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This. Why do you feel the need to be so involved in their play/planning?
This. I've never heard of such a thing and I agree that it's... odd. Your children need to be taught to work with others. "You make the rules this time, I make the rules next time"? Huh? I don't understand this. And what about my son's little friend who lives in a REALLY small house, so we always have "dates" at my house?
No, you decide together what to do.
Now I DID have an issue with my son because he ALWAYS wanted to play his games. If someone wanted to play something else, he would just not play. So I sat him down and talked to him: If you're ever going to have friends, you have to be willing to play their games. Do you like being told what to play and how to play all the time? When I was your age, I hated Freeze Tag. But my friends liked it. So guess what I did? Yep, I played freeze tag. and then... they would play my game. This is how friends work, little man,
And he totally understood and started playing better with others like the very next day.
This struck a cord with me. Adults don't invite people over and then have the guests pick the activities - in fact, exactly the opposite. If you invite someone to your house, you've already planned the activity (game, just sit and chat while you barbecue, whatever). Why do we reverse that for children, and ask children guests to come over and dictate the entertainment for the afternoon? Can you imagine, as adults, inviting another couple over and then have them decide what we all will be doing for the evening?
My kids were taught to treat their guests with respect, show them where the bathroom is, offer a couple choices in activities, be sensitive that they might be hungry or thirsty, etc. But the guest wasn't expected to dictate the activities.
Agreed. This was the policy of my parents when I had friends over for an overnight visit or even just a day's activities.
Later, when my boys had friends invited over, it was for the specific activities to which they were invited.
Such as snow skiing, sailing, fishing, bicycling, camping, hiking. In the evenings they could choose among board games, card games, reading, model trains (N gauge) set-up. I didn't have a TV or computer for those years so these weren't an option.
It's a double standard. You just pointed that out, but I'll summarize it. Adult are allowed full "property rights" over things they own (smartphone in their pocket, figurine on their shelf, etc.). Sharing it, or even letting someone see it, is their decision and theirs alone. Kids, however, are told to share their toys with whoever asks, even if they don't wish to share. I'm talking about toys in their home or on their person. Not about communal toys at preschool, kindergarten, etc, where sharing is pretty much mandatory.
Still, adults are fully grown, and children still have growing up to do. They're different biologically. So it's not too abnormal that they abide by different rules. Or is it?
With all that said, I think it's fine to have the guest pick the first activity, within limits. After all, the visiting team bats first in baseball, while still being subject to the home team's ground rules (on top of universal baseball rules).
There are different interests and goals when adults socialize though so there's no way to compare the two. I don't invite grown women over to play with my phone and they don't generally expect to run through the house and lay down on my bedroom floor. If I invite someone for a meal I don't snatch a particular food off the table when they reach for it or refuse to pour them wine because I've decided that I want it all for myself. Even though I usually really, really do want all of the wine for myself. When your child invites another over it's implied that there will be playing involved. I tell mine to put away the things you don't want broken, shared or touched and be prepared to share everything else.
I've never told him that the guest picks but I tell him that it's important to make a guest feel comfortable because they are in a new place and may be uncomfortable. That way if he were to get bossy or just start acting like a tool I can pull him aside and ask the general "do you think that behavior would make you comfortable if you were a guest in his house?". Mine is only 6 though and I have yet to see the upside of bringing additional children into the house.
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When your child invites another over it's implied that there will be playing involved. I tell mine to put away the things you don't want broken, shared or touched and be prepared to share everything else.
