U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-17-2010, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Watertown,NY
9 posts, read 15,426 times
Reputation: 13

Advertisements

Update since I was last here,I now have lost all my children due to their fathers bitterness,after I was diagnosed with cancer I got the treatment i needed and went back to work,well 2 yrs ago I had worked my butt off so I could pay for our first borns airline ticket,I was so dam happy that i was doing a happy dance because it would have been our first x-mas together since he was 6 yrs old and 2 yrs ago he was 22,well 1 week before x-mas I had called and texted him and got no reploes,I started getting a bad feeling and 2 days befotre he was to fly here I asked his grandmother to please have him call me,he didn't,well I lost $2,000.00 because I paid for the ticket online,it has been 2 yrs since this has happened and I still have not heard from him so I have completely thrown in the towel,I hate their dad and my daughter so much,I hope I never have to have anything to do with them again,to me they are dead!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-16-2012, 06:22 PM
 
1,094 posts, read 2,596,516 times
Reputation: 723
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I really hate when people do this. Please know that I am not trying to be mean but this is the reality of it.

When you owe back support, the other parent is covering your slack during the time you aren't paying. So your DH is actually reimbursing them. It is THEIR money. If they choose to go somewhere tropical and rent a submarine, they can and they should.

It would be nice if they allowed you more time considering your situation, but they don't have to and you shouldn't really expect it. Your financial issues at home doesn't make them less entitled to go on vacation.

The fact that she doesn't work is not eally your concern either. That is a decision she made with her husband. Your hubby is still responsible for his child, regardless of what they decide in their home. Her other child is just as much her child as your DH's child is. She likely has support for that child as well. If not, it is her new hubby taking responsibility, not your husband. Why you feel your husband is paying their way eludes me, unless I missed something.
Because that is what she told us. She said that she didn't NEED child support over and over again. Maybe you missed the part where she used to use the CHILD support for DRUGS. Should we be paying for that, too? Also, maybe you missed some of the other posts where my ex OWES me tons of money, and doesn't pay and gets a way with it. We have never disputed the fact that my husband should pay for his child - if she is indeed his child - there's a lot to this story you don't know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:20 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,670,750 times
Reputation: 5537
Quote:
Originally Posted by happeemommee View Post
I SO agree with you! After my DH sent his last payment (almost 4K, right after losing his job-thinking we'd be left alone for awhile) he calls to talk to his child and we find out, not only are they (the ex, her new hubby, DH child and the ex's other child) going on a cruise to mexico, but when they get there they are going to rent a flipping submarine. We are in the process of being evicted, (he still can't find a job) we don't have enough food in the house, we're almost out of propane and they are going to Mexico and renting a sub?!! Why is that right?! And why should we be paying for the ex to take her new hubby and a child that isn't my hubby's to Mexico?!! It just makes me so angry. I try not to dwell on it and I know things will work out, but I'm about at the breaking point. She has never had to work, and when they first split up, she spent the money he sent for the CARE of his child, on pot and acid, and now she's cleaned up her act, but now instead of paying for drugs, we're paying for her to go on a cruise?! I'm really trying not to be bitter, but at this point in time it's just not working...
Your husband made enough to pay 4k in childsupport monthly but not enough to actually have savings to weather a job loss ?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:21 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,670,750 times
Reputation: 5537
Courts will enact modifications due to a job loss.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:42 AM
 
1,094 posts, read 2,596,516 times
Reputation: 723
I wish he had enough to send 4K a month - nope. He sent his tax return - willingly. They didn't intercept it, but when he got it - he sent it because we thought it was the right thing to do. He has asked for a modification, and never once have they given it to him. He has always worked as hard as he could - taken any overtime he could get his hands on, and side jobs, etc to try and support my three kids and his own.

Part of this frustration is that my ex doesn't pay for his kids, and still takes trips to Aruba - and no one does anything to him, but my husband who has ALWAYS paid - even before there was an order to pay, because it was the right thing to do. But then when we have had genuine circumstances that meant we couldn't pay as much or a little late and they are all over him. He was in a head-on collison - not his fault - 6 weeks after I was in a car accident - neither of us could work - we had zero money coming in - but yet CS still came after him, and again, left my ex alone who was working under the table so as not to have to pay.

I understand what it's like to need the money and not get it from their "father". I am on that side of it, too. However, when I see a man struggling to do what is right, and WANT to send his child money - if she's even his child - and try to do the right thing, and get shot down and harassed every step of the way - it's not right. Whenever we had extra money - we would buy her clothes, shoes, give her spending money - whatever - but none of that was ever considered. She had to have surgery on her mouth - we paid 3/4 of the bill, and paid for her insurance, btw - but because we didn't find out about it until the last minute, we paid the dentist directly, instead of sending it through CS - which would have been the smart thing to do. But we didn't want her to wait to have the surgery, so we did it in a way that was best for the child. All the extras we send her - those don't get counted, and not that he should be rewarded for taking care of his kid - that's not at all what I'm saying - I just think the whole picture should be looked at, and it's not.

And again, he has had to see how much my kids suffered because their father turned into such a deadbeat and never wanted his daughter to go through that because he is a good person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:43 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,109,599 times
Reputation: 42377
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
Your husband made enough to pay 4k in childsupport monthly but not enough to actually have savings to weather a job loss ?
Not sure why the OP dredged this back up, but that post was from 2009 and her top post was from 2006. I'm sure a lot has happened since then.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:45 AM
 
1,094 posts, read 2,596,516 times
Reputation: 723
Julia - for some reason it popped up last night when I was on. I thought it was kinda weird, too, but saw comments to me that I hadn't seen so responded.

And you are so right - tons have happened since then!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:49 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,109,599 times
Reputation: 42377
Good things, I hope.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 10:55 AM
 
1,094 posts, read 2,596,516 times
Reputation: 723
Some good, some bad. LOL, almost all bad when it comes to money. One of my daughters - not my husbands - was injured in 2008 and has been chronically ill ever since - because my husband was at the hospital while she was in ICU - we weren't sure if she was going to make it - he was one of the first to lose his job. Because he was in construction - and 1099'd - he didn't qualify for unemployment, so we've been without a steady income since then. But we're doing the best we can.

He also decided - after filling out his 500th (not an exaggeration) that he would go back to school so we would never have to do this again. So he's trying to turn a negative into a positive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2012, 03:20 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,670,750 times
Reputation: 5537
Quote:
Originally Posted by happeemommee View Post
I wish he had enough to send 4K a month - nope. He sent his tax return - willingly. They didn't intercept it, but when he got it - he sent it because we thought it was the right thing to do. He has asked for a modification, and never once have they given it to him. He has always worked as hard as he could - taken any overtime he could get his hands on, and side jobs, etc to try and support my three kids and his own.

Part of this frustration is that my ex doesn't pay for his kids, and still takes trips to Aruba - and no one does anything to him, but my husband who has ALWAYS paid - even before there was an order to pay, because it was the right thing to do. But then when we have had genuine circumstances that meant we couldn't pay as much or a little late and they are all over him. He was in a head-on collison - not his fault - 6 weeks after I was in a car accident - neither of us could work - we had zero money coming in - but yet CS still came after him, and again, left my ex alone who was working under the table so as not to have to pay.

I understand what it's like to need the money and not get it from their "father". I am on that side of it, too. However, when I see a man struggling to do what is right, and WANT to send his child money - if she's even his child - and try to do the right thing, and get shot down and harassed every step of the way - it's not right. Whenever we had extra money - we would buy her clothes, shoes, give her spending money - whatever - but none of that was ever considered. She had to have surgery on her mouth - we paid 3/4 of the bill, and paid for her insurance, btw - but because we didn't find out about it until the last minute, we paid the dentist directly, instead of sending it through CS - which would have been the smart thing to do. But we didn't want her to wait to have the surgery, so we did it in a way that was best for the child. All the extras we send her - those don't get counted, and not that he should be rewarded for taking care of his kid - that's not at all what I'm saying - I just think the whole picture should be looked at, and it's not.

And again, he has had to see how much my kids suffered because their father turned into such a deadbeat and never wanted his daughter to go through that because he is a good person.
Eh I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time believing this story. I had my father read this and he said it's rare modifications are denied unless there is a repeat pattern of job loss, and or the court thinks the party asking for it is not telling the truth about finances. And also if you had 4 k that could have been applied to the child support for some time since most support payments are not that high. So i can't understand how you would send 4 k and the court would not take that into account .

I just get the feeling you were/are bitter over the situation and are lashing out over it. Anyway i don't feel the need to comment further, and hope you work things out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top