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Quick update. Thank you for all your responses. I see that most of you are no my side, which I feel very grateful for(though I'm not too fond of the people telling me it's my fault he's behaving the way he is). My son took me seriously and has now managed to land a job in his field to triple his previous salary. He's also been staying out of my way a lot more. He spends most of the time in his room, and eats out a lot or with friends so I can eat dinner in peace.
Wow, 1to1onto, it sounds like you and your son have a super-close relationship. Do you think he feel all that motherly love just radiating out of you?? I bet
You know, if you're lucky (and I think you are) your baby boy will never find a girl who loves him like his mama, and the two of you can live out this awesome relationship based on mutual respect all the rest of your days.
That. OR, when he gets out on his own, he meets someone who appreciates him and enjoys his company, and you probably won't have to worry about hearing much from him again!! How awesome would that be, right?!
So my son, who just turned 23, graduated from college a few months ago. I told him he was welcome to stay with me as long as he wanted. Big mistake.
My husband and I divorced many many years ago, and I raised my son in an apartment. I still live in this apartment, and while I missed my son when he was away at college, I loved having my own space. Things are now back to the way they way were before they went to college, except that he's a 23-year-old man instead of a teenage boy.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot. He's an adult now and I have no obligation to let him live with me. So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place. And he hit the ceiling.
He told me I was selfish and didn't love him, and also called me a traitor and other horrific things. He said all this instead of thanking me for letting him stay under my roof for 8 months. How does he not understand me wanting my own space after 23 years? I took having my own space for granted when he was at college, which is why I said he could return for as long as he wanted, but now I realize what a luxury I had and that I really want it back.
Surely he must understand my need for peace and independence.
hey lady, guess what? your son is right that you are selfish and you don't love your son as much as you should. if you wanted "independence and peace", you should have gotten an abortion. Your fresh graduate son is struggling in this economy and needs your financial help until he could get on his feet, and i guarantee you he will leave as soon as he can from his selfish, unloving mother. You aren't even struggling to make ends meet (even if you were, your son living with you wouldn't add much more to your financial burden), but your son is, and your reason for wanting him to leave where he cannot pay rent is because you want to walk around the house naked or some other BS like that. For privacy, your own room is enough; why do you need your own apartment, especially when your son needs it?
hey lady, guess what? your son is right that you are selfish and you don't love your son as much as you should. if you wanted "independence and peace", you should have gotten an abortion. Your fresh graduate son is struggling in this economy and needs your financial help until he could get on his feet, and i guarantee you he will leave as soon as he can from his selfish, unloving mother. You aren't even struggling to make ends meet (even if you were, your son living with you wouldn't add much more to your financial burden), but your son is, and your reason for wanting him to leave where he cannot pay rent is because you want to walk around the house naked or some other BS like that. For privacy, your own room is enough; why do you need your own apartment, especially when your son needs it?
Hey borg, guess what, you must have missed the updated post that states the son got a full time job and he appears to be making arrangements be gone and is currently not home much.
Why do you assume you know what is right for this family? Isn't sweeping the dirt off of your own front porch first enough for you?
And to tell someone they should have had an abortion.......unbelieveable
hey lady, guess what? your son is right that you are selfish and you don't love your son as much as you should. if you wanted "independence and peace", you should have gotten an abortion. Your fresh graduate son is struggling in this economy and needs your financial help until he could get on his feet, and i guarantee you he will leave as soon as he can from his selfish, unloving mother. You aren't even struggling to make ends meet (even if you were, your son living with you wouldn't add much more to your financial burden), but your son is, and your reason for wanting him to leave where he cannot pay rent is because you want to walk around the house naked or some other BS like that. For privacy, your own room is enough; why do you need your own apartment, especially when your son needs it?
Now I can't help but feel this is a troll thread (not that I didn't before).
You posted this on 1/31. You mean to tell me in 3 days, he managed to get a job that triples his current salary?
I agree, just a little too convenient. I have never heard of anyone getting a job at 3x the pay of the last job (so let's say 3x minimum wage) within 4 days from applying to acceptance. And even if he did it's not like he's getting a salary advance to pay security deposit and first and last month's rent on his own place.
How do I get my 23-year-old son to move out of my house?
Wait until he's 28.
Kidding of course.
The reason your son isn't leaving though....is because he CAN'T without getting absolutely financially crushed. Talk to him. I'll bet his biggest fear in life is becoming a "perma-renter", not for lack of trying, but because of the economic reality that home prices are astronomical while wages remain depressed.
One option (because renting sucks terribly and is a good way to deplete your family's resources) is that perhaps you could offer to co-sign for a home if he saves for a down payment. I encourage getting him to save for the down payment as that teaches responsibility and will be necessary for the maintenance of the home. If you want grand kids one day then this is a good bet for you as you son isn't going to be able to start a family without a solid footing. Likely his income will still be low, but that can be supplemented by renting out rooms in the house.
The other thing you could do is get your local planning and zoning commission to allow the construction of more housing units in your area, and really in all areas. A stretch but the only way to get prices lower is to increase supply.
The tragedy of property ownership is that current owners want prices to rise, but would-be owners just want to get their foot in the door. Of course with rising prices.....well....then what? You sell your home and then buy into another property? That only works if you're significantly downsizing or plan on an alternative living arrangement. Neither helps the next generation own property. But once you get that foot in the door, BAM, life is good, especially since a mortgage payment is often lower than rent for the area. My 3br. house is costing me what a 1br. apartment goes for. The difference is that I'm not urinating away 100% of that, and I can rent out rooms if need be or use the property as a rental in the future, or sell at a profit. None of that can be done when you're wasting away paying obnoxious rent on an apartment.
It's a shame that so many (I just bought my first house early last year after a decade+ of diligently saving and struggling) are forced to, in many cases, lose their income on rent in order to make others rich. The rich get richer I guess. Often this isn't for a lack of trying or a complete lack of personal responsibility (though it often is because of that too) but instead because prices even adjusted for inflation are ridiculously higher than in every previous era.
I agree, just a little too convenient. I have never heard of anyone getting a job at 3x the pay of the last job (so let's say 3x minimum wage) within 4 days from applying to acceptance. And even if he did it's not like he's getting a salary advance to pay security deposit and first and last month's rent on his own place.
It's convenient because it's more than likely not true. No way..
Even if "her son" did start applying, it usually takes companies a few days to get back to you just to potentially set up an interview, then after that, at least a few days to get back to you to see if they want to hire you, or set up a 2nd interview (since they don't always hire after 1 interview).
Hey borg, guess what, you must have missed the updated post that states the son got a full time job and he appears to be making arrangements be gone and is currently not home much.
Why do you assume you know what is right for this family? Isn't sweeping the dirt off of your own front porch first enough for you?
And to tell someone they should have had an abortion.......unbelieveable
"To tell someone [who doesn't want the responsibility of raising/supporting their offspring whom they imposed life upon in a cruel,cold world] they should have had an abortion ........ unbelievable]."
The son was lucky to have landed the job. Had he not, he would have become homeless, and his cold-hearted, immoral, and irresponsible mother would not give a rat's ass, so long as she could eat dinner alone.
The outcome was that the son was lucky enough (extremely lucky, so lucky that many posters thought the OP was trolling to have reported that the son landed a job that paid three times as much just three days later). The intention of the OP is what I am criticizing.
You're telling me that a adult with a college degree can't make enough money to rent a room with some roommates? Bull.
That was my point exactly. Why not roommates like other single people trying to save? If the kid moving in is by mutual consent, and remains by mutual consent, then so be it. But as soon as the other party no longer desires it, then it's over. Whether or not this is a troll thread doesn't matter. I will allow my children to live our home (contributing) out of the love of our hearts, not because it's something that we MUST do. A kid isn't entitled to graduate with no debt or have a big downpayment for their big house, or whatever nice perk. I had student loans (which I paid off over time like everyone else), worked 60+ hours per week to save for my condo, and would have lived with two other people than move back into the womb (aka my mom's house). I started off my adult life just making ends meet, on my own, until I got my feet beneath me and then I took off. Nothing special about that..just the way I was raised.
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