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To those who believe in spanking when needed not necessary every time but there are times when yes a good whack on the behind gets the attention for sure!
There is a abuse line a parent should never cross no matter what. Normal discipline does not cross that line! Kids need boundaries period!
Oh Dr. Spock don't even get me started!!!! LOL.....
There is a reason kids are attacking teachers, each other, back talking and showing no respect to their elders. It is not making them better adults that is for sure!
Another thing that has happened is kids have NO responsibilities any longer. Too many parents want their kids to be kids and enjoy their childhood. Well that is all well and good but spending a couple hours a week helping around the house isn't going to spoil their childhood.
LOL-my daughter is 2 and helps empty the dishwasher and put the groceries away. She thinks it's just a fun game. Little does she know she's being groomed for future duties. LMAO. I'm working on getting her to "play" with the dust cloth and the shelves of the built-in bookcases she can reach. Evil mommy.
Same here, same here....Mine help clean the house I wet a cloth and they wipe down picture frames, they help feed the pets, they set the table, fold towels, put clothes away...I see nothing wrong with teaching them chores and learning them to be self-sufficient and productive citizens; isn't that a parent's job?
Same here, same here....Mine help clean the house I wet a cloth and they wipe down picture frames, they help feed the pets, they set the table, fold towels, put clothes away...I see nothing wrong with teaching them chores and learning them to be self-sufficient and productive citizens; isn't that a parent's job?
My nephew had to learn how to do laundry to earn one of his badges for Boy Scouts.
I recently read a good definition of what has happened in the last 50 years in parenting.
Dr. Norbest Elias, a German Sociologist, described the transfer of authority from parents to child.
In the past parents were taking all the decisions regarding their children regardless of the children's opinions (Ex:what school to choose, where to spend summer holidays, what to eat and when, etc.). Nowadays parents consult their children on anything and the children decide on almost eveything (or they have tantrums about it!!!)
This combined with the attempt to become friends with our children is stripping more and more parents of their authority and they are in a permanent limbo where they are neither parenting nor they can be their children's friends. As somebody put it: "friendship should be a reciprocal relationship while the parent-child relationship is not reciprocal". A parent should have the authority to tell the child what he/she can watch on TV. But the child does not have the authority to tell a parent what he/she can watch on TV, nor should have.
I personally think that while the parenting modelling of 100 years ago was to authoritarian we have now reached the opposite spectrum and in the end the children are going to suffer just as much.
It is our responsability as parents to teach our children how to live as decent human beings, how to respect others and how to bring positive contributions to those around them. Children need us to give them bounderies sand some rules so that they can better face the world out there.
Once we have done our parenting and the children have grown up, then we can become friends and have a reciprocal relationship.
LOL-my daughter is 2 and helps empty the dishwasher and put the groceries away. She thinks it's just a fun game. Little does she know she's being groomed for future duties. LMAO. I'm working on getting her to "play" with the dust cloth and the shelves of the built-in bookcases she can reach. Evil mommy.
Mine LOVED to dust when they were that age. The Swiffer wipes came out about then and it was the best thing ever for them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by therewego
Same here, same here....Mine help clean the house I wet a cloth and they wipe down picture frames, they help feed the pets, they set the table, fold towels, put clothes away...I see nothing wrong with teaching them chores and learning them to be self-sufficient and productive citizens; isn't that a parent's job?
EXACTLY!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese
My nephew had to learn how to do laundry to earn one of his badges for Boy Scouts.
DS12 had to do a laundry unit for their FACS calls, or more popularly known as Home Ec. Has has been doing our laundry ever since . I do pay him for this chore since it is so involved but I think I have done maybe 10 loads of laundry in the past year.
I recently read a good definition of what has happened in the last 50 years in parenting.
Dr. Norbest Elias, a German Sociologist, described the transfer of authority from parents to child.
In the past parents were taking all the decisions regarding their children regardless of the children's opinions (Ex:what school to choose, where to spend summer holidays, what to eat and when, etc.). Nowadays parents consult their children on anything and the children decide on almost eveything (or they have tantrums about it!!!)
This combined with the attempt to become friends with our children is stripping more and more parents of their authority and they are in a permanent limbo where they are neither parenting nor they can be their children's friends. As somebody put it: "friendship should be a reciprocal relationship while the parent-child relationship is not reciprocal". A parent should have the authority to tell the child what he/she can watch on TV. But the child does not have the authority to tell a parent what he/she can watch on TV, nor should have.
I personally think that while the parenting modelling of 100 years ago was to authoritarian we have now reached the opposite spectrum and in the end the children are going to suffer just as much.
It is our responsability as parents to teach our children how to live as decent human beings, how to respect others and how to bring positive contributions to those around them. Children need us to give them bounderies sand some rules so that they can better face the world out there.
Once we have done our parenting and the children have grown up, then we can become friends and have a reciprocal relationship.
I've seen this with my own father. There are 14 years difference between my youngest 2 siblings and a different mother (re-marriage). The father that raised my sister and I is not the same father who is raising my brother and other sister. My brother turned out ok, but my father complains all the time about how my sister calls the shots. I just ask him, "Well why do you let her? You didn't let us do that." He likes to pin it on my step-mother, and a lot of that is true, but he's there just as much as she is and he doesn't put his foot down any more than she does. They created their own monster.
I recently read a good definition of what has happened in the last 50 years in parenting.
Dr. Norbest Elias, a German Sociologist, described the transfer of authority from parents to child.
In the past parents were taking all the decisions regarding their children regardless of the children's opinions (Ex:what school to choose, where to spend summer holidays, what to eat and when, etc.). Nowadays parents consult their children on anything and the children decide on almost eveything (or they have tantrums about it!!!)
This combined with the attempt to become friends with our children is stripping more and more parents of their authority and they are in a permanent limbo where they are neither parenting nor they can be their children's friends. As somebody put it: "friendship should be a reciprocal relationship while the parent-child relationship is not reciprocal". A parent should have the authority to tell the child what he/she can watch on TV. But the child does not have the authority to tell a parent what he/she can watch on TV, nor should have.
I personally think that while the parenting modelling of 100 years ago was to authoritarian we have now reached the opposite spectrum and in the end the children are going to suffer just as much.
It is our responsability as parents to teach our children how to live as decent human beings, how to respect others and how to bring positive contributions to those around them. Children need us to give them bounderies sand some rules so that they can better face the world out there.
Once we have done our parenting and the children have grown up, then we can become friends and have a reciprocal relationship.
I am a teacher and this discussion comes up frequently among our staff. I am older and so I remember when things began to change. During the late 60s-early 70s, society was going through a lot of changes. There was an push for individual freedoms and "feeling good" rather than doing the right thing. The expression "Do what you want as long as it feels good" became the mantra to replace "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Drugs and sex became common place and misbehavior was encouraged.
This was especially noticeable in schools. Suddenly students could dress anyway they wanted, pregnant teens were a common site on campus, abortion was a form of birth control, and schools were being sued over infringement of individual rights. It seemed like overnight, students were allowed to come and go from campus, disrespect towards teachers became the norm, we all heard about Johnny and how he would learn to read when he felt like it so teachers should quit giving grades for academic success but rather to make sure Johnny feel good. Unfortunately, Johnny never did feel like reading (it is hard to read when you are high) and the literacy rate in the US dropped.
While I am an advocate for equal rights for women, there is no denying that there was a huge change in parenting once women flooded the work force. Women who chose to stay home and raise their children were put down by society. You could be a working woman or a housewife. And there was nothing lower on the status list than that.
Yet this push for women to work meant latchkey children. Divorce became as common as abortions so children were being raised by one parent that had to work to support the family. Not only was the child left alone to raise him/herself but there was no role model for that child. In the past you learned to raise children by looking at the role models around you. You took the best that you saw and tried hard not to do the same things your parents or friends' parents did that you didn't like. Girls were raised to know that there main job was to have and raise children to become useful members of society who would have and raise responsible children. But now there are no role models. Even the "good" parents on television programs were being put down as unrealistic. Shows like Leave It to Beaver, Father Knows Best, Ozzie and Harriet were being exchanged for shows with children out of control in the classroom or at home. I recently saw something that said The Simpsons were the number one examples of childhood stars! This cartoon. with the ineffective parents and an out of control child whose main goal in life is to use profanity, get out of doing what is right, and treats everyone else like they are fools. is a perfect example of how children should behave?
If children are not given an example of how to raise children then they can't be responsible parents and teach their children how to be responsible parents. It started in the sixties and now we have had so many generations that have lacked positive role models there aren't many people still alive that know what to do. That is why the Nanny shows are so popular. I always am in shock at how outrageous the children act on those shows while the parents wring their hands. I know that some of it is playing up for the camera but the scary thing is that there are a lot of households that are dealing with out of control children.
That lack of control by children is brought into the classroom. For teachers like me from the older generation, we are in shock at how many children feel that they can do or say what they want no matter what the rules are or how disrespectful they are being. The younger teachers don't seem to be bothered as much, why should they be? They are part of the same generation as the students' parents. How can society expect the schools to teach morals and manners and Character Education, when the teachers were raised the same way as their students? How can society believe that raising a child is the teacher's work not the job of the parents? Yet, when a teacher does set up some rules and consequences and consistently applies those consequences, parents come in to the principal to complain that their sweet little "angel" is being picked on by the teacher and they want a room change.
The reality is that society has changed and while some changes are for the good, many are not. We all seem to recognize this but how do we fix things? We can't tell parents they can't work they have to stay home and raise their children. Even if one parent could afford to stay home, they don't know how to raise the children. There are parenting classes but usually the parents that need this the most are not the parents that attend. There are no ways to force parents to raise their children according to specific guideline, there aren't any guidelines and even if there were this wouldn't happen.
We created a mess that our children and grandchildren are going to have to fix somehow or our society will self-destruct, if it hasn't already.
I think it started when schools started telling kids that being spanked is abuse and they should call the police. My kids hear this and translate it too, you yell at me, that's verbal abuse I am going to call the police. ARGH! What do you do then?
I was dumb enough to say that to my mom ONCE when I was growing up. She (a single mom) told me "You go ahead and call them. I will then beat you while we're waiting for them so they have a good reason to arrest me."
I didn't call.
My kids have never threatened to call the police, but I've already told them that if they ever feel the need to, I will follow in my mom's footsteps.
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. I do pay him for this chore since it is so involved but I think I have done maybe 10 loads of laundry in the past year.
