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Old 05-08-2008, 05:00 PM
29 posts, read 99,869 times
Reputation: 38


I think it's rare that the parent that has primary custody of the children gets the full ordered child support payments. I didn't want anything from my ex husband but found out that you can't leave out child support and regardless if you want anything or not, it will be ordered. The child support amount that was specified was decided for me since I refused to ask anything of him. He has never paid the full ordered child support, actually pays a fraction of that amount but I don't care. I am not bitter about it, I still expect nothing of him and maybe my thinking on it is backwards, but I refuse to spend my life bitter, angry and constantly fighting for something that isn't going to happen nor was wanted or expected. The money he does send goes straight to the kids and I would have absolutely no problem documenting it and giving it to him. Each and everyone of my kids will always have what they need afterall, I don't need to go to a saloon and get my hair done every week, get a manicure and pedicure, or buy fancy clothes. That stuff has never mattered to me. What does matter to me is the well being of my kids and that they are happy. Anything else like designer labels and such is just superficial nonsense I refuse to buy into.
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:09 PM
Location: Watertown,NY
9 posts, read 15,400 times
Reputation: 13
Default Update on Kids

Been awhile since I last posted on here and ye may as awell say I have lost all 3 of my kids now,last year I sacraficed and worked double shifts and my days off so I could pay for my oldest sons plane ticket and I did and the first time he could not make the flight was due to the weather and so we decided to try for his birthday (Valentines Days) and again the weather was an issue and then the 3rd time we set it for him to arrive the day before Mothers day and I was so excited because I had not seen my son since he was 10 yrs old when I had moved to Anchorage,well the day he was suppose to arrive i had asked my husband to call my son to make sure he got off the island and got to the mainland so that way he would not miss his flight but he let me down,he instead used his traveling money to party,he got drunk and missed his flight and of course I was disappointed and got a bad feeling but we decided to try for a 4th time to bring him here for christmas this past year and from May to Dec 2008 I called once a week and he never let on that he had no intention of coming to NY but that last 2 weeks prior to his flight I called and he didn't answer so I then would text him and still no reply well then the day before he was to fly here I called again and even called his work place and still nothing so I scapped christmas and on christmas day I was so hurt and just wanted to be left alone and then finally back in March of this year i wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and that I would no longer bother him and I wont,of course my son never called or wrote back so I have thrown in the towel and will no longer have any contact with any of my kids.

My heart is broke!
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:32 AM
1 posts, read 2,047 times
Reputation: 10
Please some advice... I had a baby with a guy we were together for six years i left him and took my 6 month old daughter with me (of course), when i left he had no where to stay and my brother let him stay there while he got on his feet, during his stay there he got real friendly with my brothers wife and in the end they both ended up "falling in love" and left with each other. I filed for child support 6 months ago when i knew he was living in florida which is where i live. Now he lives in Alabama and i spoke with the child support office and they said that the process takes about another year, and if he moves again it will take about another year, Im so lost and confused i dont know what to do, he dosent provide nothing for his daughter,he works and has money but now it seems like there is no one to help me
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Old 06-04-2009, 01:30 PM
213 posts, read 596,004 times
Reputation: 172
Default i know the feeling

oh my gosh, don't even get me started on my daughter's father. She is six and hasn't seen a dime. child support in georgia threatened to close my case due to non coroporation...bs its frustrating and sad how he does his daughter, however she will be ok.
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Old 06-04-2009, 01:41 PM
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,640,353 times
Reputation: 22444
I will give you words of encouragement here . These kids will be so much better without these so called parents in their lives my boys did and your kids will too . they will also be a better parent to their kids because of what they have gone through . And if you ask me child support enforcement in every state stinks and dont even know why they are even there . They are useless and taking up our airspace . They should be shut down . Good luck to all of u.
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Old 06-04-2009, 09:50 PM
1,670 posts, read 5,695,159 times
Reputation: 1178
Originally Posted by tnvolfan1971 View Post
I feel for you. My husband is currently serving "time" for getting behind in his child support for 2 children from his first marriage. He was let go from what we thought was a permanent job and he had trouble finding another one, so he got behind, but was sending what we could come up with out of my paycheck after bills. After missing 3 "full" payments, his ex called the child support enforcement and complained, next thing we know my hubby is in jail for not paying child support. All they would tell us is because he had not been making regular payments, a warrant was issued when his ex complained. No warning at all. He was picked up in May of this year and is still there. We have no clue when he is coming home. Meanwhile I have been raising our children by myself on what little I make. It has been hard because I just had our 2nd child together in July. He missed the birth, her 1st Christmas. She is 5 months old and he has never held her. His ex is complaining how she is not getting any money, well duh you called and complained, you were the one that help put him there. She thinks she will be able to get all the back child support once we file our income tax, but I am one step ahead of her. Instead of filing jointly we are filing seperately because frankly I don't think she deserves my hard earned money. (hubby's idea because he feels the same way) She screwed herself by complaining instead of working with us to get him caught up.
It's because of women like you that men try to skip on their payment. You knew he had children before you married him and he had an obligation to pay for them. You choose to file separately to avoid paying his ex any money. This is selfish and one reason why you are suffering now--your hubby is in jail and you are alone with two children. You yourself could be in the exes shoes at any time. If you wanted your husband caught up, you yourself should've made some sort of payment for him and explained to her he is out of work. No matter if you or he think she screwed herself, he's still obligated to paying her support. So when he's released, his payments just got into more arrears. Instead of acting crazy, your husband should've went to court to decrease his payments until he found a job.
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Old 06-06-2009, 10:56 AM
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,221,161 times
Reputation: 2772
I am not reading all the posts to see if anyone posted this but kids of disabled parents DO get bennifits.. Check it out here..Benefits For Children
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Old 06-07-2009, 02:17 AM
Location: bay area
241 posts, read 699,722 times
Reputation: 120
I had co-worker who had a baby with a psycho, it turned out bad though, he pays child support but has never seen the child. She will be 3yrs old in august.
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Old 09-30-2009, 01:12 PM
Location: In my skin
8,869 posts, read 13,844,225 times
Reputation: 8718
OP, you need to stay on top of it. Annoy the heck out them. As far as I recall, even if they have no job, they will impute an amount similar to what he normally makes and add that to the bill. You may not be able to get it right away, or at all, but you have to make as much noise as possible. He will be held accountable, whether it being financially, by levy, or through jail time. See to it that there is a consequence, if nothing else.

I think parents should live up to their responsibilities 100% or give up their parental rights. I don't mean when someone loses a job. I'm talking about people avoid paying it. If you don't make a difference or cause nothing but grief, step off.

Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Child Support "Enforcement".......what about "Enforcement" of what is done with the Child Support money? The money is "suppose" to be used for the well-being of the child, not for the ex-spouse to go out and "party" with, buy them new clothes or anything else that is not "child related".
I understand your position completely and it is unfortunate. But I have also heard this from guys who saw it as money going to the ex as opposed to supporting their child. What they spend on themselves will have to come out of their pockets at some point. So really, once you pay your support, be done with it, unless your child is starving and going without.

Originally Posted by cecelia View Post
I'm a Mom that pays child support...now. My ex-H and I are good friends, and our kids have always been well taken care of, ie financially, mentally and physically. The state(OH) came after me, threatening jail because I was late paying...it wasn't my ex. In fact he showed up at the court telling them not to put me in jail. This is what I found out, the state ALSO has their hand in my paycheck via "poundage" fee, and it was THEM who wanted their money not my ex! This child support thing is WAY out of hand...the state shouldn't even have to be involved.
The state shouldn't have to be involved, but they don't want to pay to raise a child either.

People should really think about caring for the child before having one, not after...(I know, I know sometimes it "just happened" But that's why there's birth control out there!).
Not that simple and not reality, but I agree.

Originally Posted by MoMark View Post
Child support should be audited and documented in how it is spent. There should be someone who reviews the expenses and makes sure that any child support received is spent solely on the child and the parent receiving it be held accountable for it. That receiving parent should be made to document and record each expense and then be able to show proof of how it relates to the child. Any child support should be barred from being deposited in any account but a special bank account specifically set up to receive it, so any contributions to it as well as deductions for expenses is documented officially as well.
This position usually comes from someone who has been burned (unfortunate), someone who doesn't want to pay and/or someone who isn't really concerned about the welfare of their kids as much as parting with their money.

Most people don't seem to understand what it takes to raise a child day to day. And there are those who think children should only be given the bare essentials. Yes, people abuse their child support, it sucks. But what kind of parent begrudges supporting their child, nickel and diming, wanting to see receipts for every candy bar you bought for the kid? Sad.
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Old 09-30-2009, 01:15 PM
Location: In my skin
8,869 posts, read 13,844,225 times
Reputation: 8718
Originally Posted by happeemommee View Post
I SO agree with you! After my DH sent his last payment (almost 4K, right after losing his job-thinking we'd be left alone for awhile) he calls to talk to his child and we find out, not only are they (the ex, her new hubby, DH child and the ex's other child) going on a cruise to mexico, but when they get there they are going to rent a flipping submarine. We are in the process of being evicted, (he still can't find a job) we don't have enough food in the house, we're almost out of propane and they are going to Mexico and renting a sub?!! Why is that right?! And why should we be paying for the ex to take her new hubby and a child that isn't my hubby's to Mexico?!! It just makes me so angry. I try not to dwell on it and I know things will work out, but I'm about at the breaking point. She has never had to work, and when they first split up, she spent the money he sent for the CARE of his child, on pot and acid, and now she's cleaned up her act, but now instead of paying for drugs, we're paying for her to go on a cruise?! I'm really trying not to be bitter, but at this point in time it's just not working...
I really hate when people do this. Please know that I am not trying to be mean but this is the reality of it.

When you owe back support, the other parent is covering your slack during the time you aren't paying. So your DH is actually reimbursing them. It is THEIR money. If they choose to go somewhere tropical and rent a submarine, they can and they should.

It would be nice if they allowed you more time considering your situation, but they don't have to and you shouldn't really expect it. Your financial issues at home doesn't make them less entitled to go on vacation.

The fact that she doesn't work is not eally your concern either. That is a decision she made with her husband. Your hubby is still responsible for his child, regardless of what they decide in their home. Her other child is just as much her child as your DH's child is. She likely has support for that child as well. If not, it is her new hubby taking responsibility, not your husband. Why you feel your husband is paying their way eludes me, unless I missed something.
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