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Speaking of snide.. Jeeze, it's not always the other kids fault. I'm not one of those moms.. My point was some kids don't have the balls? chutzpah, to say to their friends.. NO, you can't come in or NO, I'm not allowed.
I'm sure some 18 yr. olds are very mature for their age, but some aren't.
There may be a few who don't have the balls/chutzpah, whatever, but those who work with kids professionally know it isn't always the one who appears to be the perp who actually is the perp. Blaming "the party" on the kids' friends is a bit ridiculous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip
If you know your kid is something of a pushover or not very socially adept, you can work with them ahead of time on how to handle situations like that - what to say, what to do - so they aren't at a loss if it arises.
How is this situation going to "arise"? Are people going to start coming over to the house unbidden with bottles of liquor and/or marijuana just by coincidence when the parents are out of town? No, someone gets invited. The inviting can get out of hand, what with social media, but that's a different issue.
I recall a friend telling of how she and her husband were going away for some overnight trip. They forgot something, and when they got home, they found the party had already started!
You're right. Looking back I know that now but at the time I just assumed he'd be able to handle himself. It's not enough to say 'no friends in the house while I'm gone'. I should have sat him down and discussed how to handle a situation like that. He was my firstborn.. the practice child..
FWIW.. he's married, owns his own home and has a great job that's secure so I must have done something right along the way.. Lol
I think you posted this while I was composing my post. Yes, I'm sure you did "something" right. More than just something. Things happen, not always the parents' fault.
No it isn't but my comment was in response to you belittling someone who has young children and my response was perfectly reasonable in that context.
No, it wasn't. I was talking about someone whose oldest is 5, not 18. People's perspective does change as their kids get older. And if you read all my posts, you would know I did not advise the OP not to leave her son home alone for this weekend (and trust me this thread will go on long after the 4th of July has passed). I did suggest she have a friend stay with him, or have him stay with a friend. Note that having a friend stay with him would mean no adult presence in the house, most likely.
He is 18 and has never been left alone over night. 18. 18. He is 18 and his mom is terrified to leave him over night. We all have the same info. In my book, that is super sheltered and not reasonable unless he has shown reasons why he isn't trust worthy.
He can vote, smoke, go to the military, get married, go to college, get a loan, sign a lease, heck even buy a house if he had the cash. But his mom doesn't want to leave him home alone for the weekend?
Come on now...
I didn't say I NEVER left him overnight. I do occasionally because as previously mentioned, I have a bf that lives an hour away. I do leave him but I stress out about it. I always have the option of staying the whole weekend at his house and I virtually never do because it stresses me out too much. He travels around for work and invites me along and I have yet to go. The idea of being hundreds of miles away and something happening it too much. Thus the purpose of this thread: anxiety leaving him for a weekend... an ENTIRE weekend so I can go and enjoy myself without anxiety ruining it, or worse, preventing me from going.
I'm NOT saying this is logical, it just is the way it is until I can get a grip on it.
I didn't say I NEVER left him overnight. I do occasionally because as previously mentioned, I have a bf that lives an hour away. I do leave him but I stress out about it. I always have the option of staying the whole weekend at his house and I virtually never do because it stresses me out too much. He travels around for work and invites me along and I have yet to go. The idea of being hundreds of miles away and something happening it too much. Thus the purpose of this thread: anxiety leaving him for a weekend... an ENTIRE weekend so I can go and enjoy myself without anxiety ruining it, or worse, preventing me from going.
I'm NOT saying this is logical, it just is the way it is until I can get a grip on it.
So its more about you, less about your son. He sounds like a good kid.
Back to my first posting...its really hard when our anxiety takes over our decision making. My son is going away for an entire week over night camp. He has done a few nights and its always been with people he knew (like his class or his sister was signed up too). Everything in me wanted to say no to the request. But I cant let my anxiety take over my parenting.
One thing that helps me is if my thought starts with "what if" that is anxiety talking. And I refuse to go down that rabbit hole. Also just realizing its going to suck on some level, and its going to take a while before I am 100% ok with this level of independence...I think that helps.
No, it wasn't. I was talking about someone whose oldest is 5, not 18. People's perspective does change as their kids get older. And if you read all my posts, you would know I did not advise the OP not to leave her son home alone for this weekend (and trust me this thread will go on long after the 4th of July has passed). I did suggest she have a friend stay with him, or have him stay with a friend. Note that having a friend stay with him would mean no adult presence in the house, most likely.
Exactly. You were belittling her opinion simply because her children are currently young.
The OP has an 18 year old ADULT son. Unless he has some sort of developmental disability he should able able to take care of himself for a weekend while she goes away. Someone's comment to that effect is not invalidated simply because they have children who are young. Her perspective may change as her kids age but that does not mean her current opinion is invalid.
I'm not sure why you decided to tell me that this this thread was not about my kids. After all it a PARENTING forum and parents often speak of their own experience AS PARENTS which usually involves their kids. My post was #56. Before my post there were 11 posts where people talk about their personal experiences and their own kids or other family members. One of them was yours. Yet you decide to call me out on talking about my kids. Do you have some sort of problem with me?
Which is really the point, isn't it? Not much sense in telling the OP she should have started leaving her son alone years ago, she didn't. We did, well before our kids were 18 we left the country for 10 days, with a neighbor's high school senior to check in on them. And our kids traveled outside the US alone, beginning at age 12. No regrets, and fortunately, no calamities.
Different strokes for different folks, nobody can dictate a parent's comfort level.
Where did I say I have NEVER left him before? Look, I've left him overnight while I've visited my bf who lives an hour away. I did it on occasion starting when he was about 16. Once he got his license at almost 17 and could drive himself anywhere is where I think it started getting more difficult for me. Maybe most parents had a sense of relief because they could ditch the 'taxi-service' hat, and although there is some sense of that for me too, it makes me worry more about him when I'm gone. So I stress out and sometimes it's not even worth going because I spend the whole time worrying. And now I feel trapped, like I can't even take a weekend for myself even though he is now 18. I hate it. Again, I'm not saying this is a normal thought process, it just is what it is. I had the option to go to the ocean this weekend and all I could think about is how stressed out that would make me, which is why I posted.
I didn't say I NEVER left him overnight. I do occasionally because as previously mentioned, I have a bf that lives an hour away. I do leave him but I stress out about it. I always have the option of staying the whole weekend at his house and I virtually never do because it stresses me out too much. He travels around for work and invites me along and I have yet to go. The idea of being hundreds of miles away and something happening it too much. Thus the purpose of this thread: anxiety leaving him for a weekend... an ENTIRE weekend so I can go and enjoy myself without anxiety ruining it, or worse, preventing me from going.
I'm NOT saying this is logical, it just is the way it is until I can get a grip on it.
So you aren't going to the beach this weekend? If your son wanted to go to the beach with his friends this weekend, would you try to stop him?
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