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Old 03-04-2017, 11:41 AM
 
Location: South Minneapolis
4,203 posts, read 4,502,720 times
Reputation: 5831

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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Interesting...I had not thought of that. Makes more sense then someone doing it for fun...because it doesn't seem fun, especially if you don't come back to stir the pot.
And the original post in this thread is their only post ever.
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Old 03-04-2017, 12:03 PM
 
126 posts, read 136,995 times
Reputation: 197
I'm confused by a few things in this thread. First of all, what is the correlation between sex and respect? Why is having sex in one's parents' home disrespectful? Sex is a normal, necessary, healthy biological function. Why would I not want my child doing it?

I also don't understand what paying rent has to do with anything. Why do parents feel that they must exert so much control over their children? Let your children exhibit normal human behavior without scrutiny. And there's really no need to speculate about whether the relationship will last, whether the man is the right one for her, whatever else...she's dating a guy, and when people date, they have sex. That's what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. It's healthy, and I would always encourage my children to have healthy relationships.

If my 11-year-old saw her sister cuddling with her boyfriend on the couch, I'd be happy that the younger child was seeing a model of an affectionate relationship. Physical affection, both romantic and sexual, is very important to most people in a relationship, and I want my kids to feel cared for and loved.

The obsession with making "house rules" is all about control, and it's completely unnecessary. I think OP needs to examine why she feels so uncomfortable with sex, and she needs to work through those issues on her own without imposing them on her daughter.

Last edited by ItalianIce; 03-04-2017 at 01:19 PM..
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:17 PM
 
11,511 posts, read 18,469,376 times
Reputation: 11753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereitwent View Post
If they are fully fledged adults, their future is their responsibility. Mature adults don't blame their parents for "ruining their future" by not letting them have sex parties in the house when they are in college.
Well I don't think any of that is happening with the OPs daughter. For starters, being intimate with a boyfriend is not the same thing as having a sex party.

Secondly, it is my opinion (not the daughter's) that pushing a successful student out so that she has to support herself and continue her education is ruining her future.

If you want to debate these points with me I will debate the but the daughter is not having sex parties and is not complaining about her mother ruining her future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereitwent View Post
IKids who truly want to be successful won't let being locked out of the parental household "ruin their future". At age 20-21 your responsibility for their future is a horse that has long since bolted from the stable.

As far as I am concerned, if adult kids want to profess their adulthood and ability to do anything once they are of legal age without any consequences, they will get the whole package. They must move out, pay their rent, pay their water bill, pay the gas bill, pay the food bill, pay car insurance, pay all of their taxes, pay their car payment, pay for any medical bills, and so on and so forth. Yes, being an adult is more than just partying, drinking, and having sex, doesn't living at home sound much better?[/quote]

A child who is hanging around the house with her boyfriend isn't exactly drinking and partying. Having sex is a normal thing for adults to do. I don't see why people are so upset that their adult children want to have sex.
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:19 PM
 
11,511 posts, read 18,469,376 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shopalcholic View Post
It's called respect something that is lacking today .
How does having sex equal disrespect?
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:22 PM
 
11,511 posts, read 18,469,376 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereitwent View Post
Lovely.

The daughter can't have her cake and eat it too. If she wants to no longer follow mom's rules, she has to get her own place. There is NO alternative to moving out if she wants to do as she pleases.

The parents don't want her to move out. They want her to do what they say because they feel they should have complete control over her. She is old enough that if the parents want her to stay they need to figure out house rules that work for everyone. The OP expressed a desire to have to daughter stay at home.
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
14,090 posts, read 13,095,018 times
Reputation: 30801
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItalianIce View Post
I'm confused by a few things in this thread. First of all, what is the correlation between sex and respect? Why is having sex in one's parents' home disrespectful? Sex is a normal, necessary, healthy biological function. Why would I not want my child doing it?
.
I am curious about how old your children are right now? While it sounds very enlightened to look at your five or six year old child and want your children to enjoy sex when they are older, but what if your child is 13 or 14? Would you still want them to be enjoying this "healthy biological function" at that age? What if they are 11 or 12 years old? I am told that is the age for starting sex for some children. Now, I certainly was not mature enough to have sex when I was 11 or 12 and I do not think that my children were mature enough to understand and appreciate sex at that age.

Now, if you are just talking about 20 year olds, then I agree, yes, it is a normal function for most 20 year olds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ItalianIce View Post
(snip)

The obsession with making "house rules" is all about control, and it's completely unnecessary. I think OP needs to examine why she feels so uncomfortable with sex, and she needs to work through those issues on her own without imposing them on her daughter.
Again, I am curious how old your children are right now? And, how successful it is for your and your partner to raise them without any "house rules"?
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:33 PM
 
11,511 posts, read 18,469,376 times
Reputation: 11753
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Again, I am curious how old your children are right now? And, how successful it is for your and your partner to raise them without any "house rules"?
Don't confuse logical house rules with no house rules.
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,787 posts, read 2,209,144 times
Reputation: 7595
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
The parents don't want her to move out. They want her to do what they say because they feel they should have complete control over her. She is old enough that if the parents want her to stay they need to figure out house rules that work for everyone. The OP expressed a desire to have to daughter stay at home.
The OP wants the daughter to finish her education. The OP also is very controlling. Not a good combination.
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
14,090 posts, read 13,095,018 times
Reputation: 30801
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Don't confuse logical house rules with no house rules.
good point.
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Old 03-04-2017, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
32,867 posts, read 31,355,098 times
Reputation: 59265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
How does having sex equal disrespect?
I think some people are saying that it's disrespectful to do something your parents have asked you not to do.

Others are questioning whether the mom does have a right to ask her daughter not to have sex in the home.

When you Google this topic, there is such a range of opinions, from those who would never dream of doing it in their parents' house to those who are turned on by the "naughty" factor.

This issue is complicated by the fact that the mother in the OP appears to still see her daughter as a child and not as a young woman.
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