How to stop a teen relationship? (punishments, gift, home, check)
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How do you know this? Does the 12-yr-old contact YOU, or does your son tell you?
Why are you avoiding the questions about whether or not they have had sexual contact?
Actually my husband told me they may have had a "lovers quarrel". The boys father says he's been upset, not wanting to leave his room to go to the numerous clubs/activities he has.
He comes over or phones/texts my son on the weekend who then asks me for permission to see him.
Why would I want to answer them? What good could it possibly do? I've not even got the full details from my son - my husband has filled me in. I'm truly ashamed of my son.
Actually my husband told me they may have had a "lovers quarrel". The boys father says he's been upset, not wanting to leave his room to go to the numerous clubs/activities he has.
He comes over or phones/texts my son on the weekend who then asks me for permission to see him.
Why would I want to answer them? What good could it possibly do? I've not even got the full details from my son - my husband has filled me in.
So your husband is fairly close with the boy's grandfather and gets all this info and then relays it to you.
Frankly, your husband needs to reel it in a bit. Keep them at arm's length.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten
I'm truly ashamed of my son.
Why??? That is the saddest part of this whole thread.
It's one thing to be disappointed and sad about what's happening, but to be ASHAMED of your child???
Why should you answer those questions?? It's a really important detail. You don't have to, of course. But ... If you really want helpful advice, you need to give us relevant, helpful info. If you DON'T KNOW because you are being told stuff second- and third-hand, then it's really just us all speculating here. I don't know what good this thread is doing you.
So your husband is fairly close with the boy's grandfather and gets all this info and then relays it to you.
Frankly, your husband needs to reel it in a bit. Keep them at arm's length.
They are friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Why??? That is the saddest part of this whole thread.
It's one thing to be disappointed and sad about what's happening, but to be ASHAMED of your child???
Why should you answer those questions?? It's a really important detail. You don't have to, of course. But ... If you really want helpful advice, you need to give us relevant, helpful info. If you DON'T KNOW because you are being told stuff second- and third-hand, then it's really just us all speculating here. I don't know what good this thread is doing you.
Have you contacted a counselor yet?
I know and I'm ashamed of my son for having sex with this boy.
My son is to start seeing one soon.
I know and I'm ashamed of my son for having sex with this boy.
My son is to start seeing one soon.
That's good, but YOU need to see a counselor also in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your child so you can learn how to support him as he becomes an adult.
You also need one so you can be a supportive parent for your younger children as well. You don't want to risk neglecting them while your oldest goes through this process.
It may help you to understand that for gay teens, the whole flirting and dating process is especially treacherous. The typical steps that we expect teens to go through (hand-holding, kissing, etc) are more dangerous for them because of the risk of homophobia. If you think a boy is nervous about flirting with a girl he has a crush on, imagine the thought of doing that but not knowing if that action will open you up to physical or emotional harm.
So sometimes when they find a potential partner who is open to the idea of a gay relationship, like this emotionally damaged 12-year-old, they can latch on strongly, without recognizing that it may not be the best situation for them.
I still think your husband needs to cool off his friendship with the grandfather. It's time to circle the wagons.
I know and I'm ashamed of my son for having sex with this boy.
My son is to start seeing one soon.
You should consider getting some counseling also. So your 15 yr old son had sex, it happens it isn't the end of the world. I can understand that you are disappointed but being ashamed of him, is taking it to another level. I would be disappointed also but what's done is done. Sometimes us mothers have a very hard time letting our children grow up. Maybe talking to somebody would help.
I'm not their friend but I never want to be as authoritarian as my own parents were. I never felt close to them. I've wanted better for my boys and little girl. I don't want to push them away.
So how's that workin' for ya?
You have a teenager sleeping with a 12 yr old emotionally & mentally wrecked pre-teen.
Wow! Are you serious? Your son didn't make a bomb and duct tape it to his chest and run into a church with the timer set. He did not shoot up a school and kill innocent children. He didn't molest his 3 year old and 2 year old siblings. He hasn't poisoned the family dog. These are situations to be ashamed of. A teen having sex - heterosexual or homosexual - is perfectly normal. It's not something to be ashamed of. Have you looked into therapy about how you feel about all of this? It seems like it would be good for you.
Wow! Are you serious? Your son didn't make a bomb and duct tape it to his chest and run into a church with the timer set. He did not shoot up a school and kill innocent children. He didn't molest his 3 year old and 2 year old siblings. He hasn't poisoned the family dog. These are situations to be ashamed of. A teen having sex - heterosexual or homosexual - is perfectly normal. It's not something to be ashamed of. Have you looked into therapy about how you feel about all of this? It seems like it would be good for you.
To me the acts you mention are beyond reprehensible and would elicit more than shame in me.
I'm upset he lied to me. I'm upset he lied to the other parents not considering how this would effect his dads friendship and make us look to them. I'm ashamed he decided to have sex with his boyfriend of little over a month at the age of 15. I'm ashamed he chose to have sex with this particular boy, who is entirely wrong, too young, too damaged. I'm ashamed he's not behaved well to this child.
To me the acts you mention are beyond reprehensible and would elicit more than shame in me.
I'm upset he lied to me. I'm upset he lied to the other parents not considering how this would effect his dads friendship and make us look to them. I'm ashamed he decided to have sex with his boyfriend of little over a month at the age of 15. I'm ashamed he chose to have sex with this particular boy, who is entirely wrong, too young, too damaged. I'm ashamed he's not behaved well to this child.
I think I do need to talk to someone.
I can understand all this...truly. If it were my son, I'd be irate as well....
*Not necessarily about the sexual part (although choosing a 12 yr old AND one that has serious issues would put me into "Aw hell no" mode in a hot minute.) because part of all that is normal.
To me the acts you mention are beyond reprehensible and would elicit more than shame in me.
I'm upset he lied to me. I'm upset he lied to the other parents not considering how this would effect his dads friendship and make us look to them. I'm ashamed he decided to have sex with his boyfriend of little over a month at the age of 15. I'm ashamed he chose to have sex with this particular boy, who is entirely wrong, too young, too damaged. I'm ashamed he's not behaved well to this child.
I think I do need to talk to someone.
Please talk to a professional, you have had a very tough time with this whole situation even before it became sexual between them. It's ok to be disappointed, most of us have felt disappointed in our children's behavior at one time or another but you are on a whole other level.
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