Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think we can move on. Everyone's opinion has been expressed, so we are starting to go in circles. In my opinion, the SAHPs are at the top of the pyramid and deserve all the respect and admiration for running their lives correctly and making it happen for their kids. If you can't personally raise them, then don't have them. If someone has a 3 year old kid and really and truly doesn't want to be home with them, then they are not parental material and should never have had kids. That's just a fact.
No its actually an opinion.
opinion -a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
A fact would be something like:
"children whose mothers worked when they were young had no major learning, behavior or social problems, and tended to be high achievers in school and have less depression and anxiety"
Lucas-Thompson, Rachel G., Wendy A. Goldberg, and JoAnn Prause. "Maternal work early in the lives of children and its distal associations with achievement and behavior problems: a meta-analysis." Psychological bulletin 136.6 (2010): 915.
The reality is no one, man or woman, WANTS to be with their children 24-7. In fact, such a view is unhealthy for both the parents and the children. Based on the notion that good parents only want to be home with their children no one should ever send them to grandmas for a night out, or ::gasp:: go away for a weekend or whatever. Daycares are not the boogie man, if either parent wants to work find a good one, and do what works for your family. End of story.
I think we can move on. Everyone's opinion has been expressed, so we are starting to go in circles. In my opinion, the SAHPs are at the top of the pyramid and deserve all the respect and admiration for running their lives correctly and making it happen for their kids. If you can't personally raise them, then don't have them. If someone has a 3 year old kid and really and truly doesn't want to be home with them, then they are not parental material and should never have had kids. That's just a fact.
That's all great stuff, but none of those great things you mention are necessarily tied to having two working parents.
I've been married for over 20 years as well. I haven't been employed since my first child was born; I'm a SAHM and a homeschooling parent. We live in beautiful sunny Southern California and have been all over the West Coast, the Southwest, Hawaii, and Germany. If I lost my husband or he lost his job, the rest of us could live comfortably for at least 10 years on our savings (not to mention his large life insurance policy)--and all the kids would be grown before that time was up. Oh, and by the way he is a mechanic, not a CEO. So it can be done on one income, with good planning.
What's kinda dumb is the idea that families with one income are necessarily deprived and suffering.
What's kind of dumb, is assuming your situation is applicable to everyone's.
And if being a SAHM works for you, yippee! Go nuts, stay at home all you want.
But pretending that your choice is the "correct" one is as stupid as someone telling you that yours is the wrong one.
My daughter was born when my husband and I were still in grad school. She was in daycare 2-3 days a week, for 3-4 hrs a day on and off for most of the toddler years. And the kicker? I didn't need to work. Technically, neither of us "need" to work, but I am realistic enough to know that our financial situation is not applicable to other people, and would not remotely pretend to know what is best for their families. Odd that you think you do.
I work because I enjoy it. When my daughter was young, we arranged our schedules to limit her time in daycare, but I feel zero guilt for having her in there occasionally. And why would I? Like most daughters of working mothers she has been a high achieving student, has surpassed her peers in education level, is in a great grad program, and is happy healthy well adjusted adult (well as well adjusted as a grad student cane be). But unlike the WM bashers on here, I know that most of that success is due to her SES, having a stable two parent home environment, and only minimally influenced by whether or not I worked when she was a baby.
I know why you don't like working moms. It's because the kids will be influence to be more equalitarian and to work when they grow up (for girls) and to do more childcare and chores when they grow up (for boys).
Kids of working moms are better off - Jun. 15, 2015
Quote:
Daughters of working mothers grow up to be more successful in the workplace than their peers. They earn more and are more likely to be bosses, according to new findings from a Harvard Business School study.
While daughters see the biggest tangible financial gains, sons of working moms are more likely to grow up contributing to the childcare and household chores.
All over the world, children of working mothers are less likely to stick to traditional roles of male breadwinners and female homemakers.
Yet this study equates "better" with being a more career oriented adult (earning more, career success, being the boss) and "worse" as sticking to more traditional rolls as an adult (stay at home mom for girls, breadwinner for boys).
It's just an example of how the studies can even work to fan the flames of the mommy wars and manipulate people into thinking there is a right (better!) and wrong (worse) way for kids to grow up due to inherent human and cultural bias.
As a working dad, I would love to trade places and be a home staying dad and have the wifey be a working mom. Be glad some have choices while some don't
Yet this study equates "better" with being a more career oriented adult (earning more, career success, being the boss) and "worse" as sticking to more traditional rolls as an adult (stay at home mom for girls, breadwinner for boys).
It's just an example of how the studies can even work to fan the flames of the mommy wars and manipulate people into thinking there is a right (better!) and wrong (worse) way for kids to grow up due to inherent human and cultural bias.
Well, except you are assuming that "career success" , earning more etc somehow negates a woman choosing to stay home. It doesn't. Not only that, but who's to say that all girls will even choose to be mothers? Isn't it preferable to be a SAHM because you choose to do that, not because your education (or career success) limits your choice? I advised both my children to get an education and establish a career prior to marrying and parenting. After that, make whatever choice is best for your own family. Knowing you can support yourself (and children if needed) s important for everyone.
*not to mention some of those qualities that are apt to enhance careers (leadership ability and confidence come to mind) are also undoubtedly desirable qualities for parents as well.
Last edited by maciesmom; 03-28-2017 at 02:09 PM..
I think we can move on. Everyone's opinion has been expressed, so we are starting to go in circles. In my opinion, the SAHPs are at the top of the pyramid and deserve all the respect and admiration for running their lives correctly and making it happen for their kids. If you can't personally raise them, then don't have them. If someone has a 3 year old kid and really and truly doesn't want to be home with them, then they are not parental material and should never have had kids. That's just a fact.
Well, except you are assuming that "career success" , earning more etc somehow negates a woman choosing to stay home. It doesn't. Not only that, but who's to say that all girls will even choose to be mothers? Isn't it preferable to be a SAHM because you choose to do that, not because your education limits your choice? I advised both my children to get an education and establish a career prior to marrying and parenting. Knowing you can support yourself (and children) is important for everyone.
I'm commenting on the article regarding study that was shared which does equate the career success and higher earnings of daughters of working moms, not the daughters of stay at home moms as "better". The title of the article is, " Kids of working moms are better off". I'm not making assumptions about stay at home or working moms. I am drawing conclusions about what the author of the article values based upon her use of the word "better" and in turn how studies can be used to fan the flames of the mommy wars based on the author's (and people in general) own personal bias'.
Another funny quote from the article: "working moms are role models, and their kids absorb various lessons from them."
I'd say that all moms are role models and their kids absorb lessons from them, hence the reason why daughters of working moms are more likely to choose to become working mothers and daughters of stay at home moms are more likely to choose to be stay at home moms.
Yet the author of the article concludes based upon the study that one choice leads to "better" results. Her definition of better is all about career success.
And to answer your question, of course it's preferable to become a sahm or a working mom because you choose to do that. Children of sahm's and working moms can both get an education and establish careers and be successful and can choose whether or not to get married or have children.
eta: I looked more into this "study" and the results are based on surveys and the definition of "working mom" is a mom who worked at any point in time during their kids' childhood. It could be that they worked a part time job for a couple of months total or 60+ hours a week for the entire duration of their kids childhood. Based on that I personally wouldn't put too much faith into the results.
Last edited by MissTerri; 03-28-2017 at 02:42 PM..
The absolute truth of it is that over the last 50 years most women have been brainwashed into thinking a career is more important than raising an infant. And before you flame me, re-read all these posts about women who chose work over kids. Why? Work is more important for XYZ reasons.
Again with the women. My husband would make an excellent SAHD. where's his guilt trip about his choices?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
