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Old 03-07-2008, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Brunswick, ME (Hometown: Newark, N.J.)
170 posts, read 326,937 times
Reputation: 110
Oh God, I don't ever want my babies to grow up.
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Old 03-07-2008, 11:27 AM
 
Location: In a house
18,978 posts, read 13,216,074 times
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This sounds very logical to me too! Good post sean08125!!
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Old 03-07-2008, 11:58 AM
 
Location: USA
1,246 posts, read 2,037,298 times
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Sadly, it's pretty normal for his age. This is a very tough time for him. By his age, I am assuming that he is either a freshman in high school or about to be one and this is a whole new world for them. The pressures they face in school are great. I believe even worse than those we faced when we were their age. I mean, I look at what my kids are exposed to on a day to day basis, in a very open manner and think back to when I was in high school and sure we faced some things but not nearly like what they face now.

Think of it this way... Out in the world, with his friends and stuff, he gets to put that mask on, smiling, happy, go lucky, not a care in the world. He's a guy, gotta be tough and all that stuff, can't wear his heart on his sleeve because they will eat him alive basically. At home though, this is sanctuary, this is where he can be himself and reflect on all that is going on in his life and around him. This is where he deals with those emotions and perhaps even his own inner battle of looking forward to this new experience of growing up while at times wishing he could just go back to the simple days of being a little kid.

A lot of times we don't think about it and as teenagers they don't often express it, but much like we mom's have a bit of a struggle letting go and seeing our little one's grow, our little one's also have a bit of a struggle having to grow up and deal with some of the stuff they have to. Can't always turn to mom and dad because that goes against the whole growing up thing. I know my 15 year old daughter goes through some of this. She has at times even opened up and shared with me how she wishes she could go back to being little when boys and what they thought of you wasn't an issue, when girls weren't so competative and just all played together, when planning for your future, college and career wise wasn't even a thought in her mind. All she had to do is decide what doll she wanted to play with that day.

It's definately a tough age. As much as he doesn't want to talk or gives one world answers, don't shut that door of communication, you keep asking every day how was school, when he says fine... you just say cool, glad to hear that, anything really good happen today... let him know you care, that you are there to talk and to listen.. accept those moments when its one word answers and relish those moments that actually turn into a conversation... there will be some, trust me.

Mari
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Old 03-07-2008, 12:20 PM
 
4,454 posts, read 5,587,975 times
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Keep asking, keep asking, keep asking. My son (14 as well) will open up on HIS terms, which are usually at the weirdest times. Lots of times it's in the car. Moody is the word you will probably need to get used to for quite some time .

I am lucky in that my son is a home body. He's also very shy so I think a girlfriend is a bit off. He loves hanging out with his friends, but it usually happens here at the house. He pretty much shares most things with me. But he sure can get annoyed with me as well. I get a lot of eyeball rolling.

We have always been extremely open with him - there pretty much isn't anything we haven't discussed. We do a lot of things together - he and I are concert junkies and thankfully he isn't embarrassed to go with me - yet. People mistaken us for brother and sister which may be why.

Just keep making yourself available. Every day when my son comes home he always heads up to the office to say hi. I always ask the same, "How was school? Anything exciting happen?" Always answers are, "Fine. No." The one day recently I wasn't home to ask the question, later in the evening he came and hopped on my bed (I was laying watching tv) and he said, "You never asked about my day!". I was hoping for something really juicy, but I did get the blow by blow of the experiments they did in science class.

Anyway, after all that, hopefully you see my point. It's a tough age. I wouldn't want to be a teen in this day and age for sure. Hang in there.
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Old 03-07-2008, 01:04 PM
 
Location: USA
1,246 posts, read 2,037,298 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
We have always been extremely open with him - there pretty much isn't anything we haven't discussed. We do a lot of things together - he and I are concert junkies and thankfully he isn't embarrassed to go with me - yet. People mistaken us for brother and sister which may be why.
LOL... My kids and are the same way, very open. I just had to comment on this because I am 38, my son is 19 and my daughter 15, I look very young for my age so we get that a lot to.

There was one time when my son about lost it laughing so hard, he was 18 at the time and I had to go to his technical school for something, he invited me to lunch in the cafeteria, his treat, and of course I accepted. Well a lady in the cafeteria asked him if I was his girlfriend. LOL. That was a priceless moment.
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Old 03-07-2008, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 6,216,233 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle View Post
Until my son became a teenager, he always use to smile. I look at old pictures of him in grammar school and he was smiling. It was easy. It is normal at this age, 14, for them to smile only for their friends and just be sullen with their parents? He has everything to be happy about..new girlfriend whom he talks to for hours everyday, friends....Just makes me sad to see the way he was when he was younger and what he seems to be now.
It's normal! Don't worry about it, he's just sorting out the transition between childhood and manhood. My boy did the same thing, but once he hit about 17 or 18, he was back to smiling and hugging me again and it's all good.
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Old 03-07-2008, 01:16 PM
 
Location: In a house
18,978 posts, read 13,216,074 times
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Hey Puffle, my little boy did come back only as a grown responsible adult. He hugs me now, smiles and talks a lot to me. Asks for my opinion and respects it! I traded my baby for the daddy of my new grandkids! I guess life just continues on.........
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Old 03-07-2008, 01:43 PM
 
4,454 posts, read 5,587,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
LOL... My kids and are the same way, very open. I just had to comment on this because I am 38, my son is 19 and my daughter 15, I look very young for my age so we get that a lot to.

There was one time when my son about lost it laughing so hard, he was 18 at the time and I had to go to his technical school for something, he invited me to lunch in the cafeteria, his treat, and of course I accepted. Well a lady in the cafeteria asked him if I was his girlfriend. LOL. That was a priceless moment.
That is priceless! And the fact that he can laugh about it is even better .

We were at a meet and greet at a Linkin Park concert and my son was ahead of me in line. He got his item signed and they had him move on out. When I got mine the security guard said, "your brother went that way". I wanted to kiss that man right there.
I'm 40 by the way.....I did have my hair up in a pony tail which might have contributed. I think the worse scenario is when people think I'm my husband's daughter. That's happened a couple of times. That can be a little weird.

How sweet that he invited you to lunch (and treated!).
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Old 03-07-2008, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
421 posts, read 891,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle View Post
I hesitate to have any personal kind of conversation with him these days as he just shuts down. Doesn't want me to talk about how school is going, again, just the usual, "how was school" and "fine" seems to be it unless he wants something. I just hate to see him "look" so unhappy, but that's just it...is it just a teenage "look"? I guess looking back I was the same way but never really went through the smiling stage either...also entirely different home life. I just don't know when it's normal or a problem..he is so moody.
It may be normal, it may not be. I'd say pay attention to EXACTLY what the changes are and how often his mood swings are. Sometimes these can be symptoms of depression. You wouldn't want to ignore that.
It's hard, especially with teens because it could just be hormonal and eventually they'll grow out of it. But I wouldn't just "assume" that it's normal.
There was another post on here about an angry teen girl who wasn't noramlly like that, even had a violent outburst, well, come to find out she has something physically wrong with her. It's always better to be cautious and keep your eyes open, as you are obviously doing.
Good luck,
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Old 03-07-2008, 04:19 PM
 
Location: in a house
5,852 posts, read 1,424,249 times
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Thank you so much everyone for contributing to my questions with terrific answers. They gave me some piece of mind to know that this is a normal part of growing up and not that he hates his life. Just dropped him off at his girlfriends house where he will have dinner with her parents and watch videos. That should make him smile :
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