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Old 01-31-2017, 10:08 AM
 
Location: In an alternate universe according to some, AKA Aspergers
19,374 posts, read 19,204,967 times
Reputation: 13383

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lbjen View Post
If it was a man contacting your 16 year old daughter, what would you do? This is no different. How many other parents have protected this woman in the past, so that she is still free to do this to your son? When you see those 16 year olds on Amber Alerts, believed to be with an older person they met online, and you wonder how did their parents not know this was happening? You know this is happening. You have a chance to stop any further damage being done to your child.

As for Mrs X's life being ruined - she took that chance when she decided to waste hours every night talking to a random stranger. Unless she has a very convincing case to prove he did a great job of misleading her on his age, she is the adult and she is at fault.
First, it doesn't matter one whit to me whether it's my son or daughter, BOTH/Either would be handled the same way.
To answer your question I would get on the damn phone like YESTERDAY and first verify the person is what she portrays and then make it abundantly clear, so clear even someone with an IQ of 40 could understand that it will not continue and, should you decide to ignore this request then local LEO's and possibly Federal LEO's (long distance call, over state lines, Man act?) will have to step in.

If "she" is NOT what "she" portrays (really a man or??) then yes, it'd then be time to call in LEO's as that absolutely shows bad intentions, unless of course she turns out to be a female under age herself.

As for Mrs.X talking to random strangers, are you not doing that RIGHT NOW? People do that every damn day across the internet (fakebook,twittle etc) and through video game consoles, this has concerned me since my son got his first console that was able to do that.
I've been saying this for years, If we're not careful social media will be the end of us all...

 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:13 AM
 
12,055 posts, read 7,937,833 times
Reputation: 8220
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
16 is a minor child, still in high school. Parents are still legally and morally responsible for their safety and well being






Yeah....

I agree with calling the woman directly as a first step. The 16 year old is in over his head.


I agree with this:



Has the OP done anything yet? Anything at all?
Of course calling the woman is not unreasonable, but these people saying call the police...come on, at 16 in my state you can have unrestricted sex without parental consent.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:34 AM
 
12,055 posts, read 7,937,833 times
Reputation: 8220
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
It really does take an arrest....which comes after an investigation.

If this person is innocent as you want to claim....She has nothing to worry about, because once the police inform her that this child is 16, she of course deletes his contact and never is on the phone with him again.....feel better??

Seriously, at this point there might be reason to charge this person with delinquency of a minor....middle of the night, underage minor, secret phone calls....
No, contributing to the delinquency of a minor is a charge that would only apply if he did something illegal and she had something to do with it. And this is something that would need to be proved in court.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:36 AM
 
3,189 posts, read 2,866,330 times
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Thanks for all the feedback, it has been really helpful.


My son is involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. Ironically, one of them is that he is a member of the local Police Explorers group. I think I will discuss the situation with the sergeant in charge of that program.


I will definitely call the woman tonight.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:38 AM
 
378 posts, read 112,265 times
Reputation: 674
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
A few weeks ago our son casually mentioned that he has been chatting with a 40 year old woman online. I tried not to overreact. I asked him what they chat about. He said they both play the same online video game and initially, they just talked about that. Then it veered off into music, movies and books. Then she told him that she is in the midst of a difficult divorce. Sshe lives about 400 miles away.


We were really happy that he volunteered this information, which indicated he wasn't being secretive about it. We decided the best course was to keep the lines of communication open and just make sure he keeps us informed. We had a long talk about internet safety, cat fishing, etc.


We make him turn in his cellphone before bed every night, so he isn't up all hours of the night. My husband noticed that he does delete his text conversations with this woman.


So, yesterday we looked at the landline phone bill.


He has been talking to her on the phone in the middle of the night. Once, on a Monday night, he had a FIVE HOUR conversation with her. Twice, he had two hour conversations after midnight. This is all in the past two weeks.


We sat him down and confronted him with this. I did a search on Facebook of her phone number. She does have the name and age that she told him, but she still identifies as "married" on her FB profile. We have a difficult time believing that this "relationship" has not veered off into inappropriate territory. He swears up and down they are just friends. We are also concerned her husband is going to look at THEIR phone bill and try to find the person his wife has been chatting with in the middle of the night. I told my son that he needs to think hard about ending this. My husband said, "No thinking is required - END IT". I didn't want to be harsh, because usually that just causes teens to sneak around and do stuff behind your back.


My husband wants to call her just in case she isn't aware that he is only sixteen. I'm worried about losing our son's trust, but I see his point. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
As a former 16 year old boy (before you could easily find people you never met ), I suspect your son is having teenage feelings and possibly fantasies about this woman. I had crushes on neighbors and teachers that were around that age, I have to admit.

I suggest you be very honest with him and tell him the relationship is awkward and inappropriate. It is hard to say, but possibly your husband should speak to him alone. You and your husband know who he trusts more. Maybe he trusts both of you enough that you can both talk to him. I suggest however, that you do it in a non-confrontational manner. Treat him as a young adult who needs some guidance.

If you have not explained to him that possibly the woman's husband could have a major problem with this, then I suggest doing so.

I am curious to know if he has any friendships with kids (especially girls) in his own age group. Maybe he feels intimidated by them. I had that issue!

Good luck.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:45 AM
 
2,089 posts, read 1,893,419 times
Reputation: 2029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
A few weeks ago our son casually mentioned that he has been chatting with a 40 year old woman online. I tried not to overreact. I asked him what they chat about. He said they both play the same online video game and initially, they just talked about that. Then it veered off into music, movies and books. Then she told him that she is in the midst of a difficult divorce. Sshe lives about 400 miles away.


We were really happy that he volunteered this information, which indicated he wasn't being secretive about it. We decided the best course was to keep the lines of communication open and just make sure he keeps us informed. We had a long talk about internet safety, cat fishing, etc.


We make him turn in his cellphone before bed every night, so he isn't up all hours of the night. My husband noticed that he does delete his text conversations with this woman.


So, yesterday we looked at the landline phone bill.


He has been talking to her on the phone in the middle of the night. Once, on a Monday night, he had a FIVE HOUR conversation with her. Twice, he had two hour conversations after midnight. This is all in the past two weeks.



We sat him down and confronted him with this. I did a search on Facebook of her phone number. She does have the name and age that she told him, but she still identifies as "married" on her FB profile. We have a difficult time believing that this "relationship" has not veered off into inappropriate territory. He swears up and down they are just friends. We are also concerned her husband is going to look at THEIR phone bill and try to find the person his wife has been chatting with in the middle of the night. I told my son that he needs to think hard about ending this. My husband said, "No thinking is required - END IT". I didn't want to be harsh, because usually that just causes teens to sneak around and do stuff behind your back.


My husband wants to call her just in case she isn't aware that he is only sixteen. I'm worried about losing our son's trust, but I see his point. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
So who still has a landline? Or a house phone that doesn't have unlimited long distance?

In all seriousness, time for this to end.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
32,884 posts, read 31,373,748 times
Reputation: 59323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
I will definitely call the woman tonight.
What were y'all doing last night?? I would have had a very hard time sitting on this.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 11:01 AM
 
14,337 posts, read 16,140,265 times
Reputation: 21126
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
No, contributing to the delinquency of a minor is a charge that would only apply if he did something illegal and she had something to do with it. And this is something that would need to be proved in court.
Easy enough to prove since they have the phone bills.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 11:36 AM
 
4,672 posts, read 5,265,190 times
Reputation: 8436
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I would call the woman and have a frank talk with her. TODAY.
^^^ Listen to hubby. also option is to call the police. your son is a minor you know.

in my state we have on line teams of law enforcement going after this sort of thing. Bringing them in all the time. There are crazies out there
 
Old 01-31-2017, 12:08 PM
 
68,982 posts, read 49,591,313 times
Reputation: 9305
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimj View Post
^^^^^THIS^^^^^

Accusations like this can RUIN people for life even if proven false. I would have to guess given the length of their conversations the question "so, how old are you" might/probably have come up. Maybe he lied or maybe it didn't come up, until you KNOW for certain and not just guess the best route is to call her and shut it down and then monitor phone lines for activity.

Should it continue past that point THEN call in the police as you'll know for certain what's going on.
What exactly does one think will happen by calling the police? At this point, they arent doing anything other than talking.. Its not illegal to talk to others, even those underage, and for all anyone knows, the child could have issues that the "female" is helping him talk through, like therapy..

Accusations like this are horrible, so I would first ask the son, what they discuss. He didnt have an issue disclosing that they were talking, so I would give her the benefit of the doubt..

Trust, but verify..

yeah, I'd be concerned, but I wouldnt automatically assume she's some pedophile, especially given their common interests like gaming.

The police, cant do anything if they havent broken the law.. other than to give her notification that the parent is not pleased with the conversations. If they were trying to hide a "relationship", they will simply continue it online through gaming.. where its far less detectable.

OP, what are you then going to do, stop your kid from playing video games?
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