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Old 02-28-2017, 07:56 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,805 times
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My just turned 20 year old daughter is living at home while going to college and working part time and for the most part pretty responsible. A little history: She has been seeing a 22 year old guy she works with for about five months now, but my husband and I only met him two months ago. For three months they were only "casually " dating so she didn't see the need in bringing him home to meet us right away, but since then have become much more serious. During this three months she found out he actually had a long term girlfriend and he'd been lying to her about being single. Long story short he left his girlfriend and convinced my daughter into continuing the relationship with him, and she did after stewing on it for a week (I wasn't happy about that). We decided that the best we could do for my daughters safety was to try and get to know him and not be judgmental (this might push her away). So we invited this young man into our home and tried to make the best of it. He seems like a decent guy, besides the fact that he was dishonest to my daughter. He seems to really like her and she him. So now that he has been coming over a lot in my opinion hes getting a little comfortable way too fast for my liking. We said "no" to the two of them hanging out and watching tv in her room (big argument with daughter about). I know what a bad habit that can lead to. He comes over they make a bee line to the bedroom and he's practically living here, no way! So my husband and I agreed to let them watch the downstairs tv in the family room and we'd stay out of their hair. A couple of days ago he came over (seems to come over daily lately which is another issue) and I went up stairs to do laundry and when I came down (family room and kitchen are joined) they were laid out on the couch (like laying on a bed) with covers over them napping. I don't mind them cuddling or reclining, but full blown laying down with covers?! I felt this was inappropriate since I have an 11 year old at home, and I've only know this guy for two months! I might feel differently if they had been dating for quite some time and I felt like Id bonded with him and he was family. I brought it up to my daughter and she got very dramatic and said I was being absolutely ridiculous and her other friends get to hang out in their rooms with their boyfriends. What she does outside of our house is out of our control, but this is our home! She doesn't contribute a dime! So now she hasn't been coming home but sleeping over at his place. The last thing I wanted was to have her shacking up with this guy! Was I being too conservative? I'm worried about her. She says she's thinking about quitting school and getting another job so she can move out. She throwing away her future! Makes me sick! What happened to the little girl I was once so close to?! Any advice helpful.
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,156 posts, read 41,773,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cjb321 View Post
What happened to the little girl I was once so close to?! Any advice helpful.
She got older.

Is she on the Pill?

(Please say yes.)
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,859 posts, read 6,868,936 times
Reputation: 7344
I have no advice but I do know how you feel. I have a similar situation going on in my home right now. I am the stepparent, so I feel pretty powerless about what is happening and my husband pretty much lets his daughters do what they want, meaning I have had a stranger in my home every day at a minimum of four hours a day within the last week. Don't even know the kid's last name.
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:41 PM
 
13,160 posts, read 20,776,233 times
Reputation: 35407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
She got older.

Is she on the Pill?

(Please say yes.)


We have allowed our kids to share a room with their SOs since they went away to school. I understand many parents would not be comfortable with that, and it's their right. We are.
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:47 PM
 
1,168 posts, read 2,400,712 times
Reputation: 3485
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
I have no advice but I do know how you feel. I have a similar situation going on in my home right now. I am the stepparent, so I feel pretty powerless about what is happening and my husband pretty much lets his daughters do what they want, meaning I have had a stranger in my home every day at a minimum of four hours a day within the last week. Don't even know the kid's last name.



Oh no no no no no your house your rules, no way on Gods Green earth would I be held hostage in MY OWN HOME!!-
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:48 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,475 posts, read 3,312,926 times
Reputation: 13767
She's 20, not fourteen. She can spoon with a guy, for heaven's sake.

The idea of forbidding a normal adult from going into her own room with a normal visitor is nuts to me, honestly. Worst case scenario, consenting adults have sex. More likely they just talk and canoodle some, given that sneaky sex where your parents might pound on the door at any moment is not exactly fun.

Your "little girl" grew up. You need to work on your hangups if you're going to have a healthy relationship with the adult daughter you actually currently have, rather than the child you once had.
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:56 PM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,071,744 times
Reputation: 23937
Oh good lord...this site needs to set guidelines for people who write first posts...like they should be members for a month or reply to so many posts or have a rep number higher. I mean...really?
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Old 02-28-2017, 08:59 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,475 posts, read 3,312,926 times
Reputation: 13767
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Oh good lord...this site needs to set guidelines for people who write first posts...like they should be members for a month or reply to so many posts or have a rep number higher. I mean...really?
Oh. Good point
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Old 02-28-2017, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 3,980,532 times
Reputation: 13557
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
[/b]


Oh no no no no no your house your rules, no way on Gods Green earth would I be held hostage in MY OWN HOME!!-


I 100% agree! If your daughter is grown up enough to do all that then she can get a full time job and move out, but my daughter will not be doing stuff like that with her boyfriend in my house.
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Old 03-01-2017, 04:15 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,005 posts, read 17,320,800 times
Reputation: 41271
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
I have no advice but I do know how you feel. I have a similar situation going on in my home right now. I am the stepparent, so I feel pretty powerless about what is happening and my husband pretty much lets his daughters do what they want, meaning I have had a stranger in my home every day at a minimum of four hours a day within the last week. Don't even know the kid's last name.
IMHO, children, of all ages, need to introduce all of their guests (first name & last name) to their parents (the people who actually own the house & pay the bills) when they visit.

If a child is bringing home random strangers from bars or street corners where even the step-daughter does not know their name than it is time for the people paying the bills to stop doing that for their child.

I have known several situations where friends or relatives have been robbed by an "anonymous stranger" that their teenager/young 20 something has brought home. In one case, it was a hand gun that was stolen which could have resulted in some very, very serious problems for the home owner/parent. In all cases the stolen items were not recovered and the police did not really could not do anything because the thief had been invited into the home and claimed that they had permission (by the child) to take those items. And, in one case the child did not know how to find the person who stole the items (only their first name).
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