Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Finishing a degree would be a welcome start. We expected graduation to happen last December. Then we got the surprise that she needs "a couple more classes". Now spring semester is finished and it's "one more class". We told her no more money for tuition, she will have to pay for any more classes that she needs. Rent checks are stopping after this month.
Now it comes out she quit her job. So she's not working or going to school. "Moving on" beyond doing nothing would be a good start.
You might consider loaning her the money for that last class and letting her stay with you till she finishes. I hate to see someone be just one class shy of a degree! JMO, not trying to tell you what to do.
Finishing a degree would be a welcome start. We expected graduation to happen last December. Then we got the surprise that she needs "a couple more classes". Now spring semester is finished and it's "one more class". We told her no more money for tuition, she will have to pay for any more classes that she needs. Rent checks are stopping after this month.
Now it comes out she quit her job. So she's not working or going to school. "Moving on" beyond doing nothing would be a good start.
Gotcha, I was confused when you said she was getting very good grades at school.
I have mixed feelings, like Katarina I would hate to see my investment wasted over one more class. However, I do know a couple of kids who just dragged out their college years far too long. Fortunately, none of them were mine.
Well, I want her to get the degree. It's been six years, of which she spent a year and a half living at her father's place doing nothing (I'm her stepdad), and 9 semesters at University. We live in a different state than her and I doubt she would want to move here.
She's had ample opportunity to finish her degree. She went in with, I believe 15 or 18 credits that she got during high school, plus the nine semesters. She only took two courses during this last semester, somehow "forgetting" about one class she needed (and yes, it was offered). I'm beyond myself at this point. My wife wants me to have a talk with her. I've generally been the "good cop", but this isn't a situation where that approach would do any good.
We're not estranged or anything close to that. We see her a few times a year. She is just extremely lazy... and in my option is just manipulating us. We don't know how much money she gets from her father, which doesn't help the situation.
As a means of motivation, I've considered telling her she will need to pay the college costs back to us if she doesn't get a degree. I haven't discussed this with my wife yet, and I'm not sure it's a good idea. I just want her to finish it now. I'll have to find out how long until her earliest credits lapse. I'm assuming it's probably 10 years, but I honestly don't know.
I currently am primary source for my youngest adult son. His medical condition requires stable home environment vs being locked up in a long term health facility.
It's my choice to be there..It's what a parent does.
So while some young adults are blessed with certain self sustaining abilities..Some are not .
The blanket statement so often said here does not qualify for some parents .. some of us understand the reality of health and provision.
I currently am primary source for my youngest adult son. His medical condition requires stable home environment vs being locked up in a long term health facility.
It's my choice to be there..It's what a parent does.
So while some young adults are blessed with certain self sustaining abilities..Some are not .
The blanket statement so often said here does not qualify for some parents .. some of us understand the reality of health and provision.
I think a number of us said we weren't talking about adult "kids" with special needs.
I currently am primary source for my youngest adult son. His medical condition requires stable home environment vs being locked up in a long term health facility.
It's my choice to be there..It's what a parent does.
So while some young adults are blessed with certain self sustaining abilities..Some are not .
The blanket statement so often said here does not qualify for some parents .. some of us understand the reality of health and provision.
I think any of the posters here who have weighed in would have no problem supporting children with medical conditions, but that wasn't the topic and hasn't been addressed prior to your post.
If you felt criticized I'm not sure where that's coming from, but I doubt anyone is addressing situations like yours.
I think any of the posters here who have weighed in would have no problem supporting children with medical conditions, but that wasn't the topic and hasn't been addressed prior to your post.
If you felt criticized I'm not sure where that's coming from, but I doubt anyone is addressing situations like yours.
Thank you for clarifying the perspective.
The original poster stated "Parents, what is your expectation for how long and how much you should support your children financially? I'm asking because I'm curious... no judgment. "
The post doesn't show an exclusion such as ( except for those who have adult children with health problems) ..So I replied accordingly.
Yup, we are at the point with one right now. The kid is no Rhodes Scholar or anything like that, but plenty capable and getting very good grades at state university. Kid is just refusing to "move on", so the conductor of the gravy train is going to be hitting the brakes pretty hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD
I think there is a spectrum of this.
If you have a bright but totally unmotivated child, at some point, you have to chop off the parental welfare and force them to stand on their own two feet.
If you're affluent and have a child who lacks the capability to ever handle more than a low wage service sector job, you're going to want to do what you can to keep them out of a poverty level existence.
So my question is just what does hitting the brakes look like or chopping off the parental welfare? Be specific please.
The original poster stated "Parents, what is your expectation for how long and how much you should support your children financially? I'm asking because I'm curious... no judgment. "
The post doesn't show an exclusion such as ( except for those who have adult children with health problems) ..So I replied accordingly.
You're only quoting a part of the post, though, and it's easy to take it out of context by doing that.
Here's the entire post:
Quote:
Parents, what is your expectation for how long and how much you should support your children financially? I'm asking because I'm curious... no judgment.
I didn't grow up in a household where it would be assumed I'd continue getting money from my parents (aside from occasional gifts, like birthdays) after I left college and got a job. But I've been meeting more people recently who are in their late 20's and even mid-30's who still get a monthly "allowance" (for lack of a better term) from their parents, ranging from $500 to a few thousand. I also have some friends whose parents are well off but it would never occur to them to keep this arrangement... It seems about as natural to the ones that have this arrangement as it's foreign for the ones that don't! So I guess I'm wondering, is this common at a certain income level? Or culture? Or generation? What's your policy?
Bolding mine. I think people assumed if someone got through college and got a job that they were most likely in a position to support themselves. There's no caveat stating otherwise.
The premise of the entire post is that people who are able to support themselves are still receiving help from parents.
My mother is still being financially supported by her mother in her late 50s. It is a combination my mother's unwillingness to live within her means and my grandmother's indulgence. All three of us siblings are battering down the hatches for when my grandmother dies because we have all agreed that we are not bankrolling her life the way our grandmother did. She won't be homeless, but she is going to have to face some difficult realities. We are not paying for her to drive better cars than we have or have a bigger house than we do. She can forget that right now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
