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Why do I have to cite that? I thought that was obvious, for people who are observant.
I've had friends go through this, and know historically when babies are raised by caring nannies, they prefer their caregiver. I know that daycare workers have a dilemma to contend with - they want to be a good caregiver, but if the baby bonds too closely parents get jealous and switch daycares.
But ok. It only took me 10 seconds to google a Forbes article that very clearly states this paradox:
An excerpt:
A lot of the relationships between mothers and caregivers in the book focus on jealousy over-attachment between the caregiver and the child. When an upset child reaches for a shadow mother over her real mother, what is the mother going through?
The moms went through a range of emotions. There’s a sense for most women that it hurts, that their first impulse was to always want to be the one their baby sought for comfort. That’s understandable.
Common sense...babies are not stupid, they understand who provides them love, interaction, and nourishment the vast majority of the time. If you think 1.5-2 hours of mommy time is going to compete with the nanny's 8 hours of time, your foolish.
Child care costs depends on your location. If you are a planner, I am sure you are a good researcher. Just research it. The type you choose will depend on the results of your research and personal preference. I don't think a forum is a good place to look for this information because it is very personal.
I know someone just a year older than you who has a baby who is almost a year. Her husband is about a decade older than her and they both work full time, not from home. She has a really great job and loves her career. They have a nanny who comes to their home and stays with the baby all day. I don't know how much it costs and I don't know her well enough to feel comfortable asking, but you have a great salary and with your husband's on top of it, you could probably afford it easily.
However, this nanny recently suffered an injury leaving her unable to work so now the parents are kind of scrambling. This is something to consider, the chance that the nanny could get hurt or sick and be unable to work, but the chances are probably pretty small. This person's story was the first of the kind I'd heard, but it was something I had never thought of. At that point, finding a daycare is an option; but if you go with a daycare from the get go, you wouldn't have to ever worry about the nanny being out for any reason - even a short but serious illness you wouldn't want your baby around (flu) because often daycares have multiple employees.
I personally have always thought that a nanny is a better option. I don't have kids but when I do I hope I will have the means to be able to hire a nanny who could come to my house each day. I am in school getting a professional degree so I will also want to work and have a career, and hopefully have good money as well. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to maintain your career AND have a family. I'm not going to school for a total of 7 years for nothing, just to give it up because some people still believe a mother should be a SAHM.
This post is a great reminder to always have a plan B when it comes to kids. What happens if the nanny gets sick? Who stays home? When the kids are older and in school and one or both gets sick. Who will stay home? That's something that you should discuss before having kids and not when it happens and you're scrambling and you discover that you both have something work wise to do that can't be missed.
Why do I have to cite that? I thought that was obvious, for people who are observant.
I've had friends go through this, and know historically when babies are raised by caring nannies, they prefer their caregiver. I know that daycare workers have a dilemma to contend with - they want to be a good caregiver, but if the baby bonds too closely parents get jealous and switch daycares.
But ok. It only took me 10 seconds to google a Forbes article that very clearly states this paradox:
An excerpt:
A lot of the relationships between mothers and caregivers in the book focus on jealousy over-attachment between the caregiver and the child. When an upset child reaches for a shadow mother over her real mother, what is the mother going through?
The moms went through a range of emotions. There’s a sense for most women that it hurts, that their first impulse was to always want to be the one their baby sought for comfort. That’s understandable.
It is not fact. It is opinion, fear and certainly possibly happens. That is not fact. And you cited an opinion piece not a study supporting it as fact.
Child care costs depends on your location. If you are a planner, I am sure you are a good researcher. Just research it. The type you choose will depend on the results of your research and personal preference. I don't think a forum is a good place to look for this information because it is very personal.
I think an internet forum is a great place for a question like this. She could certainly do a search of daycares and nannies in her area, and the cost, but that won't tell her things that people who have experienced this can tell her, and help her make her choice.
Childless couples really don't usually get how "present" a toddler is in a home, and how it's really very difficult to work from home unless you've set it up with that in mind because children are LOUD.
Better to know that ahead of time, IMHO, than discover it later.
It is not fact. It is opinion, fear and certainly possibly happens. That is not fact. And you cited an opinion piece not a study supporting it as fact.
I sense I've really hit a nerve here, and I didn't intend to.
This is a consideration, for a mom weighing the options of a full time nanny, vs. commercial day care. You can expect, if the nanny is caring, that the baby will prefer the comfort of the nanny.
If they don't, look a little harder at the nanny.
Again, sorry for whatever nerve I stepped on. I just think she should know to expect this, if she chooses this route, and consider that when she decides on her options. Because realistically, nanny care probably is the best option but she'd have to prepare herself for that moment when the baby reaches for the nanny instead of her.
Oh another option is an au pair. Our neighbors are both busy in their careers. They have a new au pair every year from the UK. Its always a young woman. She does everything, I have actually only seen the parents once. But she seems to get 9-3 off while the kids are in school but does mornings and evenings and weekends. Its another option if you are interested in a live-in nanny.
I sense I've really hit a nerve here, and I didn't intend to.
This is a consideration, if you hire a nanny. You can expect, if the nanny is caring, that the baby will prefer the comfort of the nanny.
If they don't, look a little harder at the nanny.
Again, sorry for whatever nerve I stepped on.
Again with "the baby will"
The baby may.
And since there currently is no baby, it's a long way off from skinning it's knee. The child will most likely learn to go to the nanny or caregiver during the time he or she is in her care and the parent during non-work hours. Which is appropriate and not a matter of preference.
I work for a global company and have never heard of this. Do you have an example of a company doing this? I know quite a few people that work from home for different companies.
I work for a major health insurance company and work full time at home. We have to sign a "telework agreement" and it specifically states that you are not to use telework as a daycare resource.
Of course, I am sure some managers may or may not enforce this. But when my children were younger infant/toddler age they went to daycare.
In all reality it is very hard to put in a full day's work with a newborn and toddler around.
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