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She is 26 and has a 22 yr old sister that she gets along with very well,she also has a large social circle,she is always friendly when she does come over,however its as if she has forgotten to include Mom and Dad in her life.
Self absorbed jerk? you might have hit the nail on the head with that descriptor.
Seems like a normal 20 something, just learning to grow on their own. Try not to take it personally, however IMO, I wouldn't be loaning her your vehicle anymore either. She's certainly old enough to get her own car.
Seems like a normal 20 something, just learning to grow on their own. Try not to take it personally, however IMO, I wouldn't be loaning her your vehicle anymore either. She's certainly old enough to get her own car.
Even, if she does not want to get a car of her own (perhaps, the OP & daughter live in a large city with great public transportation) she can always borrow a car from someone in "her wide circle of friends" or rent a car if she needs a car for several days.
She is 26 and has a 22 yr old sister that she gets along with very well,she also has a large social circle,she is always friendly when she does come over,however its as if she has forgotten to include Mom and Dad in her life.
Self absorbed jerk? you might have hit the nail on the head with that descriptor.
As painful as that is, I think it's probably normal at this point. If she has a job and is self-sufficient, she's probably having the time of her life. She knows you're there, but she's out spreading her wings and having fun.
P.S. Please remind me of that in the coming years.
Number 1 daughter moved out and got her own place 2 years ago since then contact with her is rare,we've never been invited to her apartment all attempts to interact with her (Lunches,dinners,family get togethers etc)are rejected saying she is busy or too tired,i feel she has abandoned us and i have no idea why, we gave her everything she ever wanted, no physical or mental abuse.I'm finding it very disappointing that she is choosing to ignore the wife and i, seems the only time we see her is when she wants to borrow the car.
So, she launched late? I think it is 100% normal. I launched late (for cultural reasons) and when I moved out, it was just really liberating. At first, I did call often and visit but after about a year when my life was really getting interesting I just didn't. It became a obligation and when I was finally "young and free" anything obligatory was just a turnoff. The harder my parents pushed, the worse it got. I was always thinking, "why can't they just let me have my time?"
Good news? After they finally "got it", and I matured, i.e., felt 100% independent, it was easier for me to contact them regularly again.
Btw, my parents were good parents but they were overwhelming. I don't know if it was cultural, generational, or what. But it was just hard for them to let go of me - maybe it was because I was the baby of 7 kids.
This. Every time I hear something like this, I think there is far more going on. Just because you provided a home, clothes, food, etc. and didn't abuse her doesn't mean there weren't issues. My mom was always critical and made me feel like I couldn't do anything right. Of course, she doesn't think so, but I certainly did. So I avoid her because I don't want to hear those things any more. But ask her, and she was the best mother ever.
This. Cannot agree more. What you SAY, how your relationship is, are more important than all the material things you provided for her.
I had all the same material things growing up, but my mom and I have the same personality and to this day, I still can't stand her...and she lives with me!! She thinks I'm equally as obnoxious, so the feeling is mutual. When she goes out, she asks my brother (who lives 1 hour away) to come pick her up. She doesn't ask me to drive her, and I live with her! So we both know we drive each other nuts and should not be spending a lot of time together. It's sad, but we cannot change our personalities.
I would give it more time and back off for a while. She's probably working through something related to establishing her independence and is not necessarily a "jerk". I wouldn't pump the younger daughter for information, but I might ask her to let you know if there is something seriously negative going on (drugs, abuse, depression, financial problems etc.)
I did the same thing when I first struck out on my own. I needed to figure out where my place was and how I was going to make it work in the real world. I felt that it would be best if I did it on my own since I was the one living my life and didn't want or need my parents opinion on my journey. I'd come by for holidays and family events, but my parents didn't see my place until after it was converted from a party house/bachelor pad to something more grown-up. My parents were understanding and didn't intrude, although moms are always going to worry. Once I was to a point where I felt sufficiently grown up, then the time visiting each other became much more frequent. It's a hard road to walk as a parent, but it pays off in the end.
It's a phase, but you are loaning her your car so I think that warrants some family time whenever she borrows it. If she is too busy to spend time with you guys after helping her out, then have her look somewhere else for transportation.
we live downtown and she lives a mile away, her job is out in the boondocks and is often an 11pm to 7am job with very intermittent bus service, for peace of mind we dont mind lending her one of our cars when she is on that graveyard shift as its up to a two hour ordeal one way on the bus or half an hour if she drives, it also forces her to interact with us when she picks up the car or drops it off,
we live downtown and she lives a mile away, her job is out in the boondocks and is often an 11pm to 7am job with very intermittent bus service, for peace of mind we dont mind lending her one of our cars when she is on that graveyard shift as its up to a two hour ordeal one way on the bus or half an hour if she drives, it also forces her to interact with us when she picks up the car or drops it off,
Working those shifts is really hard. I did it an RN for years as a full fledged adult, and it definitely made socializing and keeping up with others difficult. Maybe you should give more credence to what she said about being busy. She's probably exhausted. It's hard sleeping when everyone else is awake and trying to socialize during times that you are usually sleeping. Shift work really take a toll in so many ways. It's nice that you can help her out with the car.
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you might have hit the nail on the head with that descriptor.
