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Old 01-31-2017, 09:52 AM
 
3,657 posts, read 3,275,304 times
Reputation: 7028

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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1to1onto View Post
You're saying it's my fault that he hasn't moved out? Last time I checked, adults were responsible for their own actions. Honestly, I'm quite jealous of your parents, because they were blessed with a responsible child who made smart decisions.
Yes, adults are responsible for their own actions, and you as an adult have not taken responsibly for your actions. You brought a child up and did nothing to prepare him to join the work force, by evidence of your own post.

The big question you have to answer, are you going to become a fully functioning parent and offer useful and productive guidance to your child, or are you going to kick him out like a divorce?

 
Old 01-31-2017, 09:55 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastcoastguyz View Post
Yes, adults are responsible for their own actions, and you as an adult have not taken responsibly for your actions. You brought a child up and did nothing to prepare him to join the work force, by evidence of your own post.
How do you even know this? Guess much?
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
18,762 posts, read 11,757,490 times
Reputation: 64149
Oh lordy, sometimes I'm extremely happy that I never had kids. All I know is that my brother never wanted to grow up and lived off of my mother until the day she died. He was in his 30's when I bought him out of the house. He went through the first part of his inheritance and I waited a year to give him the second installment. In the meantime he went into the military and was kicked out a couple of weeks later. I totally gutted the house so he had no place to live. He moved in with friends. I gave him his money and never saw him again. It was never going to be my turn to baby sit.

I don't blame you one bit for wanting your life back 1to1, but I have to agree that you could have handled it better. People have their own time line on which they grow up and your son's is out of sync with your expectations. He is not wrong and you are not wrong. I'd say find a better way to work with what you have and help him prepare. I see my friend's 23 year old that still lives at home and is in college. There's no way he could take care of himself right now. He is in the military and will be deployed after college.

I had another friend that rented an apartment for her mentally ill son because her husband told her that it was him or her son. She changed the locks on the house and left him with a note and key on the front door as to where he would be living. He broke in the house and destroyed everything he could get his hands on of his step father's. That was not handled well at all.

Oh and btw, 53 is not old I hope you find a way to work it out that doesn't destroy your relationship.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:20 AM
 
13 posts, read 17,229 times
Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Runninglikethieves View Post
As if a vast majority of 20 year old people live on their own, which I don't believe to be true.
He's 23, not 20. There's a huge difference.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:25 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1to1onto View Post
He's 23, not 20. There's a huge difference.
It does not make one whit of difference how many people do or not still live at home at any given age. The bottom line is that you deem it appropriate for him to get out. If you can help him make a plan and exit strategy, great. If not, slightly less great. But the bottom line is you have every right and every sensible reason to insist he leave by whatever legal means are at your disposal.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Brazil
1,213 posts, read 1,428,133 times
Reputation: 650
Poor guy for having a mom like you... That's explains a lot why he is having difficulties to find a better job and finding someone to share an appartment.
You should look for psychological help for both, you cerntaily caused emotional problems for him, and it's quite clear that you have serious issues too.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:29 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,132 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I just don't get it. My parents NEVER tried to push us out. We had our freedom to come and go and we contributed to the household. My brother was in his 30's when he got married and THEN moved out. I was 27 when I got married and THEN moved out. I don't get these parents that try to push their kids out especially at a young age (yes, 23 IS young) and they're not even making that much money to support themselves.


I sense no loving relationship at all.
Are you from another culture, bellakin? The live-at-home-until-marriage thing is more of an Old World tradition. And the flip side of that is that having a parent move in with you later in life, to get needed support and care from adult, married children. I wonder how well set for retirement and old age and infirmity the OP is.

I think it's not unusual for a new grad to need a year or maybe two, to find their niche--a "real" job that pays enough for independent living. Just because he's living with mom now, doesn't mean he'll still be there when he's 40. Working with him to develop a timeline and a plan would be helpful. Engaging in a constructive way, vs. issuing an ultimatum out of the blue, would be helpful. Or maybe he has friends with a spare room he can afford to pay for? Something like that would be another option.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:35 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,109,197 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by finalmove View Post
All nonsense. This is not a tenant.
Techncally he is a tenant and many parents have had to evict their *in theory* adult children.
Just because you have not experienced it does not make it false.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:47 AM
 
3,670 posts, read 7,149,998 times
Reputation: 4269
When facing life changes I usually flip out at first but then I calm down and deal with it.
 
Old 01-31-2017, 10:55 AM
 
10,075 posts, read 7,508,463 times
Reputation: 15500
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Techncally he is a tenant and many parents have had to evict their *in theory* adult children.
Just because you have not experienced it does not make it false.
unless he paid part of the rent, he is not a tenant but a guest of the house owner

guests can be kicked out and when they refuse to leave, the cops will remove them as they are trespassing

not sure what op meant by he contributes to household, might make him a tenant or not, if he bought food for the fridge as contribute vs paying bills
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