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This is incorrect and ignores the role of wives in cheating husbands. While the cheating is always wrong, so is the punitive, cold, sex-withholding, behavior where the wife fails to live up to her side of the bargain in being a romantic partner. It takes two to tango. And it takes two to create infidelity. What does a woman who starves her husband think he's going to do? Remain celibate or jerk off for the rest of his life?
In addition, ALL children of divorce are scathed. It damages kids in ways you can't even see, and even if they are not visibly going crazy, there is an horrific toll and incalculable damage. Always.
And yes, women or men who have unfaithful partners should keep it together and act like friends and keep the household intact until the kids are independent. That is the implied vow they took when they created life.
Your happiness and fulfillment is IRRELEVANT once you create life. You have to see that through, even if it means not being happy. That is the primary role of a parent - to protect his/her kids. That comes first and foremost and before parental happiness.
Divorce, and the CHOICES that lead up to it, represent a default on parental responsibility and a confession of weak character.
And that is why we have a 50% divorce rate. The unseen damage to a kid's personality take the form of inability to bond properly to friends and romantic partners later in life, and causes divorces through the generations.
Wow. So, it's always the wife's fault when marriages fall apart? I am thankful you sell real estate instead of presiding over a divorce court.
And I call BS on your entire premise. Are you saying that IF you were married, and IF you had children, and IF your wife had an affair, you would stay with her for the sake of the kids? I don't believe you.
Children can handle divorce if their parents handle it with their best interests in mind. And, I know many who have done just that.
This is incorrect and ignores the role of wives in cheating husbands. While the cheating is always wrong, so is the punitive, cold, sex-withholding, behavior where the wife fails to live up to her side of the bargain in being a romantic partner. It takes two to tango. And it takes two to create infidelity. What does a woman who starves her husband think he's going to do? Remain celibate or jerk off for the rest of his life?
What about the role of the husband expecting the wife to take care of kids and house chores and the husband, and possibly on top of it all work, while facing comments such as "what did you do all day" from said husband? This blame train can go back and forth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
In addition, ALL children of divorce are scathed. It damages kids in ways you can't even see, and even if they are not visibly going crazy, there is an horrific toll and incalculable damage. Always.
This can't be right. Surely in at least some cases the kids are better off when both parents are happily divorced and not miserably cohabiting together.
What about the role of the husband expecting the wife to take care of kids and house chores and the husband, and possibly on top of it all work, while facing comments such as "what did you do all day" from said husband? This blame train can go back and forth.
This can't be right. Surely in at least some cases the kids are better off when both parents are happily divorced and not miserably cohabiting together.
I didn't unblame men. It's absolutely 50-50. Both parties are to blame when divorce occurs. A husband who says what you quoted is the same as a wife who is cold and ignores her husband. In both cases the person is betraying his or her vows and setting up the family for destruction and dissolution.
And the kids are better off when the parents are no longer lovers but CHOOSE their kids over themselves and stick it out by acting friendly. ANYONE CAN ACT FRIENDLY with anyone. It's a choice and a decision. That people scream and fight and worse is a confession of depraved character when the welfare of their kids hangs in the balance. We are usually talking 10 years or so at worst, because most people, even if they are idiots, can keep it together without hating each other for 7 or 8 years. You stay together until the kids are 18 and then you dump each other and resume concentrating on your own individual happiness. Until then, suffer, smile, be nice, role model focus and discipline for the kids, be civil, and whatever you are feeling inside? Suppress it, shut it down, and distract yourself when you need to. Without drinking. Without drugs. Without smoking.
It is too much to ask someone who creates human life to be strong for a few years and deny themselves in order to give their kids the start they contracted to give them by creating them?
I feel like people look down on me or just can't relate to me or others who don't have kids.
I never really wanted one but now I'm 42 and regret it....now I can't have them physically (health issues and weight loss I'm working on) or financially. I'm really sick of people saying "You can still have one!" Just annoying and somewhat rude. It just seems like everyone is having kids now especially people my age or older that I never expected to and/or said they never wanted them. I feel like I'm less of a person. Although when I watch my friend dealing with their small kids at a restaurant....how they don't listen....cry....and friends seems so stressed, then I'm kind of glad I don't have them. Feel conflicted.
Do you regret it because you feel less of a person or because you really wanted one all along and were in denial?
It's hard being childless because childless people don't stand out, you don't know who they are, where they are, or where they go.
We chose not to have kids and while some of the replicators tried to empathize, generally it created awkwardness when they received the response of "no, we just didn't want to have kids."
Particularly with me, I have no desire to be a parent.
So, if you are regretting it because you don't get to play any reindeer games with the families and they always bring the kids to outings making you feel like you have the red nose. Forget it, find your own activities to enjoy and occupy your time. Because as soon as the kids get to the age where they can be trusted to be alone your friends will be making a bee line back to the childless life they once knew.
We're the same age and I've never had a child. I am happy about that. Occasionally, someone will make a snarky comment about how I am an incomplete woman because I don't have a family. But I do have a family. I've been married for over 20 years and we chose to have a furry family instead. We do a lot of work with animal rescues.
I was never obsessed with babies. I have family who are and I just don't understand it. What's so fabulous about a really short person who can't speak, cries/screams, poops it's pants, eats all the time, sleeps all the time, etc.? Yeah, no thanks!
I feel sorry for anyone who has children just because they're worried about other people's opinions. Raising even one child is probably the hardest thing you've ever done and you're more likely to succeed at it if you really want children. I can kind of understand having a child because you love your spouse, who really wants a child, however.
I still don't understand what you are "conflicted" about. You didn't want them. Now you can't physically have them. You can't afford to adopt or use a surrogate. You aren't having kids. Probably better to work on mentally accepting that fact than to wonder if you want them or not. It doesn't matter if you want them anymore. That sounds cold. I don't mean it to. I just don't see what's to be conflicted about. Nothing is going to change, sounds like.
There's nothing like the word can't to make you want...
We didn't want kids, and turns out, wouldn't have happened anyway...and yes, I felt a little twinge of regret. When it was my decision I was fine with it, it when choice had been taken away I did think about what I had lost. It's human nature. We're goofy.
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