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Old 06-14-2017, 09:56 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GWTJ View Post
Where can 1 find a therapist that doesn't push one to a pill pushing psychiatrist?
All over.
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Old 06-15-2017, 12:24 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,664 posts, read 64,140,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GWTJ View Post
Where can 1 find a therapist that doesn't push one to a pill pushing psychiatrist?
You have to find a therapist who thinks outside the box. Some therapists who work with trauma have techniques that can more people out of depression without drugs. You can do an internet search, and then interview therapists by phone, and ask them.
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Old 06-15-2017, 12:26 AM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,747,193 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GWTJ View Post
Where can 1 find a therapist that doesn't push one to a pill pushing psychiatrist?
Nicholas,

Your response here makes me wonder: have you already been in therapy, and perhaps seen a psychiatrist in the past?

Regardless, your family doctor should be able to refer you to a good Family Therapist, which is what it sounds like you need because this is about more than you. Some clergy members also can make referrals to family therapists. If that doesn't work, google the name of the city/county where you live plus the words "mental health counseling" to get some names. This may also be a good starting point: https://www.networktherapy.com/direc...x.asp?state=NC

Separate from counseling, I'd also encourage you to make an appointment at your local community college advising office. They can help you sort out what types of classes might be helpful to take to begin developing skills for jobs. Here is a list of the community colleges in North Carolina: Main Campuses | NC Community Colleges

If you are over 18, you are legally an adult. Your mother can not legally prevent you from doing any of these things. Although it might be scary to go against her wishes, in the long run both you and your parents will be happier if you move forward with your life, so don't guilt or fear stop you from doing so.

Best wishes!
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Old 06-15-2017, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
20,956 posts, read 15,275,811 times
Reputation: 23727
Parents not wanting their kids to grow up happens and is normal, but the sobbing isn't.

I don't know where you're from in NC, but where I grew up in east TN, there is a mentality that young people stay close to home. When I decided to leave the area, my family (and even many friends) were completely shocked and did not take it well. I moved back home last year after a job crisis, and my parents want to treat me like I'm 11, not 31. At some point, you have to lay down the law as to what is and is not acceptable.
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Old 06-15-2017, 07:11 AM
 
9,658 posts, read 7,638,989 times
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Hey, OP, in another recent thread about inexpensive ways to have fun, you're written about taking short trips to the beach and the mountains, and attending a contra dance with your friends. You've also written about your car, so you have wheels and can take off on occasion. Who pays for your gas and car maintenance and insurance, btw? Ditto your beach and mountain trips?

Are your parents okay with your weekend trips without them, and with contra dancing? You appear to have very conservative parents, and I'm not sure how these activities (which I think are just fine) would fly with them.

Clearly you do have some friends, maybe not close friends - but friends or at least friendly acquaintances. Keep hanging out with them, and keep on dancing (it gets easier and you get better with time - meanwhile, don't grab or grind or dip or twirl the ladies. Focus on the basics, make eye contact, and smile) and making those weekend trips. Maybe some of your friends could join you at the beach or in the mountains - more fun with the right people, and it would slice your expenses considerably.

Many contra dancers go out for pizza and beer or Cokes after dancing, and lots of great conversation can result. Find out if this is the custom with your local dance community, and see if you can join in.

BTW, you appear to be politically conservative - most contra dancers are liberals, and some are libertarians. Share your views, listen to theirs, don't get sucked into arguments.

Get to know more people. Also, if you're considering a part-time job, let it be known - someone may know of something.

Widen your horizons. You have lots of good tools in place to do this fairly easily.

And yes, get yourself an inexpensive phone, and get a free email account. Obviously you can get online at times, fairly frequently and easily from the looks of your history here at C-D - so getting free email should not be a problem.

Your parents should have no say about this, btw - it's entirely your business, and it should be a private account that they cannot access. If you want to share something with them, that's cool - but you are under no compulsion to do so.

Best wishes to you. Enjoy the beach, the mountains, your car - and contra dancing.
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Old 06-15-2017, 07:38 AM
 
12,404 posts, read 9,199,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nicholas_n View Post
Hi all,

I hope this is the right forum to post this in. This might be a bit of a rant, but hopefully at least a few of you can read between the lines and offer some advice.

So basically, I am in my early 20s and am still living with my parents. I love my parents, and try to abide by their wishes as best I can, but I'm feeling more and more like they (mom in particular) don't really want me to grow up.

I want to move out and start blazing my own path, but I feel like I'm being discouraged from this. Whenever I broach the subject of getting a job or anything like that, I'm always told "there's always time to do that later." I don't really have any close friends anymore to talk to, so frustration and anger has started to build up inside. It just keeps gnawing away at me, so to speak, and it has become very difficult for me to focus on important things (like college homework), get much sleep, and the like.

I feel like I've always been a little over-protected, especially with regards to communication. When my friends all started moving on and talking with each other via email, I couldn't keep up because my mom didn't want me to have an email account. By the time I finally convinced her that I was old enough and responsible enough to have an email account, everyone had moved on to Facebook. I wasn't ever allowed to make a FB account. I wasn't allowed to get a phone either, and to this day I don't have one. Until maybe a year or so ago, I had very little self-confidence and always felt socially awkward when trying to talk to others because I had so little socialization throughout most of my teenage years (I was homeschooled by the way, which is why I wasn't around other kids on a daily basis). It's a little better now, but I still don't really feel like I'm very good at socializing with others. I've never gone on a date because it's too awkward trying to get a girl's contact info without a phone, and although I feel like I know a lot of people, it's so hard for me to communicate with them that I feel like I don't really have any true friends anymore.

I guess I'm wondering what I should do. Whenever I try to put my foot down, my mom can't take it and just breaks down in tears (and I hate to see her in tears), but I can only take so much internal destruction before I blow my lid. Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks,
Nicholas
Hmmmmmm. Perhaps see if any internship or work-study programs are available, get into one, and tell your mom the program is "part of school". Let her come to terms with it, after repeatedly saying it is "part of school". If she says you can "worry about it later", tell her that you need to do this now to be ready for it later, and that the school encourages students to do these activities because it prepares them for being responsible adults "later on".

When she accepts this, and calms down, (perhaps after several weeks' time) tell her that it "sometimes seems like I am working a bit in the program, but it's usually OK, I get along with everyone very well and am learning a lot of useful things, it is an education and complements my classes very well".

Then after enough time (6 months or a year maybe) get an entry-level job, but insist that it is really "just a training position" and "is an excellent extension of my education program and helps me continue to learn". Also say "Yes, sometimes this seems like a real job, but it isn't, it's just teaching me how to work later on, in other words, it is much like school. At my previous program, it seemed like work too on occasion, but it really wasn't. I think this is much the same way..."

Then eventually when you get promoted to a higher level position, tell her that "I am doing very well, getting along with everyone, and learning many useful skills that will help me when I finally get a real job later on".

In about 3 years' time, pull the punchline: "Mom, I've been working all along!"

Best Wishes,

ncole1

Last edited by ncole1; 06-15-2017 at 07:49 AM..
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Old 06-15-2017, 09:50 AM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,747,193 times
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There's always joining the military, the ultimate "get away from Mom" path.
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Old 06-15-2017, 10:06 AM
 
5,811 posts, read 3,298,927 times
Reputation: 13548
OP, I agree with others that you need to stop letting your mother control you. And you will have to accept the fact that she will cry and be unhappy about it. But realize that this on one mechanism she uses to maintain control. She trades YOUR happiness and maturity for HER happiness and control. Please realize that taking control of your own life will in no way actually harm your mom; it will just make her unhappy for a period of time until she adjusts to it. Good Luck!!
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Old 06-15-2017, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,294 posts, read 20,544,645 times
Reputation: 20159
The only person that is preventing you from growing up is you. At your age you can make your own decisions, your own successes and your own mistakes. Your parents can advise you all they want, but it's time for you to take control.
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Old 06-15-2017, 11:18 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
376 posts, read 188,883 times
Reputation: 615
Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't responded before now. To answer everyone's questions, I do amazingly have my license (thanks dad!), and I have a vehicle (it was my dad's car, but he got something else, and he just acts like his old car is mine since I am doing basically all of the maintenance on it now). I am in community college, but unfortunately getting a job on campus is not really an option as I take my classes online (it's a long story). I'm not into smoking pot, drinking, or any of that (although I don't have a problem with people who want to do those things so long as they're not disturbing me).

@CraigCreek - Hi, yes that is correct. I do take a few day trips to the beach or mountains each year, however those are always with the rest of my family. My parents pay for gas and insurance for the time being (although once I get a job, I would prefer to take over those responsibilities).

I found out about the Contra dances through some homeschool graduates that I know, so I've gone a few times and met them there. My parents don't have a problem with it because, at least here, the dances are only a couple hours long and not very far away, so I'm only out of the house for a few hours. I'm pretty good at the basic dances and am trying to learn how to lead spins better than I do now, but that's the most advanced I have gotten. Unfortunately the Contra group here doesn't seem to go out anywhere afterwords.

And I might not have been clear in my original post, I do have an email account (which is how I made my account on here) but by the time I was allowed to make said account, everyone had moved on to Facebook and text. I am online a lot because I'm taking several classes this summer and have frequent deadlines.

Anyway, thanks for all of your responses so far, C-D community. I'm glad I can at least find some advice through forums like this, because I don't feel like I know anyone well enough in person anymore to talk with them about it.

Nicholas
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