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I was bullied from 4th grade until 12th. As I have discovered, I have a very mild case of Aspergers. With this condition you don't always do the right things and when you are the slightest bit different you get bullied. In Junior high, 7th -9th grade, I had my share of tormentors and in Senior high I was picked on because I was Jewish. I had a "protector" in senior high who happened to be the top "tough kid" in the school. He took a liking to me because we would chat in homeroom and study hall. Once in homeroom someone picked on me and he whispered something in the kids ear, the kid turned white as a sheet and transferred to a different school the next day. Being bullied ruined my life, I went from being an outgoing kid to an introverted, scared and isolated individual.
Without any evidence of bullying the principal & school district isn't going to do anything. Threaten to sue all you like, but you lack any evidence to win such a suit, and the school district will know it.
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First, be honest with yourself -- is your son actually a crybaby? If so, where did he learn this behaviour? If so, what can you do as a mom to get your son on a different path?
Second, recognize that violence has resolved more conflicts in the history of mankind than all other methods of conflict resolution combined. Whomever said, "Violence never solves anything" is misinformed, sadly mistaken, and clearly not a student of either history or human behaviour.
As a mom, you need to help your son learn to man-up. When the bully says things, he needs to learn to reply in kind -- "yeah, well you're so ugly your mama puts a pork chop around your neck just to get a dog to go near you" "you're so dumb you don't know which end of the screwdriver to hold..." "a no-armed midget can throw a softball farther than you..." etc. He needs to become skilled at verbal jousting. The other kids will start to laugh at your son's jokes.
Is your son involved in sports -- specifically team sports? It is definitely time to get him involved. Being on a team might be one of the best things you can do right now. Any team. It is a great way to learn how to interact with other kids his age.
Finally, it is time to get your son involved in self-defense classes. This will definitely boost his confidence and he will learn about self control and responsibility.
The poster #33 sounds harsh, but it's a very good advice. In life, when you were not born tough and get bullied all the times, you have to learn to be tough and stand up for yourself.
When you are too soft, too timid, too kind, some people will bully and take advantage of you. You need to train yourself to be strong and assertive.
In your son's case, you can talk to the father or the mother. Not all parents are on their children's side if they are good parents and know what their children do bad to other kids.
When my son was in the first grade, he got to know this boy at the school bus stop. This boy was one grade higher than my son, and he was quite popular at the bus stop. He saw my son had many Pokemon cards that he liked. He tried to trade the cards that he liked, with the ones he had and did not like, with my son. My son knew that was not a good trade, so he disagreed. But the boy told my son if he would not trade with him, he would not be friend with my son anymore. My son was afraid he would lose that 'friend', so he talked to me. I phoned the boy's father. He said he would talk to his son. After that my son did not have to trade the cards with that boy; and they still talked with each other at the bus stop.
Always do talk and observe what's going on in your child's life. Especially when he's quiet, the more you need to get involved and try to make him to talk.
I felt heart broken when saw on the news many children did not talk to their parents, and suddenly something sad happened.
Thanks! You all have some wonderful ideas. I am already volunteering as much as I can - I take a day off work every month to do so. And the teacher is overall great, I just think with the class sizes they can't possibly see everything. I've talked to my son about it how he doesn't know what's going on in that boy's home life and that we should be empathetic. We have also invited the boy to his birthday party in hopes that would improve the relationship. Unfortunately there's no way to change classes without totally changing calendars and with new legislation in our state that's nearly impossible. We are on a break right now but if it continues afterwards I will definitely start involving everyone at the school to fix it.
You are teaching your son that some kids are allowed to misbehave because of XYZ. Telling him to feel bad for the other kid and then inviting him to a party??? So, your son learns that treating people like crap is OK, and in fact you get rewarded by going to a party!
No. No child should treat another child badly. Ever. And the only way to UNlearn bad behavior is to show there are consequences for it.
You should be teaching your child that the other child is WRONG. That's it. Save the empathy lesson for another example. This is how bullies are CREATED when no one ever says NO.
Time to move up the food chain. The teacher has said that s/he hasn't seen a problem. Your next step is to ask for a meeting with the teacher and the principal together to discuss the matter. If there's a guidance counselor at the school, ask for them to be included, too. Have specific issues: "When I picked him up from school at 3:05 on Tuesday, he was sobbing uncontrollably." No one in the car pool line noticed this kid sobbing his heart out or asked "What's wrong?" "On Wednesday, Bully Boy told ( ), ( ) and ( ) on the playground during recess that if they played with my son, he would not be their friend."
Details. Specifics.
Meanwhile, help your son learn to stand up for himself. There are always going to be bullies, from kindergarten all the way through the old age home. This is a life skill he needs to master. As he gets older and wiser, hopefully he will learn to use his words cleverly instead of his fists. When my son was physically bullied in 5th grade, the dean of the middle school told me that if my son took a swing at the bully, it was ok with him. I was horrified -- violence?! Looking back on it, I'm not so sure it wasn't good advice. It would have certainly be cathartic. Of course, these days, my son is 6'3"/210 -- no one is going to be picking on him. Did it "damage his self-esteem" forever? Hardly.
Bullying is a hot topic for schools these days. Trying to differentiate between normal, clumsy child interactions and bullying is sometimes difficult. What may be bullying to one sensitive child may just roll off the back of another child with a tougher psyche.
I'm not sure I would immediately bypass the teacher. How much longer will he be in her class? I would not give her another chance to ignore this but I wouldn't want to antagonize her either if your son has to be with her for months. I would instead e-mail saying that the situation is getting worse and that you want to set up a meeting with her and the principal asap. State that the bullying you discussed with her on X date has not only continued but worsened. Maybe mention that it is causing school to be an unsafe place for him. Make sure it's in writing that you have already spoken about this and that nothing has changed. Bullying. Previously discussed. Unsafe place. Use their buzz words to get them listening.
Sorry horrible advice. The teacher is already aware of the issue and isn't doing a thing about it.
I do agree with other posters that have said teach your child to stand up for himself, and he shouldn't put up with the bully's behavior. It doesn't always work (my son's case) but it is an important lesson.
You are teaching your son that some kids are allowed to misbehave because of XYZ. Telling him to feel bad for the other kid and then inviting him to a party??? So, your son learns that treating people like crap is OK, and in fact you get rewarded by going to a party!
No. No child should treat another child badly. Ever. And the only way to UNlearn bad behavior is to show there are consequences for it.
You should be teaching your child that the other child is WRONG. That's it. Save the empathy lesson for another example. This is how bullies are CREATED when no one ever says NO.
She can teach him both at the same time. We don't know what is happening in his home life to make him act like this but his behavior is wrong and you don't have to take it. It doesn't always have to be one or the other.
She can teach him both at the same time. We don't know what is happening in his home life to make him act like this but his behavior is wrong and you don't have to take it. It doesn't always have to be one or the other.
By giving a reason for his behavior and them inviting the bully to a party it shows that bullying behavior should be rewarded.
There is NO other way for a child to see it. An adult can *understand* the underlying reasons. A child cannot, especially one in 1st grade. All he sees is conflicting information. Bullying = pity = rewards. That's the chain in play. what he SHOULD see is Bullying = negative consequence.
After negative consequence has occurred and the behavior has changed THEN the bully has earned the right to go to a party because the bad behavior is gone.
I would see the Principal now... during the break... and talk with the teacher again. So everyone is on the same page once school restarts. Everyone must agree that this must not continue.
Sometimes.... I just really hate kids. Childhood can be made so miserable, so easily....
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