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Hi there everybody. Can use some advice about my one son. He is 8 years old and was formally diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago. Usually he's very interactive and happy, but lately, he's been really seeming to withdraw from things a lot, and it's kind of worrying me. He was fine up until after Christmas, but it seems like he has no interest in doing anything anymore. He likes to play on the computer and on his DS but that's about it. Every time I try to do something with him, or go out with him or whatnot, he has no interest and complains about it the whole time. He always says he wants to go home. The weird thing is, things he used to enjoy, he really doesn't anymore. We planned on meeting my parents who live an hour and a half away from where we live, and usually my son would have been all for it, but he actually started crying and saying how he didn't want to go. I've tried to talk to him, but he doesn't say much. I'll ask him why he's feeling this way and he'll usually say he doesn't know. I can't get much else out of him no matter how I ask :-/. Today was his birthday.. He seemed fine when he got home from school, but my parents wanted to call him to wish him a Happy Birthday, and he started crying, saying he didn't want to. I didn't make him because he seemed very upset. So we went out to dinner at a place he chose, and he seemed a little more into that, but still not much. Then he was so excited to pick out his birthday cake, so after dinner we went to do that, and he seemed fine. We got home and I gave him his presents, and he quickly opened them, put them down and went to his computer. When it came time to do his cake, he had no interest whatsoever. He didn't want to sing, didn't want to even eat it. He said he wanted to go to bed, and right after got into bed and fell right asleep.
To be honest, I'm kind of worried about this and wondering what I should do. Considering he has been officially diagnosed, he does have a doctor that he sees for that so I can always make an appointment. I moved last month so I don't know if that has something to do with it. He also doesn't have any interest in staying with me. He always says how he wants to stay at his dads or something to that degree. It hurts, but I try to let it go. Nothing else besides the move has changed. On our way back from dinner and picking up his cake, he out of the blue said "mom I love you". I was almost in tears. I told him that was very sweet and that I love him very much!. But then right back to withdrawing afterwards. Idk..
Any advice you could give me would greatly help. Just at a loss of what to think
Many conditions are mis-diagnosed as ADHD. From autism, to attachment disorders. From Anxiety to depression. And for actual ADHD diagnosis, there are many (like 80%) who develop other mental health conditions.
Don't think a dx of ADHD gives you breathing room. Advocate for your child.
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause in teens. Confront the issues head on.
Is he at a new school? Is he being bullied? Does he have friends at the new school? How stable is his home life with you? Why does he want to stay at his Dads instead of with you?
I would certainly take him to see his doctor immediately. Hard to answer anything else without knowing more information. Good luck.
You guys divorcing + moving are two really big losses for this boy. That might be especially true if the move was to a different school (let alone a different home or neighborhood) and his meet-ups with Dad are rare. So maybe those looses are just now hitting him for some reason and he is sad, perhaps even clinically depressed.
So yes, make an appointment with the therapist, counselor, or doctor you have, who hopefully, will suggest some way to help the boy cope- And because you mentioned ADHD, is he on some type of medication? That also might be contributing to how the boy is feeling, So I'd ask about that too. Sometimes ADHD meds can have the side effects of sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and mood disorders (depression).
Good luck.
Edit: where did I think I saw that you were divorced? My bad. But it does raise the question of where is the father. Is he in the picture at all, and if so how?
Last edited by citylove101; 02-16-2017 at 07:37 PM..
Many conditions are mis-diagnosed as ADHD. From autism, to attachment disorders. From Anxiety to depression. And for actual ADHD diagnosis, there are many (like 80%) who develop other mental health conditions.
Don't think a dx of ADHD gives you breathing room. Advocate for your child.
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause in teens. Confront the issues head on.
Thank you very much!. Honestly, I don't know what it is, but since he was very young, I've always thought it was more than ADHD. Call it motherly instinct, but I've never thought it was only ADHD. I really appreciate your response. There are kids all over this world, as young or only a little bit older thinking they have no other way out than suicide, and I can tell you right now, I wouldn't be able to handle losing my son. Not only that, but I wouldn't even let it get to that point because whether or not I can handle losing my son, I'm not going to put him in a position of suffering and feeling like he has no other way out.
Quote:
Is he at a new school? Is he being bullied? Does he have friends at the new school? How stable is his home life with you? Why does he want to stay at his Dads instead of with you?
I would certainly take him to see his doctor immediately. Hard to answer anything else without knowing more information. Good luck.
He is actually not at a new school. Both me and his father have 50/50 custody, but both of my boys have been in their school for the last couple years, and both me and their father agreed to keep them in that same school district, so their father has primary residency of them. I don't know if he's being bullied. Unfortunately any time I try to talk to him, he doesn't say much :/. I would hope he isn't though. He does have friend at his school, and in terms of his stability, I believe it is very stable, besides the fact of the moving. The recent move came very shortly after another move. I bought a mobile home last May, but after finding out it was illegally sold to me, I had to give it up and move to where I currently live. I do plan on staying here for a while, so no more moves in the near future. And in terms of wanting to stay with his dad, I'm not really sure. I'm not really offended by it because I was the same way with my parents growing up. I was closer to my dad and my brother was always closer to my mom. Maybe he just feels closer to his dad. I don't yell at my kids, have never hit them or spanked them, and am always doing activities with them and trying to take them to fun places when I can, so other than him maybe feeling closer to his dad, I'm not really sure what the reason could be. I do know my older son doesn't do that, but they are two different people, so I'm really not sure. Their father still live in the same house that we lived in when we were together, so maybe the move does have something to do with it.
Quote:
You guys divorcing + moving are two really big losses for this boy. That might be especially true if the move was to a different school (let alone a different home or neighborhood) and his meet-ups with Dad are rare. So maybe those looses are just now hitting him for some reason and he is sad, perhaps even clinically depressed.
So yes, make an appointment with the therapist, counselor, or doctor you have, who hopefully, will suggest some way to help the boy cope- And because you mentioned ADHD, is he on some type of medication? That also might be contributing to how the boy is feeling, So I'd ask about that too. Sometimes ADHD meds can have the side effects of sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and mood disorders (depression).
Good luck.
Edit: where did I think I saw that you were divorced? My bad. But it does raise the question of where is the father. Is he in the picture at all, and if so how?
I completely agree. Me and their father divorced a few years ago, but maybe he's just not handling it well as he gets older. He was only 1 when we separated :/. I didn't want to put my kids through that, but me and their father were arguing daily and unfortunately it came between having my boys raised by parents that were friendly with each other, or living with parents that argued all the time and weren't happy. I NEVER wanted to put my kids through growing up with divorced parents, as I had to, but I had to make a choice and hope it was the best one. I did mention the school thing above, but in case you didn't see it, he and his brother are not in different schools thankfully, and his dad actually has about the same time as I do. We divide the week up evenly actually. He has them 3.5 days and I have them 3.5 days (we split Saturdays). Thankfully their father and I have remained very friendly with each other. We are great friends, just not relationship compatible anymore. We help each other out when we can, and the boys definitely see that. So it isn't a messy divorce at all. Both of our families thought we wouldn't be able to do it but they are actually and have said how shocked and proud they are that we are doing this. At one time, their father was the love of my life, and before anything else, I am a mother, and my kids come first, so being friendly with their father is not only a good thing for them, but it's a good thing for us as well. We are even actually attempting to plan a trip to Florida together at some point (all 4 of us), so there is definitely no resentment or fighting going on there. Although having divorced parents is stressful whether you're friendly or not, so not saying that couldn't be a stressor by any means.
So in general, I actually just got home from meeting with his doctor. They scheduled him for an earlier appointment than the one he already had and we're going to see what's going on with him, so I'm very happy with that outcome. As of right now, it's only an earlier appointment, so we're only going to see what's going on with him essentially, but me and the doctor talked about what our possible options could be. Thankfully it's only a couple weeks away, so that's a very good thing!. I know this morning when I woke him up, he was in a great mood, so hopefully it stays that way . Thank you very much for your responses!. I really appreciate your input and advice.
Hi there everybody. Can use some advice about my one son. He is 8 years old and was formally diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago. Usually he's very interactive and happy, but lately, he's been really seeming to withdraw from things a lot, and it's kind of worrying me. He was fine up until after Christmas, but it seems like he has no interest in doing anything anymore. He likes to play on the computer and on his DS but that's about it. Every time I try to do something with him, or go out with him or whatnot, he has no interest and complains about it the whole time. He always says he wants to go home. The weird thing is, things he used to enjoy, he really doesn't anymore. We planned on meeting my parents who live an hour and a half away from where we live, and usually my son would have been all for it, but he actually started crying and saying how he didn't want to go. I've tried to talk to him, but he doesn't say much. I'll ask him why he's feeling this way and he'll usually say he doesn't know. I can't get much else out of him no matter how I ask :-/. Today was his birthday.. He seemed fine when he got home from school, but my parents wanted to call him to wish him a Happy Birthday, and he started crying, saying he didn't want to. I didn't make him because he seemed very upset. So we went out to dinner at a place he chose, and he seemed a little more into that, but still not much. Then he was so excited to pick out his birthday cake, so after dinner we went to do that, and he seemed fine. We got home and I gave him his presents, and he quickly opened them, put them down and went to his computer. When it came time to do his cake, he had no interest whatsoever. He didn't want to sing, didn't want to even eat it. He said he wanted to go to bed, and right after got into bed and fell right asleep.
To be honest, I'm kind of worried about this and wondering what I should do. Considering he has been officially diagnosed, he does have a doctor that he sees for that so I can always make an appointment. I moved last month so I don't know if that has something to do with it. He also doesn't have any interest in staying with me. He always says how he wants to stay at his dads or something to that degree. It hurts, but I try to let it go. Nothing else besides the move has changed. On our way back from dinner and picking up his cake, he out of the blue said "mom I love you". I was almost in tears. I told him that was very sweet and that I love him very much!. But then right back to withdrawing afterwards. Idk..
Any advice you could give me would greatly help. Just at a loss of what to think
He needs to a see a child psychologist. I know when a kids receives a diagnosis it is sort of always at the front of your mind. But this sounds like a deeply depressed child which may or may not have anything to do with his ADHD.
He needs to go into counseling. Nothing anyone on this forum should sway you from that.
I am a teacher and a court mandated reporter who has received crisis training. What you have posted, if I witnessed it, would trigger an immediate evaluation. PLEASE TAKE HIM TO A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST IMMEDIATELY.
...I moved last month so I don't know if that has something to do with it. He also doesn't have any interest in staying with me. He always says how he wants to stay at his dads or something to that degree. It hurts, but I try to let it go. Nothing else besides the move has changed. On our way back from dinner and picking up his cake, he out of the blue said "mom I love you". I was almost in tears. I told him that was very sweet and that I love him very much!. But then right back to withdrawing afterwards. Idk..
Any advice you could give me would greatly help. Just at a loss of what to think
I would wonder about the move affecting him. We moved when I was about eight.
The loss of my childhood friends and familiar neighborhood were crushing to me, even though I remained in the same school. My parents remained married, but after our move the already noticeable distance between them became a chasm.
There were no computers back then, but I retreated into reading alone in my room as much as possible. It caused a major negative turn in my life, the effects of which were permanent. In addition to the advice you have already gotten, I would try to gently pursue his feelings about your move and how it affects him.
Many conditions are mis-diagnosed as ADHD. From autism, to attachment disorders. From Anxiety to depression. And for actual ADHD diagnosis, there are many (like 80%) who develop other mental health conditions.
Don't think a dx of ADHD gives you breathing room. Advocate for your child.
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause in teens. Confront the issues head on.
My thoughts exactly. OP, I'd get a referral to a behavioral psychologist to get him evaluated. What does his teacher say? How is he interacting with kids at school?
Edit: Just saw you have an appointment. Good job! Best wishes to you and your son.
Many conditions are mis-diagnosed as ADHD. From autism, to attachment disorders. From Anxiety to depression. And for actual ADHD diagnosis, there are many (like 80%) who develop other mental health conditions.
Don't think a dx of ADHD gives you breathing room. Advocate for your child.
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause in teens. Confront the issues head on.
Unfortunately, that is an old statistic.
Suicide is now the #2 leading cause of death from age 10 - 54.
Two things.
1) Get counseling for your son, pronto. The comments you made concern me. It's better to be safe than sorry.
2) This is touchy and I don't want to accuse but did this behavior begin after a visit with your parents? Re-read what you wrote looking for the pattern. Ask yourself if there are other indicators of an issue. He could have misunderstood something. He could have overheard something that isn't appropriate for an 8-year-old to hear. It could be something else. Give it some thought.
Suicide is now the #2 leading cause of death from age 10 - 54.
Two things.
1) Get counseling for your son, pronto. The comments you made concern me. It's better to be safe than sorry.
2) This is touchy and I don't want to accuse but did this behavior begin after a visit with your parents? Re-read what you wrote looking for the pattern. Ask yourself if there are other indicators of an issue. He could have misunderstood something. He could have overheard something that isn't appropriate for an 8-year-old to hear. It could be something else. Give it some thought.
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. Thank you very much for your responses!. I really appreciate your input and advice.
