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I'm not trying to be a martyr. Taking the "easy" route does not necessarily lead to more fulfillment or happiness. I could make changes in my life that would make it easier, but I wouldn't have a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day
True. I would a agree with the "not necessarily" because sometimes, easy = lazy. But in my case, it would lead to me having a greater sense of satisfaction. I know my mental and emotional limits. I am a "100%" type person - I either go all in or don't do it at all. If I teach then I will be mentally and emotionally maxed out right when my kids come home with no time to decompress. It would be unfair to me and my family if I am not mentally or emotionally present.
Btw, I was not saying that you are a martry mom. Having been on CD for a while now, you seem very reasonable and self aware.
True. I would a agree with the "not necessarily" because sometimes, easy = lazy. But in my case, it would lead to me having a greater sense of satisfaction. I know my mental and emotional limits. I am a "100%" type person - I either go all in or don't do it at all. If I teach then I will be mentally and emotionally maxed out right when my kids come home with no time to decompress. It would be unfair to me and my family if I am not mentally or emotionally present.
Btw, I was not saying that you are a martry mom. Having been on CD for a while now, you seem very reasonable and self aware.
Above all, I am just surprised that not one person in this whole thread has agreed with me that maternity or parental leave should be more extensive than it is. All I've heard is "Working mothers shouldn't be 'shamed,' babies in daycare are just fine, mind your own business." Isn't the well-being of babies and families in our society everyone's business? Do all other Americans everyone really, truly believe that it is in a mother's best interest to be back at work full-time, and a baby's best interest to be in daycare 8+ hours a day, at 6 weeks old?
If so, I'm speechless. Clearly people in Canada, the UK, Germany, Sweden, France, Japan, etc. etc. don't think it is in their best interest.
The US needs to extend maternity (and paternity!) benefits because they are currently terrible or non-existent. It is beneficial for people to have the OPTION to stay home for longer periods of time because plenty of people want that opportunity but simply can't afford it. However, some women enjoy working and shouldn't be shamed for that either.
It is in society's best interest to provide options for families, not to force people into a working or a stay at home role. Extreme attitudes that all woman should be working and "abandoning" their babies, or that all woman should be happy to give up other forms of fulfillment to stay at home contribute to postpartum mental health issues. Happy mom and/or dad = happy baby.
Besides that, it is pretty rude to imply that other family dynamics are your business.
The US needs to extend maternity (and paternity!) benefits because they are currently terrible or non-existent. It is beneficial for people to have the OPTION to stay home for longer periods of time because plenty of people want that opportunity but simply can't afford it. However, some women enjoy working and shouldn't be shamed for that either.
It is in society's best interest to provide options for families, not to force people into a working or a stay at home role. Extreme attitudes that all woman should be working and "abandoning" their babies, or that all woman should be happy to give up other forms of fulfillment to stay at home contribute to postpartum mental health issues. Happy mom and/or dad = happy baby.
Besides that, it is pretty rude to imply that other family dynamics are your business.
The US needs to extend maternity (and paternity!) benefits because they are currently terrible or non-existent. It is beneficial for people to have the OPTION to stay home for longer periods of time because plenty of people want that opportunity but simply can't afford it. However, some women enjoy working and shouldn't be shamed for that either.
It is in society's best interest to provide options for families, not to force people into a working or a stay at home role. Extreme attitudes that all woman should be working and "abandoning" their babies, or that all woman should be happy to give up other forms of fulfillment to stay at home contribute to postpartum mental health issues. Happy mom and/or dad = happy baby.
Besides that, it is pretty rude to imply that other family dynamics are your business.
Yep. This.
People go back after 6 weeks because they can't afford not to, or after 12 weeks of FMLA because they'll lose their jobs if they don't. I can only speak for myself, but I think even the moms who plan to go back to work, wish they could do it after 6 months or a year, rather than 6 or 12 weeks.
I don't personally know anyone who looks down on working moms...but it is a hot topic in the mom world. But I think your post is more about trust issues then actually being a SAHM.
AFAIK, employers would. For a non-professional job (so not stuff like computer programmer, software architect, banker, accountant, lawyer, engineer, etc.), they could apply for a job that a single mother could be ideal for, like managing a restaurant, waiter, etc., but they'll get passed up for being out of the work force for too long
You're funny. Have you considered your own comedy show?
The most confounding thing to me is that the the same people who are jumping all over me for "shaming" (nice buzzword) women who would specifically plan to put their newborns in daycare because they would rather work--which I'm pretty sure is a small fraction of working mothers--are the same ones who decry the barbarous and inhumane amount of maternity leave mothers are given in the US and praise the generous benefits given to parents in other countries. You would think they would agree with me that 6 weeks is too short a time to allow a mother to spend with her newborn, but oh no, they insist that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this amount, because otherwise working mothers would feel sad and guilty and we can't have that. News flash: Working mothers DO feel sad and guilty about leaving newborns in daycare. Stop denying it.
The difference is, extended maternity leave gives women a CHOICE about choosing what works best for their family. You, otoh, are not only about shaming and it's is not a buzzword here, but actually suggesting that women who do not meet YOUR arbitrary and meaningless criteria should not be allowed to have children at all.
Not only that, you are now deciding that you get to define how every working mother on he planet feels. Speak for yourself, stop pretending your "large social circle" makes you an expert on anything, and maybe acknowledge that you have no business judging women for choosing to work when you got to choose not to.
The US needs to extend maternity (and paternity!) benefits because they are currently terrible or non-existent. It is beneficial for people to have the OPTION to stay home for longer periods of time because plenty of people want that opportunity but simply can't afford it. However, some women enjoy working and shouldn't be shamed for that either.
It is in society's best interest to provide options for families, not to force people into a working or a stay at home role. Extreme attitudes that all woman should be working and "abandoning" their babies, or that all woman should be happy to give up other forms of fulfillment to stay at home contribute to postpartum mental health issues. Happy mom and/or dad = happy baby.
Besides that, it is pretty rude to imply that other family dynamics are your business.
People go back after 6 weeks because they can't afford not to, or after 12 weeks of FMLA because they'll lose their jobs if they don't. I can only speak for myself, but I think even the moms who plan to go back to work, wish they could do it after 6 months or a year, rather than 6 or 12 weeks.
Honestly, I feel like I've been beating my head against the wall. ^^ THIS is what I've been saying, but when I say it, I'm told that I am shaming and judging women, trying to take their options away, pretending to be an expert, and have arbitrary and meaningless opinions. But when someone who maybe is better known on the forum says the same thing, it's A-OK. It's also very clear that some people are so deeply philosophically invested in the rights-of-women-above-everything-else that they won't grant any rights or needs to anyone else, even a newborn. It doesn't matter what happens to a newborn, but that mother had better have her options, dammit! Wow. I am done.
Honestly, I feel like I've been beating my head against the wall. ^^ THIS is what I've been saying, but when I say it, I'm told that I am shaming and judging women, trying to take their options away, pretending to be an expert, and have arbitrary and meaningless opinions. But when someone who maybe is better known on the forum says the same thing, it's A-OK. It's also very clear that some people are so deeply philosophically invested in the rights-of-women-above-everything-else that they won't grant any rights or needs to anyone else, even a newborn. It doesn't matter what happens to a newborn, but that mother had better have her options, dammit! Wow. I am done.
Except that is not what you've been saying.
You handily ignored the first part of Kibbiekat's post. You have repeatedly indicated that anyone can make it work, and if they can't either they aren't trying hard enough or aren't doing what is best for their children. That is not your determination to make and not your business. That's what you don't seem to get and yes, that is shaming.
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