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Old 06-26-2017, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,844 posts, read 13,195,981 times
Reputation: 9247

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You can't stop them from what they eat OUTSIDE the house when you're not with them but you can control what's in the house. My niece buys tons of crappy, unhealthy foods because they're on sale and she has a million coupons. Both her kids are overweight for their ages (the boy is 8 and wears a boys 14 and the girl is 10 and she already has to buy in the juniors department)...and they're "picky" eaters.


Sit your daughter down and have a talk with her. Educate her about child obesity, diabetes, etc. If a doctor needs to tell her then so be it.
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Old 06-26-2017, 11:38 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,099 posts, read 107,250,308 times
Reputation: 115907
Quote:
Originally Posted by BayouDweller View Post
said she had 0 interest in the family walk this morning, ended up going, whined the whole time
It's a start, OP! She'll get used to it. Keep it up.
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Old 06-26-2017, 11:43 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,667,039 times
Reputation: 20851
This is a kid. PLAY with her. If it is too hot to go outside and play, move the furniture in the living room crank up the music and let her teach you how to wobble then you teach her to electric slide. And laugh and don't look at the clock or count calories or any of that. Or go buy a second hand wii and play some of those games. Make it FUN.
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Old 06-26-2017, 11:51 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,099 posts, read 107,250,308 times
Reputation: 115907
Quote:
Originally Posted by BayouDweller View Post
We love her very much & as far as our relationship with her, we were always the " friend first" type of parents/
This is why you're not able to establish authority with your kids.

Why do you give her money to buy junk food? Why is going out for food her and her friends' favorite pastime? I've never heard of pre-teens and young teens doing this. What is there to do in your town? You should start taking her to places where she can have fun without food: a science Exploratorium, an aquarium, a skate park, on a hot day--the public pool, or a park with a pond or water fountain, to goof around and splash around in the water. Does this child even know how to have fun? Is eating the only way she knows how to entertain herself?

Take your kids to a beach for a weekend, and walk up & down the beach, and splash around, wading in and jumping the waves as they come in. Set up a volleyball net at the beach or at home, and play volleyball. Or a badminton net, and hone your skills. Come on, Mom and Dad, use your imaginations! Get some activities going.
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Old 06-26-2017, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,953,164 times
Reputation: 27686
I was a fat kid and I can tell you for sure you can't force anyone to diet or lose weight once you reach a certain age. Won't happen.

I agree there should be no crappy foods in the house and you need to lead by example. You have no control over what they eat away from home but you do control what is brought into the house. And you should not be financing their junk food purchases either. Kids are basically lazy and will always eat what's at home and free first. Once the food issue becomes us VS them and an issue of control, the kids will rebel by doing exactly what you don't want them to do. Yes, it's counter productive but that's the way it is.

It's a sad thing to spend your childhood and young adult years fat. And if something doesn't change they will spend their whole lives fat. Fat people miss out on a lot and tend to settle for less. They make less money and have less prestige. Fat women have fewer choices for mates as well. If I was the parent, I would start with their PCP and have everything checked out. Find out if there is a physical reason for the excess weight. Then I would put them in counseling. I would give it a year and if it doesn't work I would start thinking about weight loss surgery while they are still on your insurance.
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Old 06-26-2017, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,408 posts, read 34,571,508 times
Reputation: 73500
Quote:
Originally Posted by BayouDweller View Post
I just need them to understand that this is not a joke

But you and your husband were (are?) over weight. I'm sure she finds you a tad hypocritical right now. First, you have to stop considering parenting too much work. Remove the cheat day foods. Go do family oriented exercise together, hiking, racquetball, whatever, even bowling if you don't order the food.

Take her to the doctor for a physical, have them speak to her about health.
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Old 06-26-2017, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
1,440 posts, read 1,232,182 times
Reputation: 1237
I'm sorry, is this for real?

YOU are the parent. YOU are the adult. YOU are in charge, not her. Why are you still letting her hang out with these friends who clearly encourage bad habits? Why are you not talking to their parents and letting them know your daughter is not allowed to eat certain foods. Why are YOU not putting a lock on the TV or taking it away?? Who cares about the whining and the fighting? YOU are letting her do that and, it sounds like, throwing up your hands instead of taking stuff away. Stop giving her money. Stop enabling her. Cheat days are NOT a thing, until you and your family can learn balance.

While I commend you on your own weight loss, YOU are the parent. YOU need to take control.

Good lord.
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Old 06-26-2017, 12:34 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,667,039 times
Reputation: 20851
People always think fat people are stupid. Fat people know they are unhealthy. My youngest sister was very overweight in high school and college. She is also brilliant with a masters degree in the sciences. She KNOWS the risks. But the same way you can't talk people into not smoking, you can't talk people, especially kids, into making better lifestyle choices.

OP taking your child to the doctor for him to tell her she is unhealthy will only further push her away. Most active people are active because they ENJOY being active. The health benefits are a side effect. What worked for my sister was in her early 20s she realized she like martial arts. We are an active family, we surf, we snowboard, we hike, but those were not her cup of tea so she thought she was just not an active person. Now she is much more active because she does taekwondo and a couple of other martial art classes a few times a week because she LOVES it.

Walking might be what you and your husband like, but instead of only forcing her to do what you like, maybe you should do something she likes too.
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Old 06-26-2017, 12:35 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,667,039 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephy0519 View Post
I'm sorry, is this for real?

YOU are the parent. YOU are the adult. YOU are in charge, not her. Why are you still letting her hang out with these friends who clearly encourage bad habits? Why are you not talking to their parents and letting them know your daughter is not allowed to eat certain foods. Why are YOU not putting a lock on the TV or taking it away?? Who cares about the whining and the fighting? YOU are letting her do that and, it sounds like, throwing up your hands instead of taking stuff away. Stop giving her money. Stop enabling her. Cheat days are NOT a thing, until you and your family can learn balance.

While I commend you on your own weight loss, YOU are the parent. YOU need to take control.

Good lord.
Kid rebel. Making the TV and food and exercise a battle will make her rebel in really unhealthy ways. You cannot authoritarian kids into being thin. Not going to work. In fact there is reams of research stating just the opposite.
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Old 06-26-2017, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
1,440 posts, read 1,232,182 times
Reputation: 1237
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Kid rebel. Making the TV and food and exercise a battle will make her rebel in really unhealthy ways. You cannot authoritarian kids into being thin. Not going to work. In fact there is reams of research stating just the opposite.
Forget that part. The fact that the OP is complaining about getting in an argument, when SHE is the adult and parent, is just BS. The kid should get grounded or their Ipad or phone or something.

There honestly sounds like there is NO level of discipline.
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