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Old 09-23-2017, 11:16 AM
 
5,750 posts, read 3,035,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Its a delicate dance. I complained once about the school nurse (she was crossing boundaries with my 5 year old, not following doctor's instructions and saying she knew best, giving alternative "treatments" I had not authorized, not calling me when instructed). I was initially polite but firm. Then momma bear came out a bit. We got black-balled from the school and couldn't come back. They circle their wagons. Since then I have learned you have to be very delicate in some of these situations.

We had a similar issue in elementary. Our child had missed too many days of school (surgery and follow up visits with a specialist about a hundred miles away). The school nurse had the gall to say she knew more than the doctor treating her and threatened us with truancy charges. Told 'em to go right ahead because a judge would have no trouble believing a specialists from ____ Children's Hospital over a school nurse. At that point they backed down.


As the parent you are always wrong...at least at some schools.
True. That elementary school I mentioned? Huge culture change when the principal was replaced with Mr S. Really turned that place around and the school he runs now is the one everyone wants their kids to be in. Amazing what a difference a good leader in that role can make.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
...
So basically..some parents know when to step in...or guide the child...other times..the parent figures ...let's allow them to learn a life lesson ( passive parenting 101).

Kids don't need to be testing grounds for the hard knocks of life...
Quote:
Originally Posted by echo7tango View Post
...Life has its unfair moments, and how you handle this with your child can teach many things: it can impart a victim mentality, or it can show how to reach across and open a dialogue, or it can teach him/her to run/cry/hide, or it can teach how to take initiative and work collectively towards a solution, or other things. And you, as the parent, help to teach those lessons.
I have a bit of a problem with the whole "life is unfair; learn life lessons" thing. Yes I know that exists so you have to look at each individual situation. It's one thing to deal with something not going your way. But quite another when a student has been singled out to the point it is interfering with learning. Regardless of how schools like to think of themselves, the kids are students, not employees. They are there to learn and the school is there to facilitate learning. If the learning isn't happening, or worse, the learning is negative, then that's not a "life lesson" but something that has impacts that stretch into the future.
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Old 09-23-2017, 11:19 AM
 
172 posts, read 80,684 times
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My children have never had problems with teachers. I think this is because they are pretty normal likeable and attractive children. I think if a child is odd say with some quirky eccentricity it will be harder for teachers.
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Old 09-23-2017, 11:22 AM
 
Location: SF Giants Nation 2010◆2012◆2014
912 posts, read 481,730 times
Reputation: 610
Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchessCottonPuff View Post
This and several other posts are right on . I should have insisted my youngest be moved her 4th grade teacher's hatred toward our entire family was so intense . I did speak to 2 other teachers who said they would like to take her instead - everyone could see this . She was a shy, small, child and since my husband is dutch this woman - I wont be calling her teacher - bullied her to the point of raising her voice to her and asking her , WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU , DO YOU ONLY SPEAK DUTCH OR HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM ??? Stupid *$^#& had the nerve to tell me this .
She would not speak to us during our conference times she would run late with the parents ahead and tell us we could look through J's work ourselves. She was EXTREMELY rude when my husband and I saw her at a large grocery market and she called us over . We were trying to avoid her and she started her *#&@ about our family right then . I walked off and not sure what my DH said if anything .

This woman constantly belittled her about her accent ,knowing more about the Alamo instead of Lewis and Clark ( 4th grade fresh out of Texas ) How WE dressed you can see our outrageous frightening selves right here! and even what my make up looked like.

Daughter is a junior now . We were never able to get her to like school again where before she'd been a straight A honor roll student - everything crashed and burned right there in that woman's room - she should have been woman enough to recognize her own dislike for her and had her transferred .

The High and Junior high thats she attends here in the district we live in now are aware of this and its taken along time and alot of trouble for alot of people to get her self esteem back and grades good enough that she can get into the school she wants to . She loves her drama classes and French , the rest is like pulling teeth . VERY angry at myself for not transferring her to another teacher . I was afraid she would get it worse during the times she would have to be with her for math and like some other posters here foolishly thought she needed to get to learn to have a bit thicker skin . I was wrong .
Any teacher who does this should be fired!

This reminds me of a nice child in my classroom. Recently immigrated, with decent spoken English (accented but understandable), but ability to read and write was very shaky. Kids like this need help, encouragement, and patience. Not ridicule.

My nephew grew up in the US but moved to Denmark when he was 13. His Danish teachers were not very helpful and frequently ridiculed him for knowing only English and not Danish. He is now 19 but has struggled academically for years. He just got his GED and he is a bright and inquisitive kid, but I'm afraid his desire to excel academically is almost completely gone because of his bad school experiences.
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Old 09-23-2017, 11:26 AM
 
Location: SF Giants Nation 2010◆2012◆2014
912 posts, read 481,730 times
Reputation: 610
Quote:
Originally Posted by tnff View Post
I have a bit of a problem with the whole "life is unfair; learn life lessons" thing. Yes I know that exists so you have to look at each individual situation. It's one thing to deal with something not going your way. But quite another when a student has been singled out to the point it is interfering with learning. Regardless of how schools like to think of themselves, the kids are students, not employees. They are there to learn and the school is there to facilitate learning. If the learning isn't happening, or worse, the learning is negative, then that's not a "life lesson" but something that has impacts that stretch into the future.
Our messages are both consistent.
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Old 09-23-2017, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Back in the Mitten. Formerly NC
3,819 posts, read 4,869,549 times
Reputation: 5242
I think it is important to address concerns with the teacher. Maybe not "Johnny says you hate him", but bring up the specific incidents that make Johnny feel hated. The age of the student is a big factor here.

Perception is huge in elementary. Kids don't necessarily truly comprehend whether they are liked or not. They look at a teacher's behavior and interactions, and if it isn't 100% favorable, there are kids who will say "My teacher hates me" when it could be the furthest thing from the truth.

I expected a lot of out my students. I spent most of my career in 5th grade and we regularly met with the 6th grade teachers to talk about how well our kids transitioned. My goal was always to make the academic and routine transition as easy as possible because the social transition is difficult and something I couldn't really prepare them for. I taught in a tiny rural town with one blinking three way stop and the kids fed into a giant middle school with six other elementaries. The kids from my school grew up together and knew each other. I knew this transition would be very hard on some of them. I always made it my goal to prepare them in every other way, so if they struggled, it would only be with the giant social change.

A few scenarios-
I had a student who thought I hated him. He was accostomed to getting straight As with no effort and virtually no feedback. He achieved this in my class with the closed-ended type questions (multiple choice, true false, a math question where he had his work clearly shown), but on any open ended response or large project, I often would mark him down somewhere. With projects, a rubric was always given in advance. He did the bare minimum in every category, ignoring words like "at least". With open-ended questions, I would always comment. I was pushing him to go more in depth with his answers and reasoning. He was a gifted student and tended to give bare-minimum, surface answers. They were correct, but he struggled with 'why' a lot. Unbeknownst to me, he thought I hated him because I didn't give him a 100% on every assignment. (The child still achieved straight As- just not at 100% and he had to work a little harder.) I had his younger sibling a couple of years later. He stopped by after school one day and was telling me how he thought I hated him. I was shocked. He said he realized now that I never hated him, but at the time he thought I did. I explained to him that I wanted to make things easy on him going forward. I pushed him to do better- because I knew he could. Elementary school is the perfect time to make mistakes (academically). There aren't any consequences. I wanted to make sure he was prepared for anything so he could be successful. He was in all honor's track classes and thriving. Would he have been in honors anyway? Yes. Would he have done well in honors classes? Probably eventually. He would have struggled at first. He was used to being right with little effort.

Another student- I found out about a month into the year because his mom told me- but he was terrified to have me. His next door neighbor had me the year before and told him how mean and awful I was. Ironically, I absolutely loved the neighbor. He had a great personality. He was lazy, wouldn't work, forgot things all the time. He drove me nuts in that regard, but he was also an 11 year old boy. While I enjoyed having him and his personality, he had the same consequences as the other kids who didn't get their work done or 'forgot' projects/assignments at home. He did this more frequently than most, so in his eyes, he was always in trouble and I was mean. Anyway, the new student, who was one of the most organized responsible students I ever had, ended up loving me. I was his favorite teacher. Like I said, about a month into the year his mom was telling me how he was refusing to go to school, begging her to get his teacher changed, all because he heard I was mean (from kid I liked!). I always started the school year by telling them I could be as mean or as nice as they wanted me to be. If they broke rules, they had consequences. In this case, I liked both kids, but to one I was mean and the other loved me. I didn't treat them differently. Anyone who broke rules had consequences. One just chose to break them regularly and the other never did. So the perception is that I treated them different, when I was just responding to their actions.

Last one- the teachers in lower grade levels will often tell you about kids on your roster. (I honestly hated this- I liked forming my own opinion. I never asked any of them for opinions prior to the beginning of the year. Now, a few weeks in if I was having issues, I'd go ask if they had similar issues and what they did to overcome them.) One year I had a girl on my list who I had heard about for years. Everyone loved her. She was everyone's favorite. I could not stand this child. She drove me crazy. She was one of the type that tries too hard. (Well, that was just her, but that is what it felt like.) Ms. J- do you want me to do this for you? I will do this if you want me to. Do you need me to erase the board? I can help you do this if you want. Do you want me to take this to the office? I love the shirt you are wearing. This was all day long, every day. The kid did not have an off button and she drove me absolutely insane. She, to this day, has no idea how much I disliked having her in class. I was so glad when the year was over and I could send her on. All the other teachers loved her since she was such a great helper and followed the rules all the time. Not me. I practically rejoiced if she was absent. If you do the math, teachers have a lot of students over the years. There will be personality conflicts. She was one for me. But I always smiled and responded. I allowed her to do things for me sometimes, because it made her feel good. But not every time- she got some responses like "It is Mikey's turn to do that today. You did it yesterday." To this day, she thinks I loved her as much as all the other teachers did. She has no idea that on the last day as I hugged her goodbye "Thank God this is over" was what I was thinking in my head. **I will note- she is/was a good kid. I never wished any ill will toward her. We just weren't compatible personality wise.
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Old 09-23-2017, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Colorado
18,717 posts, read 4,702,479 times
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Opposite happened for us....when our son was a little boy a teacher said he looked like her son when he was young, she was very nice to our boy.
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Old 09-23-2017, 12:28 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
32,101 posts, read 39,155,933 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G1.. View Post
To a point,the Private and Parochial schools are different and allow teachers to actually teach.
I should have said "public", although some of the privates in yours and my area can be intense, would be the word.
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Old 09-23-2017, 12:53 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,489,790 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
My children have never had problems with teachers. I think this is because they are pretty normal likeable and attractive children. I think if a child is odd say with some quirky eccentricity it will be harder for teachers.
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Old 09-23-2017, 12:59 PM
 
172 posts, read 80,684 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
What is that expression for? Teachers are usually just normal people.
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Old 09-23-2017, 01:09 PM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,373,641 times
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Of course.

Third grade - the overworked senior teacher got a mainstreamed class of max students (35) and mixed my kid up with another one and gave him a huge negative report card. Everything was wrong but especially behavior was really bad.

Luckily my kid knew exactly who she mixed him up with because of all the incidents she held against him.

In High School his math teacher said "I don't believe in IEPs" which is actually against the law. I pulled him out and got a tutor at home.

There are a million examples. Almost every year.

LIke demanding he turn in satisfactory cursive workbooks even though his IEP said no because he had developmental lag in fine motor. I threw the book in the trash after promising to "work with him over the semester". LOL

Like giving a KINDERGARTEN kid a RED CHECK for unsatisfactory "aesthetic ability" in Art because he had fine motor issues even though he LOVED ART. Until she pulled that crap.

OH then there was the creep who had his homeroom who STOLE his baseball bag which he was REQUIRED to bring inside because he was on the school team but the creep didn't want it in his homeroom closet even though there was no locker big enough. And he didn't even TELL us that. He never returned it until the end of the year when I had replaced all the expensive equipment and threatened the school to file a police report. Then the coach told me he KNEW who took it and he'd get it back. And he did and told me who and why.

Please. Don't remind me.
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