Rules for adult children living at home regarding boyfriends/girlfriends (daughters, 11 year old)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Interesting...I had not thought of that. Makes more sense then someone doing it for fun...because it doesn't seem fun, especially if you don't come back to stir the pot.
And the original post in this thread is their only post ever.
I'm confused by a few things in this thread. First of all, what is the correlation between sex and respect? Why is having sex in one's parents' home disrespectful? Sex is a normal, necessary, healthy biological function. Why would I not want my child doing it?
I also don't understand what paying rent has to do with anything. Why do parents feel that they must exert so much control over their children? Let your children exhibit normal human behavior without scrutiny. And there's really no need to speculate about whether the relationship will last, whether the man is the right one for her, whatever else...she's dating a guy, and when people date, they have sex. That's what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. It's healthy, and I would always encourage my children to have healthy relationships.
If my 11-year-old saw her sister cuddling with her boyfriend on the couch, I'd be happy that the younger child was seeing a model of an affectionate relationship. Physical affection, both romantic and sexual, is very important to most people in a relationship, and I want my kids to feel cared for and loved.
The obsession with making "house rules" is all about control, and it's completely unnecessary. I think OP needs to examine why she feels so uncomfortable with sex, and she needs to work through those issues on her own without imposing them on her daughter.
Last edited by ItalianIce; 03-04-2017 at 12:19 PM..
If they are fully fledged adults, their future is their responsibility. Mature adults don't blame their parents for "ruining their future" by not letting them have sex parties in the house when they are in college.
Well I don't think any of that is happening with the OPs daughter. For starters, being intimate with a boyfriend is not the same thing as having a sex party.
Secondly, it is my opinion (not the daughter's) that pushing a successful student out so that she has to support herself and continue her education is ruining her future.
If you want to debate these points with me I will debate the but the daughter is not having sex parties and is not complaining about her mother ruining her future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereitwent
IKids who truly want to be successful won't let being locked out of the parental household "ruin their future". At age 20-21 your responsibility for their future is a horse that has long since bolted from the stable.
As far as I am concerned, if adult kids want to profess their adulthood and ability to do anything once they are of legal age without any consequences, they will get the whole package. They must move out, pay their rent, pay their water bill, pay the gas bill, pay the food bill, pay car insurance, pay all of their taxes, pay their car payment, pay for any medical bills, and so on and so forth. Yes, being an adult is more than just partying, drinking, and having sex, doesn't living at home sound much better?[/quote]
A child who is hanging around the house with her boyfriend isn't exactly drinking and partying. Having sex is a normal thing for adults to do. I don't see why people are so upset that their adult children want to have sex.
The daughter can't have her cake and eat it too. If she wants to no longer follow mom's rules, she has to get her own place. There is NO alternative to moving out if she wants to do as she pleases.
The parents don't want her to move out. They want her to do what they say because they feel they should have complete control over her. She is old enough that if the parents want her to stay they need to figure out house rules that work for everyone. The OP expressed a desire to have to daughter stay at home.
I'm confused by a few things in this thread. First of all, what is the correlation between sex and respect? Why is having sex in one's parents' home disrespectful? Sex is a normal, necessary, healthy biological function. Why would I not want my child doing it? .
I am curious about how old your children are right now? While it sounds very enlightened to look at your five or six year old child and want your children to enjoy sex when they are older, but what if your child is 13 or 14? Would you still want them to be enjoying this "healthy biological function" at that age? What if they are 11 or 12 years old? I am told that is the age for starting sex for some children. Now, I certainly was not mature enough to have sex when I was 11 or 12 and I do not think that my children were mature enough to understand and appreciate sex at that age.
Now, if you are just talking about 20 year olds, then I agree, yes, it is a normal function for most 20 year olds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItalianIce
(snip)
The obsession with making "house rules" is all about control, and it's completely unnecessary. I think OP needs to examine why she feels so uncomfortable with sex, and she needs to work through those issues on her own without imposing them on her daughter.
Again, I am curious how old your children are right now? And, how successful it is for your and your partner to raise them without any "house rules"?
The parents don't want her to move out. They want her to do what they say because they feel they should have complete control over her. She is old enough that if the parents want her to stay they need to figure out house rules that work for everyone. The OP expressed a desire to have to daughter stay at home.
The OP wants the daughter to finish her education. The OP also is very controlling. Not a good combination.
I think some people are saying that it's disrespectful to do something your parents have asked you not to do.
Others are questioning whether the mom does have a right to ask her daughter not to have sex in the home.
When you Google this topic, there is such a range of opinions, from those who would never dream of doing it in their parents' house to those who are turned on by the "naughty" factor.
This issue is complicated by the fact that the mother in the OP appears to still see her daughter as a child and not as a young woman.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The OP also is very controlling.
Not a good combination.
