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Wow! I'm amazed how many people go straight to the negative path, thinking about pedophilia and such.
I'm familiar with immigration and I know that, if nothing changes in the law, she will be doomed. So what you're planning is a very charitable act. Not sure why your wife is not on board, but I have sensed something similar in some immigrant communities, the "I'm all set, don't care about anyone else" mindset that's very sad.
I also agreed with PP that this adoption brings with it another set of issues that might be difficult to work around in both families.
So, yes, your heart is in the right place, but the change we really need is to change immigration law so this heartbreaking cases don't happen anymore.
NO, sorry, just no. Don't adopt this 16 year old girl. First off I don't care how well you know this family the whole thing is creepy. If this was such a concern then YOUR WIFE should be the one bringing this up, not you. You shouldn't be offering anything, not adoption, not financial support, not anything.
Now if it was family I'd say go for it but this is a FRIEND. I don't care how close, you just don't do stuff like this. Go adopt a dog if you want a new family member. Now. You do realize you'd be causing a division in your own family and with your own daughter when you bright in this older girl and give her what she's always lacked? And what about her parents? I doubt they'd see you as a savior. They'd see you as dividing up their family and taking sides and I bet your wife won't want to be around them at all. Then there's the 'he said' 'she said' with what one family does / says against the other and so much heartache, division, and mistrust. So what if you adopted this girl and she got the five star college and degree while her poorer siblings fought for every penny and year of schooling. You bet that'll divide her from her siblings and cause another rift.
Even if your close friends can't do a thing for this girl, they can figure it out. I'm sure they've had many many many years to think about it. Maybe they have family back home they can send her too or even college. They may have a rich uncle or grandparents that want to help.
Having a married man focus so strongly on a 16 year old girl - I don't care how cherished this family is, it's creepy. It's wrong. And I bet if you brought it up with this girl's parents they'd say leave and never return. And I bet you won't be approved for adoption anyway without your wife's approval. If I were in her shoes I'd say no.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,580 posts, read 17,923,325 times
Reputation: 50612
Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
There is a legal path. My husband managed to go down that path, and do everything legally.
I'm curious. Was your husband brought here, as a small child, and grew up to teenage years in the US without legal status, through no fault or decision of his own? Because that's what this girl is facing.
Before you do anything with this adoption thing and even if you drop the idea, go to a marriage counselor and also get yourself your own therapist. There's like 8 billion issues going on here involving you, your wife and your child.
I am strongly considering adopting the oldest child shortly before her 16th birthday. Obviously, this has an immigration benefit, but also takes a financial burden off of their parents, provides her with health insurance, opportunities for her education, etc. It would be an open adoption and she would have no limitation of contact with her family, who will continue to live very close. She could even stay there on the weekends.
It sounds like you plan on taking this child away from her parents.
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