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Old 06-03-2017, 09:54 AM
959 posts, read 1,013,681 times
Reputation: 604


I'm not really sure where to post this, this is a very directed question. This question has been pondering my mind for awhile and just would like a view from the other side

  • Father and mother are millennials and just had a newborn baby child.
  • Both have 0 debt - pay everything off every month in full easily
  • They live a modest life - decent house ($300k), normal cars (low end Toyota/Honda/Ford/etc), no luxury goods, just a mellow normal life with no high expense taste
  • Only high expense is they love traveling and do it often, but that will probably change with a child
  • Father brings in $120-$150k year while mother brings in $50-$70k
  • Healthy savings
This new child is supposedly "everything" to them (you know how new parents are). Now my question is why doesn't the mother just take time off and take care of the baby full time for an extended time? I'm not saying retire, but esp when the baby is young and needs nurturing and attention, why not take an extended leave? Mother doesn't need to work per se (based on facts above). Reason I ask is because I see millienials these days are so focused on finding babysitters and getting straight back to work. It's great you have motivation and work ethics, but again you don't "need" to. Obviously your newborn child is not everything if you choose work over him/her

Last edited by unknown00; 06-03-2017 at 10:21 AM..

Old 06-03-2017, 10:20 AM
23 posts, read 8,649 times
Reputation: 94
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
Obviously you're newborn child is not everything if you choose work over him/her
Your, not you're. (You're is a contraction that means "you are"). But anyway, why does this matter. Are these people that you know? Why is it that only the woman is criticized for working, not the man.
Old 06-03-2017, 10:22 AM
959 posts, read 1,013,681 times
Reputation: 604
Originally Posted by churchpest View Post
Your, not you're. (You're is a contraction that means "you are"). But anyway, why does this matter. Are these people that you know? Why is it that only the woman is criticized for working, not the man.
Fixed typo sorry

Yes people I know, and not just several, but couple hundred are all based on the description. Not trying to criticize, just trying to get another perspective. I say woman take time off because she makes less, can switch salary & person around same question. I am asking this question out of curiosity
Old 06-03-2017, 10:23 AM
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,737,691 times
Reputation: 31039
There could be any number of reasons that you don't know about, and are none of your business. I do want to point out that "extended leave" does not exist in the US. You get 12 weeks of leave before they can give your job to someone else. Anything beyond that, and she'd have to quit and find another job later. That's not "leave."
Old 06-03-2017, 10:31 AM
Location: Florida
4,081 posts, read 3,064,397 times
Reputation: 8603
If mom takes the time off, she will lose any seniority she has in her career. In 10 years (figuring they have three kids and she stays home til the youngest is in kindergarten) she could end up needing to start over at the bottom of the totem pole, assuming she's still qualified in her field after a long hiatus. If the couple gets a divorce, she will have a hard time supporting herself after taking an extended leave and not putting away her own money.

I say this as a happily married (for almost 19 years) mom of two teens. I took off about 7 years and now I work part time as a freelancer while homeschooling. Ive seen several of my friends get to be about 40 years old and after 10-15 years of staying home with kids, want to get divorced and are having a very hard time. While I do think it's the best for the kids to have a parent home, I also think it's best for mom not to end up living in poverty if the marriage does not work out. I don't blame any woman for going back to work and I wish that maternity leave could be longer (maybe a year) so moms would not lose their positions after choosing to take a longer leave than 6-12 weeks.

Keep in mind that many millennials have seen their parents divorce and might have seen their moms really struggling.
Old 06-03-2017, 10:31 AM
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,792,833 times
Reputation: 14677
Parents doing what works for their family is no one's business but theirs.

I will say this as a person who shelved my career to stay home with the kids and has since had a series of part-time jobs; for most (not all) people it is career suicide to stay home with the kids, let's get real. There are not many jobs where you can take 10 years off and just walk back in without major effort or starting off from the bottom. For the most part I don't regret it, but it is the reality so I totally understand people choosing not to do it.
Old 06-03-2017, 10:31 AM
Location: Wisconsin
16,483 posts, read 15,923,785 times
Reputation: 38776
A lot depends on her job. With some jobs even taking a couple of years off would put you so behind on skills that it would be almost impossible to get rehired at a decent company. i know someone who had an extremely responsible computer/IT job who took off until their youngest was in school. She was never able to find a job back in her old field and ended up working as a salesclerk for a small fraction of her previous salary. She was very unhappy because those few years off (for her) meant that she was never able to return to the career that she loved. She will now spend several more decades working, but at jobs that she dislikes and at a fraction of the income.

It also depends on the woman. Your baby can mean "everything" to you and your career, and using your education and training, can also mean a lot to you.

BTW, switch the genders around in your post. If Mom made $120-$150,000 a year and Dad "only" made $50 to $70,000 would you be as quick to be wondering why Dad did not immediately quit his job to be a SAHP?
Old 06-03-2017, 10:32 AM
Location: detroit mi
667 posts, read 424,420 times
Reputation: 1579
Money is the answer, that's all it comes down to.
Old 06-03-2017, 10:52 AM
2,479 posts, read 1,297,013 times
Reputation: 2800
It has to do with career advancement. Very few careers are willing to hire you back if you take an extended hiatus. The exceptions may be nursing and teaching - I know in IT we contemplated it but I would have lost everything I worked so hard to build. Also there are factors like lifestyle that losing 50k+/year would definitely impact. And paying for retirement and children's college etc.
Old 06-03-2017, 11:00 AM
4,948 posts, read 6,874,679 times
Reputation: 7860
How bout they just want to and it's a personal choice on whether they wanna work or not. So what if they do? and so what if they dont?
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