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So my son, who just turned 23, graduated from college a few months ago. I told him he was welcome to stay with me as long as he wanted. Big mistake.
My husband and I divorced many many years ago, and I raised my son in an apartment. I still live in this apartment, and while I missed my son when he was away at college, I loved having my own space. Things are now back to the way they way were before they went to college, except that he's a 23-year-old man instead of a teenage boy.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot. He's an adult now and I have no obligation to let him live with me. So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place. And he hit the ceiling.
He told me I was selfish and didn't love him, and also called me a traitor and other horrific things. He said all this instead of thanking me for letting him stay under my roof for 8 months. How does he not understand me wanting my own space after 23 years? I took having my own space for granted when he was at college, which is why I said he could return for as long as he wanted, but now I realize what a luxury I had and that I really want it back.
Surely he must understand my need for peace and independence.
If he refuses to move, you may have to. I know two couples who did exactly that. One couple had their daughters whole family there ( 4 people) and it got to be too much. You could put a for sale sign up and see it they decide to go ahead did get out.
How were you in your approach to asking him to find his own place? He may have been blindsided, and not currently ready to live out on his own quite yet (even if he does eventually want his own place and independence).
If he refuses to move, you may have to. I know two couples who did exactly that. One couple had their daughters whole family there ( 4 people) and it got to be too much. You could put a for sale sign up and see it they decide to go ahead did get out.
How is that fair? It's my house, not his. I'm the one paying the bills. It's my choice as to who gets to live there or not, just like you get to choose who lives or doesn't live in your house. It was nice enough of me to let him stay with me for a few months. He's 23, he should be supporting himself in his own place. How many 23-year-olds live with Mommy? I was stupid for even thinking of letting him live with me.
How is that fair? It's my house, not his. I'm the one paying the bills. It's my choice as to who gets to live there or not, just like you get to choose who lives or doesn't live in your house. It was nice enough of me to let him stay with me for a few months. He's 23, he should be supporting himself in his own place. How many 23-year-olds live with Mommy? I was stupid for even thinking of letting him live with me.
Life is not fair and you will more than likely have to go through legal steps to evict him from your home.
Be sure you follow the steps exactly and hire an attorney if you have to.
How many 23-year-olds live with Mommy? I was stupid for even thinking of letting him live with me.
Eh, plenty of 20-30 year olds nowadays live with their parents, and neither party minds it whatsoever, especially with how the job economy is.
Plus, even if they do live with their parents, a lot of them work and saving up money for their future, and also contribute around the house.
Is your son working and making money? Is he doing chores around the house? Does he treat you well?
Also, how do you know he'll even have enough money in the bank to move out? He may be lashing out at you cause he's stressed about figuring out how he'll manage his finances to move now. Look at it from his perspective.
You sound like such a selfish and cold hearted mom. He's not a random stranger, he's your son for goodness sake. You already said he doesn't make enough to contribute, so you're basically telling him to hit the streets.
How is that fair? It's my house, not his. I'm the one paying the bills. It's my choice as to who gets to live there or not, just like you get to choose who lives or doesn't live in your house. It was nice enough of me to let him stay with me for a few months. He's 23, he should be supporting himself in his own place. How many 23-year-olds live with Mommy? I was stupid for even thinking of letting him live with me.
These days it's not uncommon for 23-year-olds, recent college grads, to live with Mom. -If he doesn't make enough money to pay for rent, utilities and food, he'll end up on the street. He may not even be making enough to pay for a room in a shared house or apt. If his degree isn't enough for him to get jobs, maybe he should consider getting loans to go to grad school, or he could look for an employer that would sponsor grad school for him. You could brainstorm with him.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot...
So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place.
and this
Quote:
How is that fair? It's my house, not his. I'm the one paying the bills. It's my choice as to who gets to live there or not, just like you get to choose who lives or doesn't live in your house. It was nice enough of me to let him stay with me for a few months. He's 23, he should be supporting himself in his own place. How many 23-year-olds live with Mommy? I was stupid for even thinking of letting him live with me.
I think there's a chance you might not have handled it in the best way.
If he's not making enough to contribute, how do you expect him to move out?
If you told him he could stay as long as you wanted, how do you expect him to feel when you, apparently out of the blue, give him a 2 month deadline.
I kind of doubt, though I could certainly be wrong, that living with his mother his dream situation and you just shattered it.
Did you try talking to him about his plans?
Maybe that would have worked better.
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