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Why because someone doesn't spank, it's automatically assumed that there is no discipline?
I don't think she was saying that at all. I think she's just pointing out how different the attitudes are now. When I was little there are things that my friends and I wouldn't dare say or do to our parents. It had nothing to do with spankings-there was just a respect that was expected and given. If I got in trouble at school, the worst thing in my world would be a teacher sending a note home to tell my mom. It's not like that now. Everything has to be "appropriate for children", teachers aren't allowed to use red pens because a child's feelings might be hurt to see a bad mark on their papers (I was told that when I was in my teaching program in college), and children expect (some not all) to be treated as equals to adults. I'm not saying children need to be treated like second class citizens, don't get me wrong, but it seems there has been a definate shift power so to speak, and something just doesn't seem right about it at times.
I've been reading a thread on another board about unruly kids and it got me to thinking about why parents are the way they are now. I was scared to death of my dad and didn't do anything to cross him. I knew what would happen. My grandmother was easier but still strict. My dad worked a lot b/c he was raising us alone with the help of my grandmother. He didn't let us get involved in activities before junior high b/c he didn't have time. Anyway, we knew the score growing up.
I honestly think it's because we also have so many conveniences that aren't really necessary. Do people really need to talk on their cell phones as much as they do??? I use mine but say what I need to say and get off. I don't text. I don't have a blackberry or whatever. I may have to get one later this year when my job changes but I don't look forward to it. Why do we have to be so connected all the time? So many parents come to ball games/school functions and they are on their phones the whole time. How can they possibly pay their kids any attention when they are blabbing on the phone? Do you have to check work email from home? Ok, maybe occasionally you do but all the time? Are you so important? We survived without all these things growing up as did our parents. I work to live, not live to work. I know my son will only be young once and that I want to be there for everything I can be. I am fortunate that my job allows me some flexibility to go on field trips and do things at school. I also don't complain about practices and games b/c these are things I enjoy watching him do. The time will come when he doesn't care if we are there so I want to enjoy it while he does. I'm not perfect. There are nights I need to do laundry, clean house, pay bills, etc. and I can't sit down and hang out when he wants to but I try to make time b/c I realize how fast he's growing up!
Why didn't someone smack Dr. Spock when he started spouting off about self esteem and all that ? He was the reason so many parents stopped discipling their kids. God forbid we tell them they are not the best at something. I just had this conversation with my son yesterday. He was upset b/c he didn't win for his drawing of Dr. Seuss. He's not an artist. His picture was good but someone else did better. I told him he was not always going to be the best but he just needed to do his best. I told him he is good at sports and art just isn't his thing and that's ok. I didn't coddle him. I told him the truth. He hit my car with a basketball on purpose yesterday. He got in trouble for it. Why can parents not deal with issues instead of sweeping them under the rug? This generation is going to running corporations and the country at some point. How scary is it that we aren't teaching them responsibility and how to lose graciously? Why do all kids get a trophy and sports leagues don't have winners anymore??? Ours does keep score and there are tournaments with winners. Kids have got to learn that they cannot do everything they want to do but if they put forth the effort they can get better. I've rambled enough but this bothers me. Too many people are having children and letting them raise themselves. It's not fair to the people who have to be exposed to those kids and parents bad behavior and attitudes. And it's really not fair to the kids who didn't ask to be brought into this world.
I absolutely agree with you.
I think children nowadays feel a "you owe me" feeling, they assume that we should be strictly focused on them and everything else can fall apart.
Don't misunderstand I LOVE my girls more than anything but sometimes I need to do stuff around the house, look for a job, do MY OWN schoolwork, or just have me time. My 13 year old has advised me I don't get ME TIME because I'm a mom, WHAT???
We absolutely raise them differently than we or our parents were raised and boy do I wish we could go back...
Wow, such a great post! I feel the same way. My daughter (2) doesn't get away with the things other kids do. Sometimes I feel the public looking at me as if to say "she's just a baby!" While there is a difference between discipline and abuse, why should I feel like a horrible mother if I give her a "light' spank on her bottom if she hits me, or if she tells me "No" at a request.. When I was a kid, and my mom called me-- I ran, immediately, dropped whatever I was doing or I got reprimanded. We have to discipline our kids or we will end up with a society of monsters. So maybe a light spank isn't your solution, that doesnt give you the right to judge those who have tried other options. I am far from abusive and I am proud of the fact that my daughter gets praised for her good behavior everywhere we go. She doesn't throw fits or talk back, terrible 2's havent been that bad because she KNOWS what is right and wrong! It takes a strong mind, and a patient heart to discipline the right way, but soo many parents need to stand up and be parents and stop letting their kids overpower them because they are afraid of DCFS..
Why because someone doesn't spank, it's automatically assumed that there is no discipline?
Thank you!
I have three young boys (2, 5 & 7) who are very respectful, polite and all around nice kids. We don't hit our kids. Instead, we take away privledges and things that are important to them. Yea, I yell at them when they start getting wild in the house, etc., but I have never seen the need to hurt them in order to have them listen to me.
No, am not one of these moms who sit around reasoning with their kids, it's mama's law around here, but I am able to have them follow the rules without lifting my hand to them - frankly, I think that makes me a better disciplinarian than the parent who uses force.
I have three young boys (2, 5 & 7) who are very respectful, polite and all around nice kids. We don't hit our kids. Instead, we take away privledges and things that are important to them. Yea, I yell at them when they start getting wild in the house, etc., but I have never seen the need to hurt them in order to have them listen to me.
No, am not one of these moms who sit around reasoning with their kids, it's mama's law around here, but I am able to have them follow the rules without lifting my hand to them - frankly, I think that makes me a better disciplinarian than the parent who uses force.
Sorry but this is just more psycho babble that perpetuates my original post. I NEVER said I beat my child or hurt him. He does get spanked when he does something really bad (which is not often) but guess what? It's what works for him to really grasp that it doesn't need to be done again. For other things, taking away his Xbox 360 works wonders. But I'm so glad to know you are such a wonderful disciplinarian and your kids are just perfect. My son isn't perfect and he does sometimes act out both at home and in public. I'm amazed at how many people on this board have perfectly behaved children. Give me a break! I wish people would get a grip and understand that spanking and beating are not one and the same. If you choose not to use it in your home, fine. But get off your high horse and quit judging what works for others!
Sorry but this is just more psycho babble that perpetuates my original post. I NEVER said I beat my child or hurt him. He does get spanked when he does something really bad (which is not often) but guess what? It's what works for him to really grasp that it doesn't need to be done again. For other things, taking away his Xbox 360 works wonders. But I'm so glad to know you are such a wonderful disciplinarian and your kids are just perfect. My son isn't perfect and he does sometimes act out both at home and in public. I'm amazed at how many people on this board have perfectly behaved children. Give me a break! I wish people would get a grip and understand that spanking and beating are not one and the same. If you choose not to use it in your home, fine. But get off your high horse and quit judging what works for others!
I'm realistic. I know my kids aren't perfect. I still think they're the best darn kids out there, but I know for a fact they're not always the best behaved. Quite honestly no one's kids are perfect. And yes, usually the ones who scream from the rooftops about how wonderfully behaved their children are usually have the worst offenders. Perhaps this is what is so different today. It seems like parents have to constantly talk about how parenthood is wonderful, fulfilling, magical, and all that. They feel like they have to convince everyone they're perfect parents. We can't discipline little junior in public because the mommy police will be there informing us of the psychological ramifications of our actions. We can't tell junior he didn't win something because in 20 years he may experience trauma.
Well, let me tell you, I love my kids more than life itself. I would literally fall apart if one of them were removed from me. But it isn't perfect. They're not perfect. Sometimes I think they are the spawn of Satan. And yes, I get bored staying home sometimes. Sometimes I even spank them. Yes, we do time outs. They don't really work for the first. She gets over herself pretty quickly. To the second, time out is the most horrible thing ever. He has to stand still! In a corner! Away from the action!!! The horrors!!!! But sometimes even that doesn't work. What the heck am I supposed to do? Give up? Heck no!
As for spanking, for thousands of years kids got spanked. Somehow the world kept spinning. Even without the aide of therapists!! Amazing. You know why? People dealt with it. I guarantee you people had better self esteem in past generations than today. We're taught that we can excuse away everything now. Just blame your momma. That one time she tanned your behind because you stole something from the store totally ruined your fragile psyche. That's why you turned into an emotional wreck. Whatever.
Why because someone doesn't spank, it's automatically assumed that there is no discipline?
Exactly.
I have never spanked our daughter. In fact, my husband knows not to even raise his voice to her, because people, including children only deserve respect and to be treated accordingly.
Somehow, people treat adults, such as friends, coworkers, in-laws, in a totally different way than their children. I treat everyone the same. No one person deserves less or more in my opinion.
When our daughter was born, I decided I would only treat her as an equal. I would not speak down to her because she is a child, I would taker her opinion in consideration, I would always reason with her and respect her.
My daughter has always been treated this way. And she is now a preteen, she has friends who constantly speak back to their parents, have awful attitudes of disrespect and entitlement.
My daughter never speaks back to me. She never misbehaves. She has never been in trouble at school. She always listens to my requests. She never gives me attitude, even now when she is going through puberty. Last year, whil her friends had monstrous attitudes, she would come to me and say, "Mommy, I don't understand what is happening to me, I am happy one moment and sad another!" Yes, my reasoning helped her become a reasonable person.
Yes, everyone around here knows I make the decisions, our preteen also knows that her opinions and feelings will be considered in those decisions, and by treating her with kindness ad respect, that is all I have ever received from her.
Oh and one more thing, some of those other girls with their preteen attitudes (which of course are normal for this age) have been spanked by their parents many times when they misbehaved. Where did this get them? It accomplished nothing except possibly distrust from the kids. I wouldn't trust someone who hit, smacked or spanked me.
The parents disrespect the kids and now the kids disrespect the parents.
Meanwhile, of course I have always taught her and directed her, but I have treated her like a human, not just a child. There should be no difference, but unfortunately for many there is.
And what came of this is a very free spirited, intelligent, kind and well behaved girl.
Sorry but this is just more psycho babble that perpetuates my original post. I NEVER said I beat my child or hurt him. He does get spanked when he does something really bad (which is not often) but guess what? It's what works for him to really grasp that it doesn't need to be done again. For other things, taking away his Xbox 360 works wonders. But I'm so glad to know you are such a wonderful disciplinarian and your kids are just perfect. My son isn't perfect and he does sometimes act out both at home and in public. I'm amazed at how many people on this board have perfectly behaved children. Give me a break! I wish people would get a grip and understand that spanking and beating are not one and the same. If you choose not to use it in your home, fine. But get off your high horse and quit judging what works for others!
This seems out of line considering the tone in the post you were responding to.
I didn't infer any judgement, just a different opinion than yours. If you don't want to listen to other people's thoughts on the subject, then why post it to begin with?
Sorry but this is just more psycho babble that perpetuates my original post. I NEVER said I beat my child or hurt him. He does get spanked when he does something really bad (which is not often) but guess what? It's what works for him to really grasp that it doesn't need to be done again. For other things, taking away his Xbox 360 works wonders. But I'm so glad to know you are such a wonderful disciplinarian and your kids are just perfect. My son isn't perfect and he does sometimes act out both at home and in public. I'm amazed at how many people on this board have perfectly behaved children. Give me a break! I wish people would get a grip and understand that spanking and beating are not one and the same. If you choose not to use it in your home, fine. But get off your high horse and quit judging what works for others!
Why is everything you write so defensive?
I in no way said that my sons were perfect, and I also did not say anything about others beating their kids. If you are so super secure in you parenting choices, then why not just shake your head at us high-horse sittin' judgemental parents?
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I'm realistic. I know my kids aren't perfect. I still think they're the best darn kids out there, but I know for a fact they're not always the best behaved. Quite honestly no one's kids are perfect. And yes, usually the ones who scream from the rooftops about how wonderfully behaved their children are usually have the worst offenders
