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See, the whole situation over there needs a total overhaul. I am trying to imagine a 'struggle' over chores. I can't. They were to be done. Period.
We can give you lots of tricks and suggestions but you have an overall lack of leadership going on.
First is full on grounding. No wi-fi, no phone, no TV, no going out, nothing. All privileges must be EARNED. They are earned by doing chores and following rules and keeping up grades and behaving respectfully.
Very frustrating. My 14 year old daughter is nearing 200 pounds, is going to enter high school in the fall and as of now, does not fit into the school uniform( khaki pants, button down shirt, sweater vest). My son put on 30 pounds this past school year, his freshman year of college. My husband and I are trying everything but they refuse to diet with us or work out, they don't seem to care. For instance, when my daughter goes out with friends, I KNOW she'll ignore what her dad & I say, eat junk.
Our discussions with them are jokes to them and its funny to them that the other has a weight issue. They don't seem to connect that the reason they're winded so easily and why they hate stairs, is connected with weight.
My daughter is definitely the harder to deal with.
So where is your kid getting the money to go out with?
Who exactly is buying the food in the house.
If you answer I am or me or my husband to these questions you or the husband are the first problem.
God damn. Go buy veggies yogurt and fruits. Trash ALL soda, high fructose drinks and any junk food like cookies, chips, candy etc.
Got anything to drink?
Yeah water
Anything else?
No.
Kid wants some snack to eat.
Here are some sliced carrots, celery tomatoes and broccoli.
Where's the dip.
There isn't any.
I'm not eating that.
Ok then you're not eating.
I'm leaving
Don't slam the door on your way out
What's for dinner
Chicken or steak with steamed veggies
I dintvwant that
Guess you're not hungry
Start cooking more chicken, fish , veggies and cut out cheeses fatty meats breads pastas etc.
What do you consider junk food, and what do you consider healthy? You may still need to make adjustments.
You can try eliminating sugar, flour and fruit juices. You would all feel better.
Remove the door to her bedroom or insist it stay open. Do sweeps for food or other contraband. I feel like I am wasting my time though if you normally find it 'too hard' to enforce rules and 'easier' to just do what she wants.
My Dad had to take control of me at that age. I had been spoiled by my mother. It can be done. But it wasn't easy. If I was grounded, guess who else was grounded?
What do you consider junk food, and what do you consider healthy? You may still need to make adjustments.
You can try eliminating sugar, flour and fruit juices. You would all feel better.
ice cream, popcorn, and chips for cheat days. Usually we have chicken, fruit, veggies
ABSOLUTELY! How long has she been overweight? She didn't get that big overnight and she didn't do it on her own. What kind of meals are you making? Get rid of all the junk food in the home. Get her to a doctor and start her on an exercise ritual everyday along with eating healthy meals.
Unfortunately I think this started with what the parents were feeding her and you need to correct the problem. Sorry for being harsh, but it's the truth!
OP, Here's my suggestions, for what they are worth as a stranger on the internet:
1. Talk to your partner alone and discuss the need to lose weight and instill healthy eating habits. This is not a "diet" -- this is a lifetime plan. Make sure that you are on the same page: you will have to present a united front.
2. Go over the family budget and pick an affordable program that makes sense for your family. For example, our HyVee grocery store has 8 - 10 week programs led by a nutritionist. Other suitable programs might be the local "Y" . . . I don't know what is available in your area. I do recommend finding a program that uses food from your grocery store, not prepared meals that you have to order, such as Nutrasystem (one example) because part of this is learning how to eat for the rest of your lives.
3. Announce to your daughter (and son if he is still living there) that all of you will participate in Program X (whatever you've picked) starting July 1 (or whatever date). This is not optional. If your son doesn't participate, he will find somewhere else to live. End of discussion.
4. All of you will fully participate in the program, shopping, cooking, eating the foods on your plan and getting whatever exercise the nutritionist recommends. This might be 15 minute family walks in the evenings or . . . (whatever). It doesn't have to be expensive. Walking is cheap and nearly everyone can do it.
5. Work through the program. If your daughter is bulking, use the program resources. Step up! You are her parents. Everyone in the family follows the plan. It will be Hell on Earth for about the first two-three weeks, but once all of you are through the sugar cravings, it will be much easier and all of you will have more energy.
6. Have classes to go to where you all are accountable and have support. Don't try to do this on your own. Let the "teacher" be the "bad guy" when your daughter starts whining about no soda pop during the first week.
OP, this may well be the hardest thing you have done, but it will be worth it.
If you can't make this happen, then I recommend family counseling, ASAP.
Good luck and keep us updated!
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