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Old 02-06-2017, 12:16 PM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,459,795 times
Reputation: 19722

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Quote:
Originally Posted by emerald2 View Post
Understand that TV shows aren't real life.
True Crime shows are tales of real life crimes.

 
Old 02-06-2017, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
16,289 posts, read 32,239,939 times
Reputation: 21890
Quote:
Originally Posted by emerald2 View Post
None of those things have anything to do with being friends.

What aspects of a 16-year old's personality make them unable to pick their own friends that an 18-year old's personality allows them to pick their own friends?
An 18 year old is supposed to be considered an adult. At 18 they can make decisions that a 16 year old can not make. A 16 year old is a minor and can not make the same decisions. As a parent I can control who my kids spend time with. Since a 16 year old is a kid then they fit the mold. An 18 year old can legally live on their own. As a parent I can still control what happens in my own home, even if that kid is now 25. Parents reach is limited to what happens in the home, especially since a 25 year old or an 18 year old could leave if they chose to. A 16 year old does not have the same freedom of movement.

An example: We do not allow our kids to smoke, drink, take drugs, or even watch movies that are R rated or anything worse and in today's world we even watch the PG movies. Our kids friends know the rules and follow them in our home.

A couple boys were spending the night. One of them is close the other was new. The new kid brought some R rated movies with him to our home and figured that they would watch them in our sons room.

The kid that we knew told new kid that they could not watch R rated moves in our home. New kid said no one would know because they were in the room. The kid we know explained to new kid that our son would not go along with it and that we as parents would more than likely stop by to check on things during the evening.

They never did watch those Rated R movies. LOL.

Another time when one of our sons was a Senior in high school, he called to ask me to pick him up. He was at a Birthday party and the dad of the girl whose party it was, went to the kitchen and was making drinks for the teens at the party. Our son felt uncomfortable around a parent that would get the teen's drinks. Not only is that bad parenting but in our area a parent can get arrested for supplying alcohol to minors.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 02:42 PM
 
687 posts, read 614,004 times
Reputation: 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
Well, I saw her FB profile and that doesn't look like it would be the case.


I recently checked the phone records and there have been no additional calls between them. He has been busy with lately with activities and spending time with friends.


When we discussed how her husband would view this situation, it really made our son see everything in a different light.


Thanks again to everyone for all the input. This really was a difficult situation for us to deal with. He doesn't seem to have any lingering resentment. It might be true that he felt like he was in over his head.
Sounds like this was handled very well! Thanks for keeping us posted.

The best solution I could think of was for your son to realize it was inappropriate and cut off the relationship himself. It shows he is becoming a mature adult. Kudos to him!
 
Old 02-06-2017, 02:52 PM
 
1,479 posts, read 1,302,383 times
Reputation: 5383
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
Well, I saw her FB profile and that doesn't look like it would be the case.


I recently checked the phone records and there have been no additional calls between them. He has been busy with lately with activities and spending time with friends.


When we discussed how her husband would view this situation, it really made our son see everything in a different light.


Thanks again to everyone for all the input. This really was a difficult situation for us to deal with. He doesn't seem to have any lingering resentment. It might be true that he felt like he was in over his head.
Good for you! This is a prime example of parents needing to be parent. A lot of times young people gets into situations that they do not know how to handle to deal with or get out of. You did the right thing in discussing this with your son.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 03:45 PM
 
18,495 posts, read 15,477,105 times
Reputation: 16163
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
An 18 year old is supposed to be considered an adult. At 18 they can make decisions that a 16 year old can not make. A 16 year old is a minor and can not make the same decisions. As a parent I can control who my kids spend time with. Since a 16 year old is a kid then they fit the mold. An 18 year old can legally live on their own. As a parent I can still control what happens in my own home, even if that kid is now 25. Parents reach is limited to what happens in the home, especially since a 25 year old or an 18 year old could leave if they chose to. A 16 year old does not have the same freedom of movement.

An example: We do not allow our kids to smoke, drink, take drugs, or even watch movies that are R rated or anything worse and in today's world we even watch the PG movies. Our kids friends know the rules and follow them in our home.

A couple boys were spending the night. One of them is close the other was new. The new kid brought some R rated movies with him to our home and figured that they would watch them in our sons room.

The kid that we knew told new kid that they could not watch R rated moves in our home. New kid said no one would know because they were in the room. The kid we know explained to new kid that our son would not go along with it and that we as parents would more than likely stop by to check on things during the evening.

They never did watch those Rated R movies. LOL.

Another time when one of our sons was a Senior in high school, he called to ask me to pick him up. He was at a Birthday party and the dad of the girl whose party it was, went to the kitchen and was making drinks for the teens at the party. Our son felt uncomfortable around a parent that would get the teen's drinks. Not only is that bad parenting but in our area a parent can get arrested for supplying alcohol to minors.
And yet somehow in Europe is it common for people to be introduced to social drinking much sooner without problems.


At most the people who will become "wild" at some point are merely going to postpone it, from 16 to 18 or 21, but it's still going to happen.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 04:25 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,806,244 times
Reputation: 17473
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
And yet somehow in Europe is it common for people to be introduced to social drinking much sooner without problems.


At most the people who will become "wild" at some point are merely going to postpone it, from 16 to 18 or 21, but it's still going to happen.
Your assumption about teen drinking in Europe being less problematic is actually untrue.

http://www.vox.com/2016/1/26/1083320...r-drinking-age

Quote:
According to international data from the World Health Organization, European teens ages 15 to 19 tend to report greater levels of binge drinking than American teens.

This continues into adulthood. Total alcohol consumption per person is much higher in most of Europe. Drinkers in several European countries — including the UK, France, Belgium, Denmark, Sweden, and Iceland — are also more likely to report binge drinking than their US counterparts.

Younger teens in Europe appear to drink more, as well. David Jernigan, an alcohol policy expert at Johns Hopkins University, studied survey data, finding that 15- and 16-year-old Americans are less likely to report drinking and getting drunk in the past month than their counterparts in most European countries.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 04:37 PM
 
18,495 posts, read 15,477,105 times
Reputation: 16163
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
Your assumption about teen drinking in Europe being less problematic is actually untrue.

http://www.vox.com/2016/1/26/1083320...r-drinking-age
Interesting, thanks for the link.

USA is given by that source as having total consumption of 15+ year olds as 7.5 - 9.9 liters per year and most of Europe is in the next higher band, 10.0-12.4 liters per year. I would argue that having a slightly higher average is not tantamount to alcoholism. Perhaps you can make somewhat of a case based on the frequency of "binge drinking", though one can't help but wonder what happened to the frequency of binge drinking in the 20-24 age group.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,117 posts, read 63,506,690 times
Reputation: 92761
Shut it down, by whatever method necessary. The fault in the first place is the parents not monitoring the cell phone. I am old fashioned, I admit, but if I had kids now, they would not have unlimited internet/phone access.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 05:47 PM
 
13,754 posts, read 13,232,704 times
Reputation: 26019
I'd report her just to see if it really is illegal. Probably not depending on the age of consent.
The fact he told you is such a positive. Don't alienate him. (I probably need to read all bazillion pages of this thread)
I bet she is pressuring him and he doesn't want to be mean, plus it feeds his ego.
Tough situation. She's not all there. I'd have to restrict the phone use at night, for sure. Sleep is healthy for him. That wench is not.
I just read up a few posts and see you've got a handle on it. Good.
 
Old 02-06-2017, 06:08 PM
 
13,754 posts, read 13,232,704 times
Reputation: 26019
I want to add, my son was a bit older than yours and became involved with a woman who had sons his age. Creepy but he was out of the house and I had to keep the peace or lose contact with him. It was scary.
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