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Old 03-21-2017, 04:12 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 1,502,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtovenice View Post
I agree with this. After 30, most women are taking fertility drugs/struggling to get pregnant. Add in the cost of fertility treatments, yikes. Most would have been better off financially postponing the career, getting pregnant naturally and then resuming career.

If you do want to become a mom -- and this is for all young women -- you need to devote as much time to your career as you do to finding a spouse and getting ready to have the kids. I've seen it again and again, have two friends in fact who waited till 40 to have a kid. It's a tough, tough way to wait that long.
They may not have "waited", they might just have not been able to get pregnant before that time. Also, many women do devote considerable time to finding the right partner, but it doesn't happen for everyone. I have women friends who badly wanted to marry, but never met the right person. Not all of them were into their careers. But, none of that really matters, in light of the fact that it's wrong to make rude comments about someone not having children.

It's particularly appalling that the OP said her family had helped out this woman a lot in the past, and this is how she rewards them, by making a snarky remark about her not having a child. It's fine for the OP to resent that and keep her distance from this woman, from now on.
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Old 03-21-2017, 04:14 PM
 
Location: here
24,152 posts, read 27,953,652 times
Reputation: 30020
Quote:
Originally Posted by newtovenice View Post
I agree with this. After 30, most women are taking fertility drugs/struggling to get pregnant. Add in the cost of fertility treatments, yikes. Most would have been better off financially postponing the career, getting pregnant naturally and then resuming career.

If you do want to become a mom -- and this is for all young women -- you need to devote as much time to your career as you do to finding a spouse and getting ready to have the kids. I've seen it again and again, have two friends in fact who waited till 40 to have a kid. It's a tough, tough way to wait that long.
Most?
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Old 03-21-2017, 09:35 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
16,997 posts, read 21,018,269 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooting Stars View Post
Next time, say: "Yeah, but she'd probably prefer that I get the husband before the child."
Love this answer!
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Old 03-22-2017, 12:17 AM
 
Location: NYC
11,306 posts, read 7,182,383 times
Reputation: 12208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marissa23 View Post
The following happened when I was 27. I was single at the time. I was at my mother's for the weekend(I'm her only child). A married couple with two kids, ages five years and six months, came over for a few hours. The wife is five years older than me.They aren't close friends, but my mom knew the woman's parents years back and we helped them out when they settled in our area. Anyhow, my mother was playing with their daughter and being very affectionate, as many people are around kids. This woman looks at me and says with a smile on her face:
"[Mother's name] doesn't have a granddaughter".


I was stunned but didn't show my surprise and anger. I was only 27, working a professional job and preparing for graduate school. She knew about my then financial situation. Now, even if I were older, it still would've been highly rude to basically scold me for not having kids. I just think that what she did was beyond unacceptable. Yes, I know that there are rude people who cross our paths and that we should not dwell over it. Still, this take the cake. What do you think?
I don't think the woman meant any disrespect to you, just hoping to make your mother happy. Most mothers share the same feelings that hoping that their own daughters could go through the joy of motherhood.

27 isn't that old so you still have time within 10 yrs to have children. The important thing is don't rush it, nothing worst than marrying the wrong guy just to pop a kid out.
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Old 03-22-2017, 06:52 AM
 
3,871 posts, read 1,245,811 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22 View Post
They may not have "waited", they might just have not been able to get pregnant before that time. Also, many women do devote considerable time to finding the right partner, but it doesn't happen for everyone. I have women friends who badly wanted to marry, but never met the right person. Not all of them were into their careers. But, none of that really matters, in light of the fact that it's wrong to make rude comments about someone not having children.

It's particularly appalling that the OP said her family had helped out this woman a lot in the past, and this is how she rewards them, by making a snarky remark about her not having a child. It's fine for the OP to resent that and keep her distance from this woman, from now on.

That is my point. If you want to have a family, you need to make it a priority, and young women today are told school, career, grad school, THEN have a family. And time is not on their side when they get older.

People make rude comments all the time. The ones we get upset about say more about US then THEM. The OP needs to ask herself why this particular comment made her so upset she is posting on a forum about it. And she is, of course, free to associate with whomever she chooses.
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Old 03-22-2017, 07:43 AM
 
517 posts, read 736,365 times
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Take care of things on your time. My wife didn't have her first kid until she was 32 with no problems. My best girl friend had her first kid at 40. I had another friend who had her first child at 45. All with no fertility drugs and the children are perfectly fine. Medical technology makes pregnancy later in life a lot easier. You do you and don't let people bring you down with their opinions on how you should live your life.
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Old 03-22-2017, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
310 posts, read 133,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtovenice View Post
I agree with this. After 30, most women are taking fertility drugs/struggling to get pregnant. Add in the cost of fertility treatments, yikes. Most would have been better off financially postponing the career, getting pregnant naturally and then resuming career.
You might want to do a little research on this. "Most" women over 30 are NOT using fertility drugs/struggling to get pregnant. Over 40? Maybe, although even then I'd hesitate to say "most". But certainly not 30.
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Old 03-22-2017, 08:01 AM
 
4,619 posts, read 5,209,683 times
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The easiest time to conceive is in the 20s, but fertility does NOT go down at 30. It starts to go down at about 36 and really plummets in the 40s. Since people are individuals, there will always be a few that are able to get pregnant at a later age. But, then the risks of birth defects are higher.

This biological reality was swept under the rug for a while, and a lot of women were shocked that they couldn't conceive at 40. Now, I agree that this fact needs to become more widely known, and I think it's beginning to. It might help women who are already married to choose not to put off having children.

However, it's useless information for single women who haven't met the right person. At that point, harping about it becomes a scare tactic.
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Old 03-22-2017, 09:26 AM
Status: "Summer's here!" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
83,554 posts, read 96,611,481 times
Reputation: 30230
The comment was rude, but I agree with those who think you're making too much of this. It sounds like this occurred some years ago, as you say you were single "at the time". It really helps to get over these things, something I have learned the hard way in many cases. The worst thing to do is go over this again and again.
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Old 03-22-2017, 11:52 AM
 
3,137 posts, read 1,502,280 times
Reputation: 5948
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooting Stars View Post
However, it's useless information for single women who haven't met the right person. At that point, harping about it becomes a scare tactic.
Exactly. If a woman has not met the right person, it's pointless to shame her about her age and declining fertility. She may not want to have children without a dad in the picture. Until then, she does have to be a so-called "career woman" because like everyone else, she needs to earn money to live on.
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