U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-03-2017, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,308 posts, read 9,407,559 times
Reputation: 20365

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
I am a new user but I've lurked here before.
Have you considered that I think this because I have talked to them? It is why I don't think we will ever see eye to eye. They are indulgent in their aim to be supportive. They suggested it would probably be over in a few weeks.

I know strange isn't a nice term to use - I just mean he is a bit different. My husband thinks we can handle this better - he didn't say that knowing anything about the other boy.
Calling a 12 year old boy strange is rude! If he's a couple of grades ahead, he's a very intelligent young man. He's probably struggling with maturity and being around kids who are older than him.

I have to agree with your husband. Forbidding anything with a teenager never works out the way parents want. The more you forbid it, the more appealing it is! And the more determined they are to have what they want just to show you they an do it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-03-2017, 01:50 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
67,615 posts, read 58,780,395 times
Reputation: 61266
AS IF there's an option, with a 12-year-old!! Statutory rape, HELLO-O-O?!! You need to explain the law (not your preferences/morals, whatever, but the LAW) to your son, so he doesn't inadvertently end up on the sexual predator list. You never know what could happen. You indicate his parents might be ok with it? I take it, that's what "do not share our morals" is implying? It doesn't matter. What if there's a falling out with the 12-year-old, and he decides to cry "rape"?

Why is sex with a 12-year-oldl being considered as a potentially viable option?! I'm in complete disbelief at the casual way in which this is being presented and discussed! Or by "relationship", did you not mean sex, OP?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:02 PM
 
16,733 posts, read 12,752,677 times
Reputation: 40840
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
AS IF there's an option, with a 12-year-old!! Statutory rape, HELLO-O-O?!!
Yes, let's put it this way, OP:

How would you feel if your son had an arrest as a sexual predator? Because if I knew this was going on, I would call the police. The 12yo is just a boy, an innocent, barely in puberty.

You son will have that label for the rest of his life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:03 PM
 
1,258 posts, read 903,422 times
Reputation: 3938
I've been looking up the laws and depending on what state the OP is located in it might not be against the law. Regardless of against the law or not 12 is to young to date.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Tennesee
7,843 posts, read 1,902,723 times
Reputation: 7992
Here's my take.

It's been suggested that you talk to your son about sex, and about the legalities of being involved with a younger boy. That is good advice. I also agree that you should help him make other gay friends his own age.

You make the rules in your house, and there are things you can do to keep the relationship from going too far. No visits without an adult present, and then, only in the "public" parts of the house, or, if you are okay with it, in your son's room with the door open. If you don't trust the other boy's parents to monitor visits, the answer is simple: your son is not to go there. You say that the younger boy has dated before, but you don't know the details. Have you considered seeking them? It could be that dating means the same thing for their son that it meant for me when I was 12: I liked someone, he liked me, and sometimes we held hands at the skating rink.

I would not try to keep these two boys from seeing each other. For one thing, I don't see how that is even likely, unless you plan to start going to a different church. For another, whether you like it or not, your son cares about this boy, and if you try to keep them apart, he just MIGHT start sneaking around to see him. I think you should welcome him in your home, with appropriate supervision, and treat him with the same kindness you would any of your boy's other friends.

My final thought is, why does everyone assume that kids who say they are dating are having sex, or even planning to?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:12 PM
 
2,940 posts, read 1,224,934 times
Reputation: 8220
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
I've mentioned this and he is aware. He told me wouldn't touch him. I still think even without sex the dating is a bad idea.
Idk...this seems like a bizarre thing to say...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
7,759 posts, read 4,687,540 times
Reputation: 9105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
<>Or by "relationship", did you not mean sex, OP?
Where does relationship end and sex begin?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:20 PM
 
9,498 posts, read 6,629,150 times
Reputation: 16521
See if your state has a National Guard Youth Challenge Program. It's 5 months long, he can come out of there with one semester of college. He has to be 16. It's a great way to grow him up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:34 PM
 
172 posts, read 70,733 times
Reputation: 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
AS IF there's an option, with a 12-year-old!! Statutory rape, HELLO-O-O?!! You need to explain the law (not your preferences/morals, whatever, but the LAW) to your son, so he doesn't inadvertently end up on the sexual predator list. You never know what could happen. You indicate his parents might be ok with it? I take it, that's what "do not share our morals" is implying? It doesn't matter. What if there's a falling out with the 12-year-old, and he decides to cry "rape"?

Why is sex with a 12-year-oldl being considered as a potentially viable option?! I'm in complete disbelief at the casual way in which this is being presented and discussed! Or by "relationship", did you not mean sex, OP?
No I do NOT condone sex at all here. I just want to make that clear. I'm sorry if that was confusing.
For one it would not be legal where we are! Two, my son is too young to me never mind this boy.

Also a relationship is NOT synonymous with sex in my book. I DO NOT expect that to happen at all.

As for the other parents I would think they don't condone sex either. They are however eager to be seen as really open and supportive to their son. I think they are naive at best. I told them my concerns and they said at his age all they will do is hold hands and kiss. I find that pretty horrifying in itself. They have a laissez faire approach to parenting. The son is allowed a lot more freedom than I gave my son at 12. They think kids will be kids excuses poor behaviour like being less than polite to adults. I think their son comes across as a bit arrogant and spoiled. He is allowed to go out without them for example. He gives controversial opinions freely while they just shake their heads indulgently. I've had them round for dinner before - they are not bad people but not my kind of people at all.

I am worried about that too. I do trust my son not to do anything but it does not put him in a good position. I'm going to talk more with my husband and see how we can approach it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:41 PM
 
172 posts, read 70,733 times
Reputation: 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgirl64 View Post
Here's my take.

It's been suggested that you talk to your son about sex, and about the legalities of being involved with a younger boy. That is good advice. I also agree that you should help him make other gay friends his own age.

You make the rules in your house, and there are things you can do to keep the relationship from going too far. No visits without an adult present, and then, only in the "public" parts of the house, or, if you are okay with it, in your son's room with the door open. If you don't trust the other boy's parents to monitor visits, the answer is simple: your son is not to go there. You say that the younger boy has dated before, but you don't know the details. Have you considered seeking them? It could be that dating means the same thing for their son that it meant for me when I was 12: I liked someone, he liked me, and sometimes we held hands at the skating rink.

I would not try to keep these two boys from seeing each other. For one thing, I don't see how that is even likely, unless you plan to start going to a different church. For another, whether you like it or not, your son cares about this boy, and if you try to keep them apart, he just MIGHT start sneaking around to see him. I think you should welcome him in your home, with appropriate supervision, and treat him with the same kindness you would any of your boy's other friends.

My final thought is, why does everyone assume that kids who say they are dating are having sex, or even planning to?
It is good advice. Yes that makes sense I agree.

I wasn't sure how to broach that. It was my son who said the other boy had dated before. I think that was in response to my son's friends who think he is too young. My son has been teased quite a bit about this already. I don't want people to think he is weird by dating this boy which is another reason I want to break it up so quickly.

I think it is something parents worry about for a reason. I don't think it has to mean sex at all. I did not at that age (15 or 12). Either way neither will be out of my site long enough until this is over.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top