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I have a 22 yr old successful, really wonderful son. His bio dad (we were together all thru HS & beyond) was all excited when I found out I was pregnant & well...that was just about the last time I saw him. I was extremely close to his mother at the time. She met with me (before bio dad left) & really tried to sway me into ending the pregnancy. I truly think she was legitimately concerned for me (probably because of him) at the time. I also never saw or heard from her again.
I contacted the bio dad 2x, once in person & once by email, in the last 22 years. The in-person (son was an infant) contact was a chance meeting & I asked him "What will I tell our son?" He replied with "Ill just tell him his mother is a ^&%$*". What ever that means...I emailed him in '09 a short message asking politely (for my son) if he ever planned on meeting him etc. I got a reply: "Take. Care." WTF.
Anyway, recently a friend sent me his new fiancee's FB because apparently he told NO ONE that my son exists. NO ONE. Neither of his parents, his fiancee or sibling knows. He must have told his mother I had an abortion?
Anyway, I know 22 years has passed & raising my son alone was probably the best thing ever for him. Truly. I don't know but I feel really pissed off suddenly. REALLY pissed off & feel like dropping a dime on this POS. Ugh. His family are such nice people too...I hate to hurt anyone...
Thanks for letting me vent. I've held this in sooo long. I have severe, aggressive early on-set heart disease at 43, which adds to my pissedoffness. I would hate to have this all come to a head for my son & I am no longer here to help him deal...
I'm sorry that he was such a deadbeat, but I'm curious about why you never sought child support on behalf of your son. And what did you end up telling him about his dad?
Congratulations on raising your son by yourself as it sounds like you did a good job. But if I were you, I'd check out the statute of limitations on back child support. It's probably too late to do anything, but you owe it to your son to see if he is entitled to any support.
Don't do it. Why do you want such a loser in your life? He has shown you repeatedly that he is a not nice person!
He left you after finding out you were pregnant
He has refused to see you and/or acknowledge your son
He has lied to the world about your son's very existence
I would think his demonstrations of heartlessness and lack of remorse would look like a hornets nest! You don't want the kind of mess your revenge might stir up! How has he demonstrated that he is capable of helping your son in any way? Why would you want your son hanging out with such a skeezy dad?
Are you seeking revenge or trying to embarrass him/"out" his asshat behavior?
If that is your goal, while I wouldn't blame you I also would think long and hard. Ultimately you would be inviting him back into your life and into your adult son's life. Are you ready for the drama that will no doubt entail? For both of you?
I'm sorry that he was such a deadbeat, but I'm curious about why you never sought child support on behalf of your son. And what did you end up telling him about his dad?
Congratulations on raising your son by yourself as it sounds like you did a good job. But if I were you, I'd check out the statute of limitations on back child support. It's probably too late to do anything, but you owe it to your son to see if he is entitled to any support.
Thanks.
I didnt seek support at first because I was young & dumb lol and because he wasn't acknowledging my son, I was afraid what would happen if he was forced to take my son on visitation.
I told my son basically the truth but without the drama when he was a bit older...I bit the inside of my mouth & said: "Bio Dad was young and didn't make the best choices. It wasn't you he didn't want, it was me." Not your fault sort of thing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by plantress
Don't do it. Why do you want such a loser in your life? He has shown you repeatedly that he is a not nice person!
He left you after finding out you were pregnant
He has refused to see you and/or acknowledge your son
He has lied to the world about your son's very existence
I would think his demonstrations of heartlessness and lack of remorse would look like a hornets nest! You don't want the kind of mess your revenge might stir up! How has he demonstrated that he is capable of helping your son in any way? Why would you want your son hanging out with such a skeezy dad?
Oh I agree. With every word. Just venting about him. I am pissed off but have no plans for revenge. (As of yet..
I'm not really even concerned with the dad so much. I don't know, I could be wrong but the bio grandparents would be very upset finding this out and not knowing my son. I care more about that...
Again, I guess I'm just rolling this around in my head. As of now, I plan on doing nothing.
Are you seeking revenge or trying to embarrass him/"out" his asshat behavior?
If that is your goal, while I wouldn't blame you I also would think long and hard. Ultimately you would be inviting him back into your life and into your adult son's life. Are you ready for the drama that will no doubt entail? For both of you?
No, no back support.
Yes, he has asked much more as of recently.
Lol. While I would love to mortify the bio dad (lol), I care more my son and what he wants. As of now, he mentions the grandparents more than the dad.
You know you are too nice of a person to even be dealing with that loser deadbeat sperm donor !!! my grandmother used to tell me to let sleeping dogs lie . Just forget about him and let it go however just to mess with him I would see about receiving back support so what if you don't get it at least you interfered with his life and his mind . Then remove him like a tick or is it a louse ? LOL . Kudos to you for being such a great mom and your son is very lucky .
You know you are too nice of a person to even be dealing with that loser deadbeat sperm donor !!! my grandmother used to tell me to let sleeping dogs lie . Just forget about him and let it go however just to mess with him I would see about receiving back support so what if you don't get it at least you interfered with his life and his mind . Then remove him like a tick or is it a louse ? LOL . Kudos to you for being such a great mom and your son is very lucky .
Man. I'm just in awe of all the great posts. Thanks truly. (I just saved $2728272882 in therapy bills. )
The only time I even think of it is when my son mentions it...ugh. They say karma comes around but cant I be there to see it happen?
Yes, agree, part of me wishes I could just give a little nudge to his life & mind. You know like: " Hey, remember us? So how ya been?" And watch the blood drain from his face. Lol. He's a RE agent in another state and his image is EVERYTHING to him.
Maybe I'll call Maury.
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