Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Daughter in middle school gets invited to a backyard BBQ by a classmate. About a dozen kids altogether, all classmates. My daughter's 2 best friends are included, and we're very close to their families and hang out all the time. BBQ is 6-10pm.
We drop her off, nice family, the mom and kids have been over our place for bbq and pool party as well. Just seems like a nice family.
Really, at this point everything is exceedingly OK.
Around 8pm we hear that the 3 girls are coming home. Huh?!?!
We couldn't get too much detail from the girls themselves that night, but according to the mom of my daughter's BF, it was because:
1) a couple of the girls are cutters and it made them uncomfortable
2) one girl is unsure of her gender identity and supposedly has a crush on both a boy and a girl
3) allergic to cats
4) house is dirty
So TBH, my BS antenna went up right away. The next day I tried to get more details from the mom and heard this added:
5) there was no food
6) one of the kids worships the devil and it made the girls uncomfortable
7) everyone was just sitting around on their phones
OK, so now my BS meter is off the chart.
So when we could, we (wife and I) took a quiet moment with my wife and daughter and she refuted all of the reasons, except that her one friend did indeed get all puffed up from the 2 cats in the house. According to her, that's all they said when they asked to get picked up.
Now I feel terrible; my fears about this this being BS and exaggerated are, apparently, true.
We encouraged our daughter, who is really a nice kid, to be aware of how these rumors can negatively affect people and her own reputation as well.
My wife will mention to her friend that everything she said that happened almost certainly didn't.
I guess in future, just skip the gossip mom and ask your daughter when you have alone time with her and all is calm.
Sorry, I know it was a lot. Here's the TL/DR
I feel bad that my daughter was caught up in the small group of friends that wanted to leave the party early, especially that one mom seemingly felt compelled to make up BS, and potentially hurtful, stories as to why.
I'd like to make this a teaching moment for my daughter to learn about the dangers of rumors and clique-ish behavior.
I am wondering if we should contact the host parents to smooth anything over (I don't even know if they were upset...but three friends leaving my daughter's party early might be reason to be?)
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
35,624 posts, read 17,953,728 times
Reputation: 50642
I'm really surprised that a dad of a teenage girl is so involved in the minute details of his daughter's social circle of girlfriends.
My guess is, the truth is somewhere in the middle. The girls didn't connect with the hostess family, and they got bored and decided to be rude and leave. My best guess is, the hostess family wasn't in the same social circle as the 3 girls, and also some of the girls were odd, and so they left.
You should always believe your kids - Never doubt their stories to their faces. Like a mom friend said when her son came home and she insisted he was on dope. . . He was coming down with the flu.
Does it really matter WHY they came home early? At least they came home. They could've gotten a ride with someone you don't know and could've gone elsewhere and gotten into deep trouble. In other words -- The girls came home and came home safe. That would be all I need to know.
The kid that had an allergic reaction - That's serious. That could be an emergency room visit. If I were in your shoes I'd talk about allergies with your daughter and if it happens again she'll know what to do.
I'm really surprised that a dad of a teenage girl is so involved in the minute details of his daughter's social circle of girlfriends.
.
Why? Not every dad is just a sperm donor / wallet for their kids.
OP, just a guess but there is more to this story. Your kids don't want you involved because they figure you'll bar them from seeing the friend or put your nose in something they don't want to deal with the blow back.
Why? Not every dad is just a sperm donor / wallet for their kids.
OP, just a guess but there is more to this story. Your kids don't want you involved because they figure you'll bar them from seeing the friend or put your nose in something they don't want to deal with the blow back.
Thank you.
My only goal in this is to make an impression on my daughter that using gossip and rumors to get out of a situation is not cool. I asked her to imagine how she would feel if half her friends left her party early and then later you somwhow hear some cockamamie story about it.
I think also my wife is going to tell her friend about the strong doubt about all thoae silly rumors.
I realize that the exact truth will always elude me.
My only goal in this is to make an impression on my daughter that using gossip and rumors to get out of a situation is not cool. I asked her to imagine how she would feel if half her friends left her party early and then later you somwhow hear some cockamamie story about it.
I think also my wife is going to tell her friend about the strong doubt about all thoae silly rumors.
I realize that the exact truth will always elude me.
I would mention that gossip is harmful, but the IMO, the really important thing that happened is that your daughter wanted to leave a situation and did. I'd tell her that she acted exactly right and that she should always feel free to call you for a pickup for any reason or no reason at all. It's very important--and in some cases can be life-saving--for girls to trust their instincts. And if you want to enforce the no-gossip angle, explain that she doesn't have to give a reason to anyone--just wanting to leave is enough.
I doubt if it was just the matter of the cat allergy. My guess is that in addition to that, the other two girls were uncomfortable for some reason. It doesn't matter why as much as it's great that they left an uncomfortable situation.
I would not get involved in teen girl (or teen girl mom) drama. With some girls, it's never-ending through middle school and high school (and life... I know people who are 40 years old who can't stop gossiping about untrue nonsense). I agree with Marlow: The important thing is that the girls know they can leave if something is making them uncomfortable. It doesn't really matter if one kid is bisexual and one kid is a devil-worshiper or whatever. Most of that is just gossip anyway. I'd just ignore all of that, stay out of the gossip, not take calls from gossipy parents, and listen to what your own kids are telling you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
