U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-06-2017, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Norfolk, VA
5,555 posts, read 5,346,067 times
Reputation: 3012

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo775 View Post
I feel like people look down on me or just can't relate to me or others who don't have kids.
I never really wanted one but now I'm 42 and regret it....now I can't have them physically (health issues and weight loss I'm working on) or financially. I'm really sick of people saying "You can still have one!" Just annoying and somewhat rude. It just seems like everyone is having kids now especially people my age or older that I never expected to and/or said they never wanted them. I feel like I'm less of a person. Although when I watch my friend dealing with their small kids at a restaurant....how they don't listen....cry....and friends seems so stressed, then I'm kind of glad I don't have them. Feel conflicted.
At my age (44) it's more a case of you're not trying hard enough to have them. That's the real shame. Financially, I can't afford them either but I'm not sure if the average person can, especially in this economy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-06-2017, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
12,975 posts, read 7,170,096 times
Reputation: 49857
I never thought of not wanting kids as shameful. We have some Indian friends that told us that they are looked down on if they don't reproduce two years after marriage. Yikes, that seems extreme to me. Some of us are just not wired to want to reproduce. What's shameful is not being respected for not being born with baby fever. I like my choice because I have a lot of shorties in my life. They come and bring endless hours of amusement, then they go home to parents that have to deal with the day to day grind. I get all the fun
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,128 posts, read 3,945,661 times
Reputation: 10991
Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo775 View Post
I feel like people look down on me or just can't relate to me or others who don't have kids.
I never really wanted one but now I'm 42 and regret it....now I can't have them physically (health issues and weight loss I'm working on) or financially. I'm really sick of people saying "You can still have one!" Just annoying and somewhat rude. It just seems like everyone is having kids now especially people my age or older that I never expected to and/or said they never wanted them. I feel like I'm less of a person. Although when I watch my friend dealing with their small kids at a restaurant....how they don't listen....cry....and friends seems so stressed, then I'm kind of glad I don't have them. Feel conflicted.
Well I certainly don't look down on you. The people I do look down on, are those who have children, but who are not willing (or able) to do (and pay for) everything their children need.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,200 posts, read 11,715,277 times
Reputation: 15209
Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo775 View Post
I feel like people look down on me or just can't relate to me or others who don't have kids.
I never really wanted one but now I'm 42 and regret it....now I can't have them physically (health issues and weight loss I'm working on) or financially. I'm really sick of people saying "You can still have one!" Just annoying and somewhat rude. It just seems like everyone is having kids now especially people my age or older that I never expected to and/or said they never wanted them. I feel like I'm less of a person. Although when I watch my friend dealing with their small kids at a restaurant....how they don't listen....cry....and friends seems so stressed, then I'm kind of glad I don't have them. Feel conflicted.
I agree. I don't feel like I'll ever have kids, and I'm mostly ok with that. I mean, I'm sure I am missing out on a lot by not having any, but if it wasn't meant to be, then it just wasn't meant to be. I don't want kids that badly and never really spend any time wishing that I had them, but I do think it would be easier to fit in with parents if I did have them. And of course as an adult, pretty much everyone you come into contact with is going to be a parent, so it can feel isolating if you're childless and/or don't particularly have any interest in children. But it's not "shameful" not to have children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 12:47 PM
 
778 posts, read 208,869 times
Reputation: 365
No.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 02:34 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,973 posts, read 1,757,076 times
Reputation: 13702
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
I never thought of not wanting kids as shameful. We have some Indian friends that told us that they are looked down on if they don't reproduce two years after marriage. Yikes, that seems extreme to me. Some of us are just not wired to want to reproduce. What's shameful is not being respected for not being born with baby fever. I like my choice because I have a lot of shorties in my life. They come and bring endless hours of amusement, then they go home to parents that have to deal with the day to day grind. I get all the fun
Couldn't rep you again & wanted to say that you are a great example of person who is childfree by choice, who respects other people & their right to choose.

You don't come off as a victim. Your confident in yourself & your choice & your not anti-child nor anti-parent. Thanks for your input!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 03:09 PM
 
12,397 posts, read 9,170,391 times
Reputation: 8853
Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo775 View Post
I can't afford to adopt or a surrogate.
save up the money....if you can't even do that then you would not be able to afford kids, making the entire discussion moot.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Marin County, CA
681 posts, read 344,516 times
Reputation: 720
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy328 View Post
At my age (44) it's more a case of you're not trying hard enough to have them. That's the real shame. Financially, I can't afford them either but I'm not sure if the average person can, especially in this economy.
Let's move to the most affordable location in the nation, and have kids together. Combined incomes, combined posting-on-city-data-forums power, it will be fun!

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 05:41 PM
 
12,593 posts, read 14,578,350 times
Reputation: 14061
It's shameful to have kids you know you don't want. If you make a decision not to have kids, there's nothing wrong with that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2017, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Washington state
4,644 posts, read 2,281,117 times
Reputation: 13532
It's not about you anyway when you have kids. No one should have kids to pass their genes on to, or have someone to take care of them in old age, or to fulfill themselves. The only reason anyone should have a kid is to make that child happy he was born (and that does not mean spoiling him rotten).

I can't believe in 2017 people think it's hard to be child free. If you think people look down on you now, you should have tried telling them during the 70s and 80s that you didn't want kids, especially if you said you didn't want them because you didn't like them. If the 'poor you' solicitations didn't make you feel like an outcast, the verbal abuse was enough to make you run for the hills. At least today, people talk about not wanting or not having kids and no one (except a few old biddies) calls you abnormal anymore.

OP, I think this is something that has a lot less to do with having kids than it has to do with you accepting you may not give birth. And it's trite but true: no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. If you feel inferior because you don't have or can't have a child, that's a problem you need to take care of, because I have a sneaking suspicion that having a child isn't going to cure that. And you might also want to remember that the mothers who do try to make you feel inferior are usually the ones who are so miserable having their own kids that they want everyone to be as miserable as they are. Women who are truly happy to be mothers don't feel the need to put any non-mothers down or make anyone else feel inferior just because that someone else didn't give birth or isn't raising a child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top