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The whole concept is bizarre to me. I don't expect cards, gifts, or Mother's Day wishes from anyone except my own children, or, when they were too young, my husband. It would never in a million years occur to me to even send a text on Mother's Day, let alone a phone call or card or gift, to my sisters, sisters-in-law, and nieces who are mothers, as some people here have said they do. .
I don't do this, either. I know a lot of moms, and if I had to buy gifts for all of them on mother's day, I'd go broke.
The whole concept is bizarre to me. I don't expect cards, gifts, or Mother's Day wishes from anyone except my own children, or, when they were too young, my husband. It would never in a million years occur to me to even send a text on Mother's Day, let alone a phone call or card or gift, to my sisters, sisters-in-law, and nieces who are mothers, as some people here have said they do.
I would be concerned that for the OP to make a big to-do about her stepdaughter's "first mother's day" is going to lead to her expecting tribute on that day every year, or else her feelings will be hurt, because she is that type of person. I know people like that. They expect a party thrown for them when they announce they're pregnant, again when they reveal the gender, again when the baby is born, and then you have their own birthday and the baby's birthday which you have to to fuss over every year. And now Mother's Day too? Good grief, enough is enough.
I also had a stepmother, since I was a young child, that I always acknowledged with a card or gift on mother's day. When I was a teen, I would make sure my younger half siblings always went out and got her a card, especially as my dad was not always able to do so. When I was a first time mom, she sent me an awesome gift and card for my first mother's day. It meant a lot to me that she acknowledged me and her grandaughter in such a way, and she even mentioned in the card how much she appreciated that I took her kids to get her a present. It is hard maintaining a stepparent/stepchild relationship, if a card or gift in return helps an otherwise thoughtful stepdaughter get over hurt feelings so be it.
If the child is too young, then the husband/father should do something to honor the mother of his child. Why would it fall on the step mother who lives in another state?
Well, there was a bit of sarcasm in my post about the one year old, but really, the child is going to be too young for many years to get a gift. I would presume the child's father did do something to honor the mother. However, many of us have posted that it is entirely appropriate for others to do so as well.
That said, I do think the young mom was rude for letting it be known that she expected a gift. I think it would be good to know exactly what transpired, just how the step-mom found out about this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret
". Miss Manners is braced for the onslaught of letters she receives after every Mother’s Day from disgruntled mothers who expected to be paid tribute not only by their children, but by nearly everyone else, including their own mothers.
Ladies, this is unseemly. Mother’s Day is for children to show appreciation of their mothers. (Unless the mothers object, as Miss Manners’ own dear mother emphatically did. Her position was that acknowledging it would concede that there are 364 days in the year when children do not have to pay tribute"
I agree completely with Miss Manners, quoted above.
I have noticed that some of the people I have known in my life who brag about the great things they do on the Hallmark holidays have sometimes appeared to me to be less than generous in their actions towards their family members on those other 364 days of the year.
I find Miss Manners a bit of a prig, except when I agree with her, and then of course she's totally correct!
My vote is for getting something for your own mother. Your mother-in-law will fall into that category but that will be from the couple. Dads should always help their kids get something for Mom, even if they're divorced; if Dad's not around someone else should fill that role until the kids are old enough to handle it themselves. Stepmothers who were around when the kids were children should continue to get something but no need to send a Mother's Day anything to dad's third wife you've only met twice. It's nice, but not required to acknowledge mothers "downstream" when you're their kids grandparent.
Whether "something" indicates a call, a card, candy, a cruise, a Cadillac or a castle in the Alps depends on what is customary and affordable for the family involved.
I think it would have been nice to acknowledge her first Mother's Day with a heartfelt card or thoughtful, meaningful gift. Nothing outrageous, just words of wisdom, or a note of encouragement, or some little token. Something to acknowledge that this was a big day for her.
But I think it's a huge deal that you didn't. It doesn't sound like she'll harbor a grudge. Just that she wanted you to know she was disappointed. Hopefully that's the end of it.
The whole concept is bizarre to me. I don't expect cards, gifts, or Mother's Day wishes from anyone except my own children, or, when they were too young, my husband. It would never in a million years occur to me to even send a text on Mother's Day, let alone a phone call or card or gift, to my sisters, sisters-in-law, and nieces who are mothers, as some people here have said they do.
I would be concerned that for the OP to make a big to-do about her stepdaughter's "first mother's day" is going to lead to her expecting tribute on that day every year, or else her feelings will be hurt, because she is that type of person. I know people like that. They expect a party thrown for them when they announce they're pregnant, again when they reveal the gender, again when the baby is born, and then you have their own birthday and the baby's birthday which you have to to fuss over every year. And now Mother's Day too? Good grief, enough is enough.
Bizarre to me also and I agree with you - enough already! I guess it shows how different families can be. Some are much gift oriented to the point of greed IMO. I also think it is a generational thing as the "older" generation seemed to be much more low-key in their expectations.
OP, you verbally acknowledged your step-daughter on Mother's Day. I only gifted my own mother on Mother's Day and my husband gifted his. My children always make my Mother's Day special, as my husband did when they were babies. It would never occur to me to recognize sisters, nieces, etc. - good heavens, where does it stop?
Count me in as another one of those who doesn't get the gift thing. Even for my own self - my son would ask me what I wanted when he was younger and I explained to him that the only thing I'd like was for him to be nice and well behaved (his normal self, thankfully). Now (he's 14) he doesn't bother asking if I want something, he just tells me Happy Mother's Day and is his normal, nice self all day. I called my mom (in another state) to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and my husband called his mom (who lives nearby and we see weekly) to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.
I'm 37, so I'm probably not considered an "older generation" but this whole gift for everything on every holiday for everyone has gotten, imo, out of hand.
The above is true, but the stepdaughter has already included the stepmother (who is not her mother of grandmother) by getting her gifts/cards on mother's day. Given that the stepmother already accepted gifts which are outside the most traditional definition of the holiday, it is not surprising that the daughter would expect her to participate as well.
Except a stepmother does fall within the catagory of mother's day. Especially a stepmother who has been in the person's life since childhood.
I don't have strong feelings about this either way. To each their own. BUT...I don't really see how one's daughter/stepdaughter falls into "everyone" "every person you know" "gifts for all" category several of y'all have mentioned...?
This one daughter has their one grandchild. It doesn't seem like an extreme stretch to have sent her a family photo from her childhood in a nice frame, or a spa gift card, or a family recipe collection, or cozy pair of slippers, with a sincere and heartfelt note expressing parental pride and joy at the opportunity to share this holiday together now that daughter has joined the ranks of mothers.
Not necessary, but not crazy either. This isn't "anybody and everybody," this is OP and husband's daughter/stepdaughter.
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