19 year old daughter is out of control (university, friend, adult)
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Here's what you HAVE TO DO. Buy her a one-way ticket to Honolulu. https://www.google.com/flights/#sear...anta+to+hawaii(the one to which you can fly non-stop, on Delta, from Atlanta - giving her no chance to "convert the ticket", as bad kids frequently do, before she gets off the North American continent) Pay six months' rent for a dwelling in a place that's safe for your ethnicity ('Irish') https://www.trulia.com/for_rent/Hilo,HI/ , and give her twenty thou, "until she gets established".
Hopefully, she'll either find a man (or series of men) to leech-off-of, get a job, or die of an overdose. No longer your problem.
And believe me: this is better than dealing with the (probably mentally deficient) babies she'll be whelping-out (fathered by whatever got to her, at the moment her birth control wore-off), whenever she's told to "shape up or ship out".
One of my personal trainers has been telling me about all the worthless "Little Females" in his family: his sister... his step-sister... the tattooed witch who tricked him into impregnating her... Whenever they're presented with ultimata, like "Stop smokin' pot, an' git a job, or you're out of the house!", their little selves get pregnant. Works every time. They get to continue sitting on their ever-widening boohineys, eatin' PopTarts an' smokin' doobies.
And these are households where both adult breadwinners make six-figure salaries - or DID. What happens, when the whole household is trying to live off Maw-Maw & Paw-Paw's retirement - and there are no savings, because the "Little Females" have eaten-up every cent that would have gone into savings?
I used to own apartment complexes in Mississippi, and heard many a "Little Female" partygirl (mostly 'Irish', as your profile says you are) exclaiming, over the phone, to parents/grandparents - whoever she was manipulating, "But AH'M HAAAY-UH-VEE-IN' UH BUAAAAAAAAYBUAEEEEE!!!!"
And when your daughter's reproductive days are over, and you're elderly, the now-obese and infirm creature you call a 'daughter', will be using "the grandchildren" as human shields (to shield her bloated self from having to work, or having to quit smoking dope, or...). "If yeeeeeew don't ___________, yeeeeew may never see yerrrr grandchildren uh-geeeee-yin!"
Save yourself the grief, and ship her off to someplace from which she can't afford the plane ticket back to Atlanta.
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 06-14-2017 at 03:04 PM..
You pay for her life (clothing, food, housing, shoes).
She needs to learn HUMILITY. I would take it all:
Her clothes: I'd give here two over-sized coveralls in the same colors and two t-shirts (no bra---that's a luxury she can't afford). . .ne to wear, one to wash, two pairs of socks, a pair of large cotton drawers and one pair of work boots. If it's winter, add a sweatshirt and one pair of those suede work gloves from home depot and a hat to keep the chill off her head.
SHe'd work for her food everyday (yard work, cooking, cleaning, wash the car, shine my boots)
Food: She'd eat bread and beans everyday for every meal. (That's good eatin')
Housing: Remove the door from her bedroom and take everything out. You purchased it. It's your stuff. Leave her a mattress, a lamp with no shade, and a sheet and 1 pillow.
Give her a burlap sack with a toothbrush, 1 towel, and a bar of cheap soap (no shampoo).
She can live basic. Sounds like you spoiled her. I see it all the time. Get your damn house back.
No clock. The time is always the same for her: Time to get herself together and get a job.
Last edited by patrick85395; 06-14-2017 at 03:40 PM..
You pay for her life (clothing, food, housing, shoes).
I would take it all:
Her clothes: I'd give here two over-sized coveralls in the same colors. One to wear, one to wash. one two pairs of socks, and one pair of work boots
Food: She'd eat bread and beans everyday for every meal. (That's good eatin')
Housing: Remove the door from her bedroom and take everything out. You purchased it. It's your stuff. Leave her a mattress, a lamp with no shade, and a sheet and 1 pillow.
Give her a burlap sack with a toothbrush, 1 towel, and a bar of cheap soap (no shampoo).
She can live basic. Sounds like you spoiled her. I see it all the time. Get your damn house back.
No clock. The time is always the same for her: Time to get herself together and get a job.
All these things would work, but mommy wouldn't go along with it.
All these things would work, but mommy wouldn't go along with it.
Ha! I wouldn't ask "mommy's" permission and my wife would not put up with that crap from a child living in her home. I'd just do it and it would be done....and there'd be a curfew and she'd have no key. SHe'd be required to bring three job application references home everyday to gain admittance. She would not be able to drive my car because she could not afford the gas, or the insurance, or the maintenance. I may provide a bus pass if she completed her chores.
I believe that there may still be time to save her from the stripper pole, the corner, and the porno reels. But she's got some heaving lifting to do. Life is hard. She is a great example of the softening of America's young.
Last edited by patrick85395; 06-14-2017 at 03:42 PM..
Many of the suggestions you've been given would work, but if your wife won't get on the same page as you, no improvement program will work. You need family therapy. First go with your wife to settle the controversy you two have (because it's a big thing that you don't agree about child rearing). Make a plan with the therapist that you can both accept and stick with, then bring in your daughter and announce it to her in the presence of the therapist. Then make your daughter attend therapy as support for turning her life around. She needs goals for the future other than living a hedonistic, parent-supported life. And she needs to prep for that future with appropriate education or job training.
Smoking weed is OK, except for legal penalties, see norml.org for state penalties. Maybe she should move to a state where it is legal? Alcohol can kill if driver or passenger in drunk drivers car. There's the risk of acute alcohol poisoning, 21 shots on 21st BD in 1-2 hours. Otherwise, chronic alcoholism likely kills at 50-70. Skimpy outfits, I think the jury is still out, as many can imagine what is under clothes whether skimpy or not.
It is very common for males 18-25 to want time off between HS & college & maybe this is a growing thing for females as well? If she smokes weed, it is somewhat surprising she doesn't want PT job to pay for it. I don't know if she gets any free from friends. Best wishes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ATLer
She began drinking very early on in high school, smoking weed, being with the wrong crowd, wearing these skimpy outfits that I hate, was still able to get into the University of Georgia( is now back home because the grades were so horrendous I pulled the plug).
Getting her to find a job or apply is like World War III. I've threatened to kick her out but my wife gives me the " She's your only daughter, you can't kick her out." lecture. On top of that, my thought is, I doubt that me kicking her out would leave her thinking " Sheesh, I better clean up my act." She'd take it as, " Yay, no rules."
Here's what you HAVE TO DO. Buy her a one-way ticket to Honolulu. https://www.google.com/flights/#sear...anta+to+hawaii(the one to which you can fly non-stop, on Delta, from Atlanta - giving her no chance to "convert the ticket", as bad kids frequently do, before she gets off the North American continent) Pay six months' rent for a dwelling in a place that's safe for your ethnicity ('Irish') https://www.trulia.com/for_rent/Hilo,HI/ , and give her twenty thou, "until she gets established".
Hopefully, she'll either find a man (or series of men) to leech-off-of, get a job, or die of an overdose. No longer your problem.
And believe me: this is better than dealing with the (probably mentally deficient) babies she'll be whelping-out (fathered by whatever got to her, at the moment her birth control wore-off), whenever she's told to "shape up or ship out".
One of my personal trainers has been telling me about all the worthless "Little Females" in his family: his sister... his step-sister... the tattooed witch who tricked him into impregnating her... Whenever they're presented with ultimata, like "Stop smokin' pot, an' git a job, or you're out of the house!", their little selves get pregnant. Works every time. They get to continue sitting on their ever-widening boohineys, eatin' PopTarts an' smokin' doobies.
And these are households where both adult breadwinners make six-figure salaries - or DID. What happens, when the whole household is trying to live off Maw-Maw & Paw-Paw's retirement - and there are no savings, because the "Little Females" have eaten-up every cent that would have gone into savings?
I used to own apartment complexes in Mississippi, and heard many a "Little Female" partygirl (mostly 'Irish', as your profile says you are) exclaiming, over the phone, to parents/grandparents - whoever she was manipulating, "But AH'M HAAAY-UH-VEE-IN' UH BUAAAAAAAAYBUAEEEEE!!!!"
And when your daughter's reproductive days are over, and you're elderly, the now-obese and infirm creature you call a 'daughter', will be using "the grandchildren" as human shields (to shield her bloated self from having to work, or having to quit smoking dope, or...). "If yeeeeeew don't ___________, yeeeeew may never see yerrrr grandchildren uh-geeeee-yin!"
Save yourself the grief, and ship her off to someplace from which she can't afford the plane ticket back to Atlanta.
One of the most direct and honest posts ever written on CD.
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