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Working moms still need to fulfill their own wants too. They want to work. No big deal. Do what you WANT to do. They want to work.
Let's say this happened: You want to work but you are forced to stay home. You would be miserable. That's no good for your child either. If you are happy (by doing what you want), then you will be a happier parent to your child.
Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You need to save yourself before you can save others.
What makes you think that many women/mothers who work outside the home are any different? Many drive older cars, delay extravagant vacations, restaurant meals and the latest fashions.
I valued being able to ensure my kids had health insurance AND that I could adequately fund my retirement so my adult children could raise their own families without worrying as much about me. I don't see that as being selfish.
Lol that you mentioned Hawaii. Just got back. We couldn't afford it when the kids were young. They have grown into well-adjusted, college educated, employed adults who maintain a close a happy relationship with us and with each other. Horrors!
Look, if you want to stay home.and can afford it, go for it. Enjoy every moment. Just stop demonizing those for whom it doesn't work (emotionally or financially). In the end, we're all just moms. Doing what we feel is the best for our own families.
Staying home while kids are young is the point. EVERYONE can afford it. They can. They are choosing not to, emphasizing shortterm material gain (up till kindergarten) instead of caring for their own children. Being a mom is actually being a mom. Being there. Taking care. Nourishing, loving, supporting, teaching. All the time, not just when it *fits* your schedule. Kids don't grow up on a schedule. They are growing up every second of the day. If you're not there, you're missing it.
That's being a mom.
Is there anyone who honestly truly believes that daycare workers take BETTER care of their child than they do?
If you feel you are BETTER than daycare, why would you ever put them in there when they are two months old??
I would actually have respect for these families if they owned it and said, yeah we know. We know daycare isn't the best way to raise a kid, but we prefer to work and don't really want to figure out options where we don't need daycare (parttime work, split shifts, work from home, home-based business). We love our jobs and finances more.
Staying home while kids are young is the point. EVERYONE can afford it. They can. They are choosing not to, emphasizing shortterm material gain (up till kindergarten) instead of caring for their own children. Being a mom is actually being a mom. Being there. Taking care. Nourishing, loving, supporting, teaching. All the time, not just when it *fits* your schedule. Kids don't grow up on a schedule. They are growing up every second of the day. If you're not there, you're missing it.
That's being a mom.
Is there anyone who honestly truly believes that daycare workers take BETTER care of their child than they do?
If you feel you are BETTER than daycare, why would you ever put them in there when they are two months old??
I would actually have respect for these families if they owned it and said, yeah we know. We know daycare isn't the best way to raise a kid, but we prefer to work and don't really want to figure out options where we don't need daycare (parttime work, split shifts, work from home, home-based business). We love our jobs and finances more.
At least that would be honest.
You have no idea what you're talking about. It's pretty presumptuous to unilaterally proclaim what EVERY family can and should do, why they are doing it and what their options are. You can only speak for yourself and your choices.
You have no idea what you're talking about. It's pretty presumptuous to unilaterally proclaim what EVERY family can and should do, why they are doing it and what their options are. You can only speak for yourself and your choices.
It is not presumptuous. Open your mind. Women have choices beyond daycare. They are being TOLD not to look for them. They are being told NOT to be SAHMs.
The options are there IF they decide they want to put children above careers.
You, frankly, are speaking from choices only you can see (A, B, C, D). There are other choices (E, F, G, H). You can look for them.
It is not presumptuous. Open your mind. Women have choices beyond daycare. They are being TOLD not to look for them. They are being told NOT to be SAHMs.
The options are there IF they decide they want to put children above careers.
You, frankly, are speaking from choices only you can see (A, B, C, D). There are other choices (E, F, G, H). You can look for them.
Speaking for people you do not know is presumptuous no matter how you look at it.
I never said that there were never any other options for anybody besides working. I said you (or I, or anyone) doesn't know what those options are for other families, or whether they are in fact, the BEST option. Because I have no idea about anyone but myself and my family.
You are making huge presumptions about what working mothers in general find important and what their day to day lives entail. It would be equally offensive if I made the same type of presumptions about all SAHMs. I wouldn't do that.
Last edited by maciesmom; 03-27-2017 at 01:17 PM..
Something that hasn't been adequately covered, in my opinion, is that the child's age really does make a difference. The first few months are highly crucial, and the rest of the first year is very important, in establishing the child's emotional well-being and mental development. The mother-child bond is vital during this time (and I will add that "bonding" is not something that happens once in the first minutes of an infant's life, but develops over time).
So, it's very different to put babies in daycare at 6 weeks or 8 weeks (when they are still technically newborns!), as opposed to waiting until they are 12 months old or older. It's ludicrous to say that if it's just fine for mothers to work while their children are in school, then it's equally fine for them for to work while their tiny infants are in daycare. The two situations are not comparable.
I think it is a shame that in our society, mothers are obliged to put 6-week-old babies in full-time daycare and go back to work because otherwise they will lose their jobs and their family will suffer financially. I've never actually known a new mother who was anything other than upset about having to do this, and rightly so. Tiny babies need their mothers, and mothers should want their tiny babies with them. If a woman's pre-child attitude is, that she will have a baby and happily slot it into daycare as soon as possible so she can go right back to work, because she'd be miserable spending that much time with her baby, I think she should really examine whether having children is right for her.
Now, going back to work when the child is in preschool...that's entirely different.
Speaking for people you do not know is presumptuous no matter how you look at it.
I never said that there were never any other options for anybody besides working. I said you (or I, or anyone) doesn't know what those options are for other families, or whether they are in fact, the BEST option. Because I have no idea about anyone but myself and my family.
Baring medical needs or situations of abuse ... I'm not sure what mother would not be able to care for her own child.
There's a story about a teacher who gave her students the assignment of 10 people are in a life boat, but you can only save 9.
One group was able to prove that they could save all 10.
The teacher FAILED them because they did not do the assignment as asked.
Once you are in a mindset that there is always a solution, you *suddenly* seem to be able to find them.
Speaking for people you do not know is presumptuous no matter how you look at it.
I never said that there were never any other options for anybody besides working. I said you (or I, or anyone) doesn't know what those options are for other families, or whether they are in fact, the BEST option. Because I have no idea about anyone but myself and my family.
The BEST option is not a matter of argument or conjecture or opinion. Parents at home raising the kids is the only BEST option. Preferably MOM in the very early years. Everything else is a compromise and a substitute. Daycare is in fact child abandonment. School is different, because the child is 5 or 6 and ready to expand their horizons and grow into the external world. Not so at 2 months or 2 years. At that point the child belongs at home under the loving guidance of a focused and energetic stay at home mom.
A child in a day care center is unloved and uncared for and has to compete with the other abandoned toddlers for attention. The studies show that it is a terrible outcome. Later on in life, day care kids have higher rates of psychological dysfunctions, inappropriate aggression, increased chances of drug/alcohol use, inappropriate sex at an early age, poor bonding skills, and the inability to select good healthy partners. So what happens. More incompetent adults getting knocked up and shacking up and divorced and having kids without money or marriage who need... you guessed it... DAY CARE!
We see the 50% divorce rate, and adult children living at home at 28, and millennials who are buried in useless screens engaging in mindless interactions with their Facebook friends. That's day care at work. It destroys lives, but often in subtle ways. Today's insecure and inept adults got that way from day care. If they had been raised properly by loving, committed, legally married, rational and dedicated parents, we wouldn't see what we see today.
And why is almost every freaking kid now diagnosed with ADD/HDAD and other disabilities that prevent normal function? DAY CARE! What else? You are dumped in a sandbox with a mob of other amputees, with paid automatons in charge of herding the cats. Is it any wonder they can't pay attention to anything for more than 20 seconds?
There is no commercial substitute for loving parents who made the decision to have kids at the proper time when money is already being made and maturity and commitment are present in sufficient quantity to undertake the bringing of life into the world and raising it properly, and PERSONALLY.
I have worked, but mainly stayed home with my kids. Here's what I learned;
1) Only I and my partner know what's best for my family.
2) I have NO IDEA what is going in other families, what their financial situation is, or what needs the family or their children have.
3) Some parents are good, some great, some awful. Whether or not they work has nothing to do with it, it is usually character.
4) In my experience the biggest critics of other parents are usually non-parents, the parents of very young children, or are projecting (i.e. have not actually done a very stellar parenting job themselves). Real experienced parents know it's not all roses, and different strokes for different folks (barring the obvious of course).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
The BEST option is not a matter of argument or conjecture or opinion. Parents at home raising the kids is the only BEST option. Preferably MOM in the very early years. Everything else is a compromise and a substitute. Daycare is in fact child abandonment. School is different, because the child is 5 or 6 and ready to expand their horizons and grow into the external world. Not so at 2 months or 2 years. At that point the child belongs at home under the loving guidance of a focused and energetic stay at home mom.
A child in a day care center is unloved and uncared for and has to compete with the other abandoned toddlers for attention. The studies show that it is a terrible outcome. Later on in life, day care kids have higher rates of psychological dysfunctions, inappropriate aggression, increased chances of drug/alcohol use, inappropriate sex at an early age, poor bonding skills, and the inability to select good healthy partners. So what happens. More incompetent adults getting knocked up and shacking up and divorced and having kids without money or marriage who need... you guessed it... DAY CARE!
We see the 50% divorce rate, and adult children living at home at 28, and millennials who are buried in useless screens engaging in mindless interactions with their Facebook friends. That's day care at work. It destroys lives, but often in subtle ways. Today's insecure and inept adults got that way from day care. If they had been raised properly by loving, committed, legally married, rational and dedicated parents, we wouldn't see what we see today.
And why is almost every freaking kid now diagnosed with ADD/HDAD and other disabilities that prevent normal function? DAY CARE! What else? You are dumped in a sandbox with a mob of other amputees, with paid automatons in charge of herding the cats. Is it any wonder they can't pay attention to anything for more than 20 seconds?
There is no commercial substitute for loving parents who made the decision to have kids at the proper time when money is already being made and maturity and commitment are present in sufficient quantity to undertake the bringing of life into the world and raising it properly, and PERSONALLY.
Oh goodie, some good old fashioned Mansplaining. It makes a nice change from the Sanctimommies I guess.
Last edited by Zimbochick; 03-27-2017 at 01:50 PM..
Reason: typo
The BEST option is not a matter of argument or conjecture or opinion. Parents at home raising the kids is the only BEST option. Preferably MOM in the very early years. Everything else is a compromise and a substitute. Daycare is in fact child abandonment. School is different, because the child is 5 or 6 and ready to expand their horizons and grow into the external world. Not so at 2 months or 2 years. At that point the child belongs at home under the loving guidance of a focused and energetic stay at home mom.
A child in a day care center is unloved and uncared for and has to compete with the other abandoned toddlers for attention. The studies show that it is a terrible outcome. Later on in life, day care kids have higher rates of psychological dysfunctions, inappropriate aggression, increased chances of drug/alcohol use, inappropriate sex at an early age, poor bonding skills, and the inability to select good healthy partners. So what happens. More incompetent adults getting knocked up and shacking up and divorced and having kids without money or marriage who need... you guessed it... DAY CARE!
We see the 50% divorce rate, and adult children living at home at 28, and millennials who are buried in useless screens engaging in mindless interactions with their Facebook friends. That's day care at work. It destroys lives, but often in subtle ways. Today's insecure and inept adults got that way from day care. If they had been raised properly by loving, committed, legally married, rational and dedicated parents, we wouldn't see what we see today.
And why is almost every freaking kid now diagnosed with ADD/HDAD and other disabilities that prevent normal function? DAY CARE! What else? You are dumped in a sandbox with a mob of other amputees, with paid automatons in charge of herding the cats. Is it any wonder they can't pay attention to anything for more than 20 seconds?
There is no commercial substitute for loving parents who made the decision to have kids at the proper time when money is already being made and maturity and commitment are present in sufficient quantity to undertake the bringing of life into the world and raising it properly, and PERSONALLY.
By sixth grade, the researchers detected few differences between the day-care center kids and the others—shall we just call them the Children Whose Parents Truly Love Them?—who had stay-at-home moms or nannies or some other arrangement. What mattered more than early child care, in terms of school performance and behavior, were parenting and genes. "Parenting quality significantly predicted all the developmental outcomes and much more strongly than did any of the child-care predictors," the researchers wrote. Never mind that central, important finding. The downside of day care is what everyone wants to talk about.
Quote:
the higher-than-average incidence of bad behavior showed up only among kids who spent three or four years in day care before the age of 4½. Burchinal and her co-authors used a behavior measure on which a score of 50 is exactly average (and the higher the score, the brattier the kid). The mean score of kids who spent one or two years in day care before kindergarten was 50. The mean for kids who spent three years was 51.4. The mean for kids who spent four years was 52. Kids who spent no time at all in day care had a mean score of 49.6—lowest, yes, but to an extremely small degree. Also, only 5 percent of the kids in the study spent four years in day care, and only 10 percent spent three years.
Also, there is a difference between quality daycare and bad daycare. Mostly, in quality daycare, the teachers are very caring and loving. Note that for poor children, the academic benefits are very strong.
A separate study, being released today and based on a nationally representative sample of more than 14,000 kindergartners, found that while center-based day care programs modestly benefited middle-class children in early language and mathematics learning, youngsters from poor families experienced double those gains.
And how about safety:
Quote:
Another study, being published today in The American Sociological Review, is apparently the first broad research into safety in child care. It found that the rate of death among children receiving care in private homes was 16 times that of children in child care centers.
I agree that infants need one on one care from someone who love them. This can be a mom, a dad, a grandparent, a nanny, and even a childcare worker in a quality daycare center. Many high quality daycares give infants a primary caregiver who is there all the time.
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