really just upset that they are not in control of advice or friendship of their kid.
This ^^^ is really dismissive and sells parents short.

It's possible to care about your child's well-being, want the best for them and be wary of suspicious situations without it having anything to do with controlling their lives.
 
Old 02-01-2017, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Port Charlotte FL
755 posts, read 355,631 times
Reputation: 2016
turn her in to the cops.
 
Old 02-01-2017, 05:22 PM
 
Location: United States
831 posts, read 421,686 times
Reputation: 2104
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
... I do not think it is reasonable to assume every person who has any connection with a younger person of the opposite gender is a sexual predator.
Every person? Certainly not ... you are using an absolute term (every person) in that sentence. Has every person who filed a tax return cheated? Has every spouse lied to their partner? Cheated on them? Of course not. If asking whether some transgressions occur, then the answer clearly becomes yes. The word every leaves no room for exceptions. Modifying your statement I would say it is not unreasonable to assume that some people (likely a very small percentage) who have had a connection with a younger person of the opposite gender may have been predatory or deviant in their desires.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
Is a 40 year old woman really going to be interested in a 16 year old kid?
Psychiatrists would refer others to numerous well-documented case studies illustrating that it does happen ... just go to Wikipedia and look at the bewildering list of paraphilias that keep mental health professionals busy. Nobody on this forum can possibly know what is in the mind of this particular 40-year-old woman. Perhaps she is a much younger version of Mother Theresa and, therefore, a person who would receive a resounding stamp of approval from virtually all.

But what if she is not? There is no way to plumb the depths of the human mind to ascertain what her motivation, if any, is. Has she ever had any sexual desire to be with a much younger male? Her history is unknown at this time. For example, there are stories reported regularly of older teachers having inappropriate contact with much younger students. Since the central questions remain unanswerable, the prudent thing for the parents is to be proactive and choose to be cautious.
 
Old 02-01-2017, 05:29 PM
 
12,062 posts, read 7,969,028 times
Reputation: 8225
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
Who cares what the age of consent is. The 16 year old is a kid and living in his parents home. If he would like to make his own rules then he can see how it is living on his own.
It is not in the place of the police to enforce any parental dictum unless there is someone violating the law.
 
Old 02-01-2017, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
7,089 posts, read 1,775,354 times
Reputation: 7163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
Go back and read the post I was responding to. That poster said "Anything that a kid is saying to a friend better be something that can be said in front of the parents." Anything? Ever? I don't think much of that parenting philosophy.

I did say I didn't think much of this relationship. Guess you missed that.


I agree with SOON2BNSURPRISE post. As a parent I would want to know EXACTLY what the conversation was between my 16 year old and a 40 year old! I wouldn't care if my 16 year old thought it was intrusive. I'd rather they be mad then something bad happen to them! Do I need to know all details of every conversation they have with their friends? No, but if that friend is an adult, yes! There is nothing appropriate going on here!
 
Old 02-01-2017, 05:33 PM
 
12,062 posts, read 7,969,028 times
Reputation: 8225
Quote:
Originally Posted by pghquest View Post
The OP can file a "trespass warning", which would stop all contact legally, but that seems a little aggressive given the lack of knowing what is being discussed.
No, a trespass warning can only get police to act if the woman is coming onto their property physically.
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