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My daughter was in a Christian preschool and had mandatory chapel on Friday mornings. She was 3-1/2 years old and her classmates ranged from 4 to 5 years of age. They had a new teacher who didn't seem to have much patience. One afternoon, when I picked up my daughter she was red-eyed and doing that chest-hitching sound that kids make when they've had a hard cry and she was sniffing and looking very sad. I asked her what was wrong and she said that the teacher hit her on the arm with a hairbrush.
When my pulse stopped racing, I went to directly to her classroom and asked the teacher what happened. She smirked and said "Oh, don't worry, I hit three other kids on their arms too because they were squirming in chapel." [Gee, kids squirming in church, what a surprise!] This was not a school where they were authorized to use corporal punishment to discipline the kids or I wouldn't have sent my daughter there in the first place.
I told "Ms. Hairbrush" that if she ever hit my little girl again, I would have to meet her after class with my own hairbrush in hand and that I might not be able to stop after one lick. I also informed the principal but nothing was ever done.
Anyway, the teacher never touched my daughter again, but she treated her roughly for a few weeks until she got to know her. She later told me that my daughter was a nice little girl and that she was sorry for what she had done.
In my case, I have a bright child with learning and developmental delays. We knew they existed but didn't have them nailed down in 3rd grade. He had a 504 (which was worthless). This is when he started having school refusal. I never got communication from the teacher so I had no idea what was wrong other then my son was not liking school anymore. When we had our parent teacher meeting she clearly had a very unfavorable view of my son from him taking too much of her time, him being "lazy", not very smart and "deserving" to being bullied by the other boys because he was less mature. She told me I needed to "get used to" this about him.
That's just really awful. I wonder why adult teacher can't set aside their personal prejudices about particular children in their classroom.
I also think teachers need to get used to the vast age differences in classrooms these days. So if a student acting "less mature" it could be due to the fact that he is quite a bit younger than his classmates. Especially these days with all the redshirting that goes on.
If a middle schooler or older they need to learn to work with it as they will have to deal with people that don't care for them periodically throughout life. The obvious exception is if there's something more at play like a disability or whatever. In any case, by middle school its only a small part of the day/academic picture.
If a younger elementary schooler I would look harder at doing something about it.
My ex dealt with a bus driver that hated her kid. It got to the point where the 8 year old was on "bus probation" or whatever for acting up on the bus and was going to be forced into an alternative transport arrangement (short bus) which would have been socially and emotionally devastating for a normally developing kid in a normal classroom that lived in a neighborhood full of classmates that would see it. Then, one day when her daughter was home sick (and had been for a few days,) she again got a call from the school about her daughters behavior on the bus..."She did what? Today? Really! By the way, have you checked your attendance from today (all week actually?)" That ended any and all conversation about her behavior on the bus.
My son was diagnosed adhd in 2nd grade because his teacher had issues with him because of it and rode him umercifully. To the point that she gave him an F on an important test because although he got every answer correct he had had check marked the answers instead of circling them and she was adamant that she would not change his grade 'because he didn't follow her directions'. At that point I decided it was time for an official diagnosis and an IEP and a long talk with the principal
Yes, there certainly is a difference between a teacher simply disliking your child and a teacher being abusive or incompetent. I was merely answer the posted quastion which is what if the teacher dislikes your child. If theya re abusive or incompetent, that is another story altogether.
When we fisrt moved across the country, one daughter had an auditory sensory overload problem. She often could not learn things through auditory instruction, especially if there was other noise going on. However if she was shown the same thing graphically or in writing, she would perform substantially above grade level, especially if there was something she could touch while learning the concept. She had other issues as well all resulting from when she was a baby, they had to kill her, remove her heart, hook her up to a mechanical heart, bring her back to life, fix her heart, kill her again, put her hear back in and bring her back to life. They told us up front this process always changes babies brains and makes them different. She is different. Not necessarily bad different, but different.
So when we moved, my wife told the counselor or whomever does IEPs about the auditory learning issue and she said she had never heard of such a thing and my wife must have misunderstood. Apparently they did not tell her teacher (I think it was 5th grade?). When my wife went to the first conference, the teacher told her that our daughter was "retarded" this was because every day at recess, rather than playing with the other kids, she went to the hill at the back of the playground and rolled down it, then she stood up climbed the hill and rolled back down. That is pretty much all she did every day for the entire recess. That coupled with her learning issues created the diagnosis "retarded" I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in that conference. I am told the teacher left in tears. Our daughter was moved to another class and the school apologized (you do not mess with my wife when it comes to our kids. She once dragged a nurse over the desk of the nursing station and dragged her down to the hospital room - same daughter had stopped breathing while in the hospital and when my wife ran out for help the nurse yelled at her for not wearing shoes). My wife is petite and very sweet, but cross the kids and she is demon mom. She is also well educated despite severe dyslexia and more knowledgeable about our daughter's conditions than any medical/psychological professional because she researched that issue and only that issue for years, talked with a dozen or so different experts etc.
So I cannot imagine what went on in that conference, but I have a hard time feeling sorry for that teacher, even if I would not want to have been in her shoes. Don't cross mamma bear!
However our various children encountered teachers who adored or hated them along the way. Sometimes a younger sibling had to endure a teacher's dislike just because their older sibling had clashed with the teacher. Teachers were often honest about it "(S)he is very bright, I just do not like him/her, some where not.. Simple dislike - you learn to live with. You also have to learn to avoid letting it impact your grades. One son in high school went to a teacher and said I know you dislike me, but that does not justify the bad grade you gave me on this paper. It is well written even if you disagree with it and don't like me. Teacher agreed and raised the grade (although he denied disliking him, he said he just disliked his attitude, but admitted he had graded too harshly because of it). Later they actually became friendly because of this. Very important lesson there.
Last edited by Coldjensens; 09-22-2017 at 10:51 AM..
That's just really awful. I wonder why adult teacher can't set aside their personal prejudices about particular children in their classroom.
I also think teachers need to get used to the vast age differences in classrooms these days. So if a student acting "less mature" it could be due to the fact that he is quite a bit younger than his classmates. Especially these days with all the redshirting that goes on.
He actually was the youngest in the class...and he wasn't as "mature" as *some* of the other boys. He still isn't for his age but has found a group of friends, with the help of caring teachers and school workers, who have similar interests. At 12 he is horrified by talk of girl's body parts, violence, drugs, swearing, Etc. But a lot of boys his age are talking about that stuff. Caring professionals helped him match up with boys that are still into legos, animals, books, science. They don't think he should toughen up or be anyone he isn't. BTW I am quite happy he isn't as "mature" as those other boys!
This is a question for parents only. Have you ever encountered a situation where your child's teacher, didn't like your child or treated him/her unfairly? And why do you think that was? And how did you deal with it?
My grandson is autistic and before he was put on meds, he was extremely challenging. As parents, I'd hope we can at least be honest and say that yeah, sometimes our kids act like little assclowns, even when it's not their fault. So when his Pre-K teacher constantly called us in to a conference about his behavior, we understood her frustration. It did help us in the long run because she helped us get his IEP started, and now that he is on Concerta, he does great in school.
auditory sensory overload problem. She often could not learn things through auditory instruction, especially if there was other noise going on. However if she was shown the same thing graphically or in writing, she would perform substantially above grade level, especially if there was something she could touch while learning the concept.
So when we moved, my wife told the counselor or whomever does IEPs about the auditory learning issue and she said she had never heard of such a thing .
Auditory processing issues are still hotly contested in various settings. My son also has auditory processing issues with speed. So if a teacher is giving a lecture, he falls behind pretty quickly trying to just process what he heard and then misses everything because he feels like he cant catch up. Then he gets bored and starts looking around the room, etc. So they think he has ADHD.
But then, like your child, he does great being taught visually and tactilely. Its so uneven that he gets thought of as lazy and/or defiant.
He is now in a school that is really good about understanding this, but I still say "he is a great visual learner, but struggles with auditory learning" to avoid the debate if APD is actually real.
Auditory processing issues are still hotly contested in various settings. My son also has auditory processing issues with speed. So if a teacher is giving a lecture, he falls behind pretty quickly trying to just process what he heard and then misses everything because he feels like he cant catch up. Then he gets bored and starts looking around the room, etc. So they think he has ADHD.
But then, like your child, he does great being taught visually and tactilely. Its so uneven that he gets thought of as lazy and/or defiant.
He is now in a school that is really good about understanding this, but I still say "he is a great visual learner, but struggles with auditory learning" to avoid the debate if APD is actually real.
Sigh.
In third grade, the Dr. (actually a PT) who first figured it out showed us: auditory only, she tests barely above kindergarten level, visually/tactilly, she tested at fifth grade level in most subjects. Eventually we found other doctors who understood it and confirmed it. Still many doctors instead diagnosed ADD, ADHD, Autism, Ausbergers, all kinds of things, except she did not fit the diagnosis in any other way. The schools were always a struggle. The best one for her was a very small private school run by a former hippy (with a PhD in education, Masters in Developmental Psych, and a PhD in art). It was expensive ($12K+ a year), but well worth it. In that school everyone already used tactile teaching methods. Hippy lady thought it was the best way to teach.
It was a struggle all the way through. She managed through high school with good enough grade to get a partial college scholarship. A month of college was all she could take. She has been doing active type jobs since. She has realized desk type jobs just are not for her. Right now she is cleaning. Doesn't pay much, but she is really good at it and since it involves moving constantly it works for her. She is still trying to figure out a professional or trade that pays decently and is suitable to her. The "millionaires wife" plan has not worked out yet, so she has to figure out something else.
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