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How could the son know much about being an adult with a mother that hasn't really grown up? She is 53 and still rents? Raised a child in an apartment? Those certainly don't show the son what hard work can bring you.
When I was the sons age girls stayed home until marriage and boys until they could buy a house. All different cultures. Only the lower class would get an apartment.
I'm with the other 2 posters who saw this post for what it was, a complete piece of garbage. Who are you to tell this OP that living in an apartment means she is a complete failure?
I feel sorry for any parent who has such a horrible relationship with they kids that they want them to leave. I never wanted my two sons to go. We signed on as parents for life, not just 21 years, or whatever. I guess every parent sees it differently.
You are what is wrong with this country. You are doing your sons a disservice in coddling them. Our jobs as responsible parents is to prepare them to be productive members of society with the ability to live on their own, have good jobs and take care of their own family - preparing your grandchildren to then do the same.
So my son, who just turned 23, graduated from college a few months ago. I told him he was welcome to stay with me as long as he wanted. Big mistake.
My husband and I divorced many many years ago, and I raised my son in an apartment. I still live in this apartment, and while I missed my son when he was away at college, I loved having my own space. Things are now back to the way they way were before they went to college, except that he's a 23-year-old man instead of a teenage boy.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot. He's an adult now and I have no obligation to let him live with me. So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place. And he hit the ceiling.
He told me I was selfish and didn't love him, and also called me a traitor and other horrific things. He said all this instead of thanking me for letting him stay under my roof for 8 months. How does he not understand me wanting my own space after 23 years? I took having my own space for granted when he was at college, which is why I said he could return for as long as he wanted, but now I realize what a luxury I had and that I really want it back.
Surely he must understand my need for peace and independence.
I found it odd that you think he would. He does not see you as an individual person, most likely, but as HIS MOTHER only.
I'm not saying that to disparage your son. I have a 25-year-old daughter who has been out on her own except for two brief periods of a couple months each when she stayed with me, before and after living overseas.
But I think she just sees me as Mom and not as a woman who wants now to move ahead with whatever life remains.
Stick to your guns. I understand your need for peace and independence!
He might not get it right away, but by forcing him to stand on his own, you are really doing him a favor.
Good luck.
ETA: Read some more in the thread, and yes, maybe it has to be discussed at a different level. Make a plan that involves both your input, but let him know that you need to live your life, too, and at your age you don't want to put it on hold too much longer.
How could the son know much about being an adult with a mother that hasn't really grown up? She is 53 and still rents? Raised a child in an apartment? Those certainly don't show the son what hard work can bring you.
When I was the sons age girls stayed home until marriage and boys until they could buy a house. All different cultures. Only the lower class would get an apartment.
So, what do you tell the mother who raised four children, all successful adults, on her own, with no child support payments and has had to rent during that time? Not grown up?
That would be my girl friend you are talking about. She is a 57 year old professional, who dedicated her life to her 4 children, and not herself. Get your head out of the sand; not everyone lives in Mayberry. Only now can she work on contributing to her 401K, which she is doing at the rate of $24K per year.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot. He's an adult now and I have no obligation to let him live with me. So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place. And he hit the ceiling.
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(1) Her son is working more than one job. (OP uses the word "Jobs"). And depending on what kind of degree he has acquired, he may not be able to get a decent paying job even if he tries his best to look for it.
(2) Her son did contribute -- but not a lot (depends on how much OP is considering "a lot").
(3) The OP said she has no obligation to live with her son, not because of his bad temper, but because he doesn't contribute a lot.
It looks like if her son can contribute more, then she does not mind her son staying longer with her.
You sound like such a selfish and cold hearted mom. He's not a random stranger, he's your son for goodness sake. You already said he doesn't make enough to contribute, so you're basically telling him to hit the streets.
The 23 year is an adult. Mom's under no obligation to let him live there. The sooner he moves out the better for him and for her. It's time for him to put on big boy pants and deal with life.
You are what is wrong with this country. You are doing your sons a disservice in coddling them. Our jobs as responsible parents is to prepare them to be productive members of society with the ability to live on their own, have good jobs and take care of their own family - preparing your grandchildren to then do the same.
Geez.
Yeah, because living with their parents means they're being coddled .
And she said she never wanted them to go, so it means they did move out at some point.
This notion that because someone is still living at home past a certain age means they're being coddled and are deadbeats needs to end, so many ignorant and presumptuous posts in this thread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaxPhd
The son had his lifestyle subsidized by Mom until Mom said no more. Unreasonable people get pissed off at that. Reasonable people don't.
Again, he may very well have been caught off guard. The Mom hasn't said if she actually sat him down and tried to formulate some kind of plan.
So my son, who just turned 23, graduated from college a few months ago. I told him he was welcome to stay with me as long as he wanted. Big mistake.
My husband and I divorced many many years ago, and I raised my son in an apartment. I still live in this apartment, and while I missed my son when he was away at college, I loved having my own space. Things are now back to the way they way were before they went to college, except that he's a 23-year-old man instead of a teenage boy.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot. He's an adult now and I have no obligation to let him live with me. So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place. And he hit the ceiling.
He told me I was selfish and didn't love him, and also called me a traitor and other horrific things. He said all this instead of thanking me for letting him stay under my roof for 8 months. How does he not understand me wanting my own space after 23 years? I took having my own space for granted when he was at college, which is why I said he could return for as long as he wanted, but now I realize what a luxury I had and that I really want it back.
Surely he must understand my need for peace and independence.
I have not read beyond the OP but just have to comment. First of all,you owe this adult NOTHING. He got his degree and is managing to find work and it's time to fly away now. His reaction to your telling him it's time to leave the nest is classic entitlement. He is not entitled to anything from you except the normal love of a mother.
Not wanting to come across as rude but it sounds to me like junior needs to grow a pair and man up.
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