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Old 09-03-2017, 08:51 AM
 
172 posts, read 79,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
The other boy is 12??????


Gay, straight, bi, green, red purple. NO WAY. NO. HOW.
I agree but surely that is the responsibility oh his parents right?
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:04 AM
 
Location: STL area
690 posts, read 339,890 times
Reputation: 1501
This is one where you have to put a serious foot down. 15 and 12 is pushing the limits of legality. I have a 12, almost 13 year old and I don't think he is old enough to date but if I were to allow it, it would need to be another middle schooler.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Staten Island, NY
2,749 posts, read 729,794 times
Reputation: 2030
15 and 12? No Bueno
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:28 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,417,084 times
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I think the age this is the real red flag. I think focus on that and try to leave the other issues (your comfort with his sexuality, common morals, etc) out of it...because then it seems like you are just grasping at straws.

The age issue...a 12 year old with a 15 year old is just a no-go. But come to talk about it with empathy. Its likely a really exciting time in his life and he has a lot of emotions rapped up in it.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:30 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,417,084 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
I agree but surely that is the responsibility oh his parents right?
nope, not at all. you have a part in that as well
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:42 AM
 
12,935 posts, read 12,293,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
I agree but surely that is the responsibility oh his parents right?
Nope. You're invested in this too.

And let me just point this out: You say you're ok with your son being gay, but how much have you done to support him in this? Because here's the thing: He needs to see normal gay relationships, meet other gay kids his own age and socialize with them. Gay people are something like 10 percent of the population - it's hard to meet people of a similar orientation. In my opinion, it causes gay kids to achieve emotional maturity regarding sexuality kind of late - Dan Savage has some interesting thoughts on this subject.

I think you're scared of him being gay, and you're being reactive, not proactive. That's not helping your child navigate some tricky territory. Stop telling him what he CAN'T do and help him figure out what's acceptable and responsible. Frankly this other kid's parents sound like they're being so open-minded their brains are falling out, so you need to be a voice of reason and also to help your son find support.

You should look into PFLAG.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:43 AM
 
3,913 posts, read 1,642,353 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
I agree but surely that is the responsibility oh his parents right?
Nope. You're the parent of the 15 yr old that is choosing to spend time with a 12 yr old. Put a stop to it.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,004 posts, read 5,210,918 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
My son is 15 and has to my knowledge never been in a relationship before.
<>My son told me they were dating a week ago and I really want to put an end to it.
<>The boy is also way too young at only 12
<>What would you do?
Is he internet savvy?
I'd have him search out the age of consent for your State and explain it applies to boy on boy relationships, particularly with regard to children of 12. Detail the kinds of activity that can result in penalties. Search out local examples of prosecution on the news. Explain the costs of a defense by an attorney.
Hunt down the Sexual Offender laws and the registry laws for your State.
Explain to him what "Registered Sex Offender for Life" would mean. No school, no job, no place to live.
This set of consequences would have nothing to do with like, love, beliefs, morals or whatever. Teachers, doctors, pastors, anyone in a position to supervise children would be obligated by law to report anything they discovered.
If you become aware of sexual activity you may be prosecuted as well.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,671 posts, read 11,627,080 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
One of the problems is that the 12 year old has dated before and his parents are quite encouraging of this. I don't know many details but it does disturb me that he has being so young.
The parents of this gay 12-year-old are "quite encouraging" of his dating? Really?

This is the post where I first thought, Hmmm, is this a new poster? (Yep ...)

And a couple posts down: now the 12-year-old is "strange." And the OP's husband thinks she is being "a bit unfair" in not wanting her 15-year-old to date a 12-year-old? That seems, well, unlikely.

If the OP is being genuine -- and I have my doubts -- seems like she could talk to the 12-year-old's parents, especially since they are allegedly from the same church. But that is such an obvious thing to do, why wouldn't she have already thought of that and DONE that?
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Old 09-03-2017, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 9,957,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
They have played video games together before I knew they were "dating".
My son has a rule that his door must always be open if he's with friends in his bed room and either I or my husband must be there.

In regards to sex - my son knows he should not be having it.
I'm worried by going against this he may just rebel and go behind my back. I'm pleased he's been so open with me so far. I've told him I don't want them dating but my husband thinks I'm being a little unfair.

The other boy is a bit strange - clever and educationally a few grades ahead. My son doesn't really see it the way I do.
Knowing parents don't want you having sex doesn't stop teens from sex. You need to sit down with him and have a true discussion about safe sex. I would not push him to not date. That will just push him away. He's been very open with you so far. If you want that to continue, then you need to be realistic and work with him - not against him.

You're never going to be able to stop him from dating. He's 15. He'll be 16 soon so he'll be able to drive. He will also have friends who drive. He has friends in school. Unless you're going to lock him up and keep him hostage, you need to accept that he's going to date and possibly have sex. He will eventually have sex. You did and so did your husband. The world didn't end. The planet didn't stop rotating. Life went on just fine.

The other boy is strange because he's clever and very intelligent? Of course your son isn't going to see things your way. First off, he's a a gay teenage boy and you're an adult straight woman. You're both totally different people so you won't have the same views on many things in life.
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