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The reason I ask is because a woman I know recently had twins at 44! I don't know much regarding the circumstances, but even so, is that not selfish considering you are far more likely to have children with mental and/or physical disabilities at that age not to mention even if they aren't born with issues you will be far older when they graduate high school and aren't likely to be able to run around and play with them or keep up with them as if you were younger? It also must be very embarrassing for the kids to have such an old mother.
The Down Syndrome issue was already discussed, and if you can't handle a kid or kids with Down's, you should get tested and and explore your options. Other than that, there's no real credible evidence that age of parents has anything to do with disabilities of the kids. A 44 year old mom will be 62 when her kids graduate from HS, 66 or thereabouts when they graduate from college. Full retirement age is now 66, will go up to 67 soon. People in their 60s are considered "late middle age" these days.
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Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
It's difficult to be raising your young children while trying to help your aging parents.
That's not a reason not to have kids at age 44. I was 10 years younger than that with my first and still had to deal with the aging parents thing with fairly young kids. OTOH, DH's parents were pretty self sufficient until they were in their 90s. His mom is 98 and it's just been in the past few years that she's needed a lot of help. (Now in a nursing home.)
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Originally Posted by whocares811
I just wonder what kind of "generation gap" will occur between teens and 60-somethings 20 years from now. There has always been a gap before, of course, but it seems that with every generation, it comes slightly more extreme. Way back when, it was more a matter of trivial things like dress and music, etc., but recently social/moral values and technology have been added to the mix, too. (Yes, of course, one can argue that those have always been a factor, but it just seems to me that it has become more extreme in the last 30 years or so.)
There will always be a "generation gap". A lot of it is psychological rather than physical. A teacher barely out of college will seem "old" to high school students just a few years younger, for ex.
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Originally Posted by spencgr
Why is this concern just about the age of the mother and not the age of the father?
Because mothers get blamed for everything, and credit for almost nothing.
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Originally Posted by Tominftl
Who at 40+ has the energy for kids? You have kids when you have the energy to keep up with them.
The reason I ask is because a woman I know recently had twins at 44! I don't know much regarding the circumstances, but even so, is that not selfish considering you are far more likely to have children with mental and/or physical disabilities at that age not to mention even if they aren't born with issues you will be far older when they graduate high school and aren't likely to be able to run around and play with them or keep up with them as if you were younger? It also must be very embarrassing for the kids to have such an old mother.
No, it is not. It may have been decades ago, but with improvements in medicine and life expectancy that is not the case today.
The reason I ask is because a woman I know recently had twins at 44! I don't know much regarding the circumstances, but even so, is that not selfish considering you are far more likely to have children with mental and/or physical disabilities at that age not to mention even if they aren't born with issues you will be far older when they graduate high school and aren't likely to be able to run around and play with them or keep up with them as if you were younger? It also must be very embarrassing for the kids to have such an old mother.
I don't know, is it presumptious to wonder why others actually make choices for their own lives without consulting random strangers to get their opinion and permission?
Perhaps you are embarrassed but the children have no idea what that word means until it is taught to them by someone who is possibly shallow, narrow minded and a busy body.
I was almost 40 when I had my youngest. I had no problem keeping up with him. Or with his almost-nine-year-old brother. By that time, the baby's other three brothers had already aged out and were living on their own.
I managed to keep it together during a split with their Dad, and bought a car, bought a house, shuttled kids back and forth to hockey practices, games, school functions and the usual nagging to "clean up your room", "hang up your towel", "bring up that math grade", etc.; working full-time and taking college courses.
At 56, I discovered quite by accident that I had a talent for acting/comedy and embarked on a series of stage plays, independent movies, stand-up AND a full-time job; all the while keeping the house running for the young men.
Today, I'm 81, the youngest has a family of his own (with two daughters - 15 and 12 - and his own little surprise, a 23 month old son) and yet he still manages to find time to make sure I'm still vertical. Other sons help with chores that they believe I can't handle. While I still drive, shop, cook, do laundry, clean - ahem - and try not to bother anyone. Last Summer was the first year I didn't cut my own grass - #2 son showed up every week to do it. I sometimes think that I'll see if I can still do it but I'm afraid if they find out I can, the help will go away!
I have never asked anyone to concern themselves with my choices as long as they don't have to cover for me. We have always paid our own way and try to give back where and when we can.
TO the OP, do you have to take care of the twins? Contribute to their financial support? If not, it would probably be best to take the time to figure out why you resent their birth(s).
You seem to have done a great job at raising and enjoying a wonderful family! Kudos!
They may want to have a child after 40 because they've worked and prayed for 15-20 years to have a baby.
Were your mother's problems caused by her age? Or why wasn't she equipped to be a parent?
We are all certain that she was bipolar but she had other problems that none of us have ever been able to pin-point, and others that I'd rather just not get into. She was not a physically active parent, she was out of shape, and she was "old" for her years. Then she had me, an ADHD child that fought her tooth and nail over everything, resulting in a lot of abuse due to frustration on her part. I envied the other kids that had younger, more sane, mothers, although I would have been a handful for anybody.
We had a neighbor who wanted a baby when she was in her 40's and she didn't deal with it well either. Mom though she was having a nervous breakdown, but maybe it was hormonal?
I grew into adulthood dead set again having children past a certain age, and I got my tubes tied at age 33. Never regretted it.
On the other end of the coin, I have a bunch of nieces that got pregnant in their teens and it derailed some of their lives. It can be the fastest road to poverty for some of these girls. But if they can raise their children without starting over again with more babies later, they will still be young when the kids leave home.
I'm 44. I am done having kids (I had the first at 32 and the second a day before I turned 35). But I think if I had one (or two) now, my husband and I would be very capable of it. We're in a great spot financially, very secure, well-insured, well-educated. in good physical shape, etc.
I was almost 40 when I had my youngest. I had no problem keeping up with him. Or with his almost-nine-year-old brother. By that time, the baby's other three brothers had already aged out and were living on their own.
I managed to keep it together during a split with their Dad, and bought a car, bought a house, shuttled kids back and forth to hockey practices, games, school functions and the usual nagging to "clean up your room", "hang up your towel", "bring up that math grade", etc.; working full-time and taking college courses.
At 56, I discovered quite by accident that I had a talent for acting/comedy and embarked on a series of stage plays, independent movies, stand-up AND a full-time job; all the while keeping the house running for the young men.
Today, I'm 81, the youngest has a family of his own (with two daughters - 15 and 12 - and his own little surprise, a 23 month old son) and yet he still manages to find time to make sure I'm still vertical. Other sons help with chores that they believe I can't handle. While I still drive, shop, cook, do laundry, clean - ahem - and try not to bother anyone. Last Summer was the first year I didn't cut my own grass - #2 son showed up every week to do it. I sometimes think that I'll see if I can still do it but I'm afraid if they find out I can, the help will go away!
I have never asked anyone to concern themselves with my choices as long as they don't have to cover for me. We have always paid our own way and try to give back where and when we can.
TO the OP, do you have to take care of the twins? Contribute to their financial support? If not, it would probably be best to take the time to figure out why you resent their birth(s).
Sounds like you made the right choices for yourself, congratulations. Myself I have no interest in raising children my whole adult life. As long as everyone is happy with their choices that's all that matters.
Since, as you say, you don't know her story I don't think that you're positioned to judge. Maybe she's dealt with infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss for the last two decades. You just never know and, as such, the only thing you should be doing is wishing her well with her new additions
The reason I ask is because a woman I know recently had twins at 44! I don't know much regarding the circumstances, but even so, is that not selfish considering you are far more likely to have children with mental and/or physical disabilities at that age not to mention even if they aren't born with issues you will be far older when they graduate high school and aren't likely to be able to run around and play with them or keep up with them as if you were younger? It also must be very embarrassing for the kids to have such an old mother.
I don't think so. Mothers had been having children at this age for centuries.
It's better than the opposite scenario - teenagers having babies.
I agree! with all the birth control available now, you'd think things would change but it doesn't.
As for having a child later in life, I hope the parents are in GOOD shape and ready to deal with teenagers when they are in their late 50's. Teenagers are the cause of many of my grey hairs and wrinkles LOL Not my idea of having kids, thanks.
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While I still drive, shop, cook, do laundry, clean - ahem - and try not to bother anyone. Last Summer was the first year I didn't cut my own grass - #2 son showed up every week to do it. I sometimes think that I'll see if I can still do it but I'm afraid if they find out I can, the help will go away!
