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Get back to us when he turns 18. That's awfully young, IMO!)
I will! Honestly once he's 16 I'd be surprised if he wasn't experimenting. My parents were very liberal and open about it and I see no reason to make it some forbidden thing. Oddly enough because they were so open and provided access to birth control and condoms I was the last of my friends to go there and that was well after I moved out.
I'm not going to encourage my son to do it but I also think it's best to be realistic and provide safe ways to prevent stds and pregnancy.
OP, you need to let go. She's not a little girl. I do think the 11 year old should be shielded a bit, but you are being overly strict with the 20 year old. I don't blame her for spending less time at home and more time at his place.
The poster probably meant "In my home", in which case it is very easy to enforce if they don't want the child to do these things in the parental household: Serve your adult child with an eviction notice, then pile their stuff on the front lawn in accordance with local law.
Obviously, the poster can't prevent the adult child from doing these things before marriage...except in THEIR HOUSE. If the adult child has the mindset that, now that they are 18+, they can do whatever they like, they are perfectly welcome do so, anywhere but mom and dad's house.
Parents can kick their adult children to the curb for any or no reason, there is no obligation for justification to be explained.
As for the daughter being thrown out then proceeding to drop out of college, work a minimum wage job, or have unintended children, all of these things would be the daughter's responsibility. Adults don't use mom and dad as a scapegoat for their own personal mistakes.
Actually the two of them hijacked today's appointment for my husband and I. He told me when I was walking out to go.... I don't know if that is good or bad. I need to talk to the therapist. But after step-daughter hung up on the therapist and told her she didn't need her, that she had plenty of people to talk to, I wanted her to apologize to the therapist. So I am glad there is an opportunity for that.
Wow. I think I would have gone to the therapist without them. And truthfully, the kids probably don't need therapy...your husband does. It's not their fault he's a rug for them to walk on. They are only behaving the way they are allowed to.
I have two sons who are in their late 20s now and living on their own. When they were college-aged they both knew that if they needed to lay up with their SOs, then they needed to go get a hotel room.
My house, my rules. I'm not playing let's make a deal with an adult when my name is on the deed. I don't care if they are contributing or not. Which mine weren't. They definitely knew not to bring up what other parents did. I didn't give a care.
As for the daughter being thrown out then proceeding to drop out of college, work a minimum wage job, or have unintended children, all of these things would be the daughter's responsibility. Adults don't use mom and dad as a scapegoat for their own personal mistakes.
"As for the daughter being thrown out then proceeding to drop out of college, work a minimum wage job, or have unintended children, all of these things would be the daughter's responsibility. Adults don't use mom and dad as a scapegoat for their own personal mistakes."
Some do on this forum (not the people you replied to I must emphasize).
That said, young women have been known to do some really foolish things because. . . guys! I had some concerns when one of my daughters got into a very serious relationship in college. He was finishing grad school and I thought she'd want to follow him where he went, rather than going to grad school as she had planned. It turned out my concerns were unfounded in her case, but I have seen it happen more than once that a young woman drops out of school, leaves a good job, etc, etc because of a guy. There is a neighbor kid doing that right now. So I can see why this mom is concerned about all that.
***
I would like to clarify my response about the line in the OP's post "What happened to the little girl I was once so close to?!" I think the mom was expressing frustration, a word that just wouldn't come to me last night. I don't think she really wants her daughter to stay a "little girl".
I'm talking about when I was in college, over 20; and the op is talking about a 20 year old, not a teen.
I think there are two conversations going on. Photobuff inserted herself into this thread instead of starting a new one. She is the one talking about her teen stepdaughter and confusing the issue.
I think that the OP's daughter found a livable solution - hang out at his place. That way the 11 year old isn't exposed to the shenanigans. The daughter isn't actually having sex at the OP's house, right?
I have issues with huge walls of text and may have missed something.
Actually the two of them hijacked today's appointment for my husband and I. He told me when I was walking out to go.... I don't know if that is good or bad. I need to talk to the therapist. But after step-daughter hung up on the therapist and told her she didn't need her, that she had plenty of people to talk to, I wanted her to apologize to the therapist. So I am glad there is an opportunity for that.
I don't understand. Your step daughter needs counseling for what? For being gay? For having sex? I could not figure out by your post what her issue is. Maybe I missed your reasoning somewhere.
That said, young women have been known to do some really foolish things because. . . guys! I had some concerns when one of my daughters got into a very serious relationship in college. He was finishing grad school and I thought she'd want to follow him where he went, rather than going to grad school as she had planned. It turned out my concerns were unfounded in her case, but I have seen it happen more than once that a young woman drops out of school, leaves a good job, etc, etc because of a guy. There is a neighbor kid doing that right now. So I can see why this mom is concerned about all that.
And guys do the same as well
In that case, for either gender, it's a real tough situation, isn't it? You can try and persuade them not to drop everything for a silly school relationship, but your chances of convincing them are next to none.
In that case, I'd have to say...I'd let the adult child persue the relationship, without any support from parents, and be there when it all falls apart and your kid is stung the most.
Learning to not drop everything to peruse romance is a very important skill.
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