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Old 09-03-2017, 03:06 AM
 
172 posts, read 80,363 times
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My son is 15 and has to my knowledge never been in a relationship before.
He told us he liked boys a year ago but even after that didn't try to date anyone. And we have been supportive. I have nothing against homosexuality although if I'm honest I wish he wasn't.

Now he has told me how he thought boy at our church was really cute and interesting. I always thought it would be unlikely he'd be gay too so I wasn't too worried.

Despite the unlikeliness it looks like he is and is also interested in my son.
My son told me they were dating a week ago and I really want to put an end to it.
The other boy's parents don't really share our beliefs/morals. I wouldn't trust them to oversee the two of them properly. The boy is also way too young at only 12 and my son's friends are pretty against it too.

What would you do?
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Old 09-03-2017, 03:32 AM
 
Location: Left coast
2,321 posts, read 1,049,343 times
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You could let him know that regardless of his sexuality and gender preferences, you think that 12 is too early to be dating (which is common enough) for the other boy- I do not think you can "stop" kids from having sexual feelings (gay or not, it happens). You can have a discussion about safety- i.e. universal precautions, and consent, etc...
You can advise him to be "friends" not romantic partners.... but that still - even if he concedes - is postponing things....
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Old 09-03-2017, 03:44 AM
 
Location: North State (California)
27,618 posts, read 2,157,914 times
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I agree, 12 is too young to be dating, no matter sexual preference. Tell him to be friends & maybe not allow him to the other house, if you think the other parents won't supervise them.
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Old 09-03-2017, 04:33 AM
 
172 posts, read 80,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CAjerseychick View Post
You could let him know that regardless of his sexuality and gender preferences, you think that 12 is too early to be dating (which is common enough) for the other boy- I do not think you can "stop" kids from having sexual feelings (gay or not, it happens). You can have a discussion about safety- i.e. universal precautions, and consent, etc...
You can advise him to be "friends" not romantic partners.... but that still - even if he concedes - is postponing things....
One of the problems is that the 12 year old has dated before and his parents are quite encouraging of this. I don't know many details but it does disturb me that he has being so young.
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Old 09-03-2017, 06:29 AM
 
1,346 posts, read 999,240 times
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12 years old is way to young to be dating anyone let alone a 15 yr old, sexual preference doesn't matter. Don't let him go to the other child's house, don't encourage any type of dating situation. Explain that there is a big maturity gap between 12 and 15 year olds. Do your best to not allow any alone time. Unfortunately you won't be able to stop any sexual feelings from happening, and you will only be postponing a relationship if they are determined to have one. Hopefully one or both will lose interest before it becomes sexual. I hope you have spoke to your son about safe sex. Having a honest frank discussion with him is not giving him permission it's giving him the tools he needs to make a educated decision now or in the future.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,432 posts, read 15,842,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ccc123 View Post
12 years old is way to young to be dating anyone let alone a 15 yr old, sexual preference doesn't matter. Don't let him go to the other child's house, don't encourage any type of dating situation. Explain that there is a big maturity gap between 12 and 15 year olds. Do your best to not allow any alone time. Unfortunately you won't be able to stop any sexual feelings from happening, and you will only be postponing a relationship if they are determined to have one. Hopefully one or both will lose interest before it becomes sexual. I hope you have spoke to your son about safe sex. Having a honest frank discussion with him is not giving him permission it's giving him the tools he needs to make a educated decision now or in the future.
good points.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:27 AM
 
4,016 posts, read 1,687,998 times
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The other boy is 12??????


Gay, straight, bi, green, red purple. NO WAY. NO. HOW.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:40 AM
 
172 posts, read 80,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ccc123 View Post
12 years old is way to young to be dating anyone let alone a 15 yr old, sexual preference doesn't matter. Don't let him go to the other child's house, don't encourage any type of dating situation. Explain that there is a big maturity gap between 12 and 15 year olds. Do your best to not allow any alone time. Unfortunately you won't be able to stop any sexual feelings from happening, and you will only be postponing a relationship if they are determined to have one. Hopefully one or both will lose interest before it becomes sexual. I hope you have spoke to your son about safe sex. Having a honest frank discussion with him is not giving him permission it's giving him the tools he needs to make a educated decision now or in the future.
They have played video games together before I knew they were "dating".
My son has a rule that his door must always be open if he's with friends in his bed room and either I or my husband must be there.

In regards to sex - my son knows he should not be having it.
I'm worried by going against this he may just rebel and go behind my back. I'm pleased he's been so open with me so far. I've told him I don't want them dating but my husband thinks I'm being a little unfair.

The other boy is a bit strange - clever and educationally a few grades ahead. My son doesn't really see it the way I do.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:54 AM
 
1,346 posts, read 999,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
They have played video games together before I knew they were "dating".
My son has a rule that his door must always be open if he's with friends in his bed room and either I or my husband must be there.

In regards to sex - my son knows he should not be having it.
I'm worried by going against this he may just rebel and go behind my back. I'm pleased he's been so open with me so far. I've told him I don't want them dating but my husband thinks I'm being a little unfair.

The other boy is a bit strange - clever and educationally a few grades ahead. My son doesn't really see it the way I do.
Reality check: your son knowing he shouldn't be having sex is not going to stop him from having sex. I hope you have addressed oral sex and the fact that even if there is no penetration it's still sex and he should protect himself from diseases. Teach him to protect himself always. No alone time in the bedroom even with an open door policy. Unfortunately if they want to have sex they will find a way. It only takes a few minutes!! Reiterate that abstinence is the best choice at this point but also educate him so he is protected. If you give him all the information and guidance you can and are vigilant about about supervision, then you have done all you can. At some point we have to trust that the values we have tried to teach our children will come through and they will make a responsible decision. Encourage open communication no matter how uncomfortable it might be.

Last edited by ccc123; 09-03-2017 at 08:18 AM..
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Old 09-03-2017, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,031 posts, read 2,869,079 times
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Let your son know that you trust him and that he can talk to you about what is going on. At the same time, he needs to understand that, regardless of how he feels about the other boy, 12 is too young for a 15 year old to be intimate with.
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